# Satan sez: microwave your baby! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 21, 2007, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923 "2007-05-21T14:17:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/61 "2007-05-21T19:58:55Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] All christians believe in miracles. This is just another example of a missed opportunity; a chance to show those darn atheists the light, don’t you think? [/QUOTE] Theist /= Christian. Not all theists believe in interventionist deities, either, _or_ desire the entire world to be converted to their religious belief (including one of the Big Three - you can be excused for not knowing the finer points of Hinudist theology or Deism, but _come on_.) Crikey, you evangelical atheists can be ignorant. ---
**Author:** ![Omegaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/e480ec/32.png) [@Omegaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omegaman)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/62 "2007-05-21T20:06:51Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] I know! These things usually only happen on Twofer Tuesday! Who knew? [/QUOTE] Well shit ! You have balls _and_ a sense of humor ! Excellent equipment for this place . 😃 Your a woman , right ? ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/63 "2007-05-21T20:15:07Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] Not all theists believe in interventionist deities, either, _or_ desire the entire world to be converted to their religious belief (including one of the Big Three - you can be excused for not knowing the finer points of Hinudist theology or Deism, but _come on_.) [/QUOTE] I understand the terms and the historical grouping of the Abrahamic religions together (Let’s be friends, our gods all have two arms!) but this sort of language always made me laugh since there are a fuckload more Hindus than Jews. > [@Quiddity Glomfuster](#): > > Um. Nobody said God would swoop in like Superman and personally fly every Lois Lane out of trouble. Don’t know why you ever thought anybody who is a theist - and not insane - thinks that. Well, I don’t think the idea is God would come out of the sky and perform some personal smiting. But it would have been an excellent time for a very specific blackout. As for the idea of God working miracles on Earth…yeah, really, who says that? Let’s ponder the mystery together at the local hospital. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 8:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/64 "2007-05-21T20:19:33Z")
You people and your new-fangled Devils. Why in my day, Satan cooked with gas ovens & was damn happy to have 'em. Looking forward to walking a mile & a half to my roasting every day for an eternity in Hell; Uphill both ways. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/65 "2007-05-21T20:22:44Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] Theist /= Christian. Not all theists believe in interventionist deities, either, _or_ desire the entire world to be converted to their religious belief (including one of the Big Three - you can be excused for not knowing the finer points of Hinudist theology or Deism, but _come on_.) Crikey, you evangelical atheists can be ignorant. [/QUOTE] What the fuck are you talking about? I said all christians believe in miracles. Where the fuck did you you pull this other mumbo-jumbo from? Because it certainly wasn’t from THIS thread or the related article. Get with the program already! Or back away from the crack pipe. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/66 "2007-05-21T20:23:57Z")
[QUOTE=Omegaman] Well shit ! You have balls _and_ a sense of humor ! Excellent equipment for this place . 😃 Your a woman , right ? [/QUOTE] I am. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/67 "2007-05-21T20:28:19Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] What the fuck are you talking about? I said all christians believe in miracles. Where the fuck did you you pull this other mumbo-jumbo from? Because it certainly wasn’t from THIS thread or the related article. Get with the program already! Or back away from the crack pipe. [/QUOTE] Oh, I am sorry, I gather now that you were talking about the couple in question (who are presumably Xian since they believe in Satan), and not **tdn** ’s hijack. My apologies. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/68 "2007-05-21T20:31:41Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] Oh, I am sorry, I gather now that you were talking about the couple in question (who are presumably Xian since they believe in Satan), and not **tdn** ’s hijack. My apologies. [/QUOTE] What hijack? ---
**Author:** ![rayh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@rayh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rayh)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/69 "2007-05-21T20:44:11Z")
[QUOTE=JohnT] Hoisted! By my own petard! :eek: [/QUOTE] How does that work for cooking babies? ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/70 "2007-05-21T20:47:47Z")
[QUOTE=rayh] How does that work for cooking babies? [/QUOTE] Prolly pretty good. Quick seared to lock in juices! ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/71 "2007-05-21T20:57:15Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Of course not, that’s why you roast it. And then serve it on a bed of baby spinach, with a side of baby carrots. [/QUOTE] No imagination. Why, just last week, on Iron Chef Baby Battle, Mario Batali demonstrated Toddler Crudo. ---
**Author:** ![Lightray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lightray/32/391_2.png) [@Lightray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lightray)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/72 "2007-05-21T21:16:10Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] All christians believe in miracles. This is just another example of a missed opportunity; a chance to show those darn atheists the light, don’t you think? [/QUOTE] It _was_ a miracle – had Satan told him to put a _peep_ into the microwave, the poor thing would’ve been a goner. God miraculously switched out the peep for a baby at the last second. (Everybody knows that babies survive being microwaved _much_ better than peeps. That’s why we’ve got peep-jousting to celebrate Easter, and not, you know, baby-jousting.) ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/73 "2007-05-21T21:20:03Z")
[QUOTE=Lightray] It _was_ a miracle – had Satan told him to put a _peep_ into the microwave, the poor thing would’ve been a goner. God miraculously switched out the peep for a baby at the last second. (Everybody knows that babies survive being microwaved _much_ better than peeps. That’s why we’ve got peep-jousting to celebrate Easter, and not, you know, baby-jousting.) [/QUOTE] Funny you should say that. I just saw the kids on South Park put Peeps in the microwave. That baby got off easy. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/74 "2007-05-21T21:20:44Z")
They were just offering an example for illustration in [a modest proposal](http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html). ---
**Author:** ![lowbrass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dc4da7/32.png) [@lowbrass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lowbrass)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/75 "2007-05-21T21:26:03Z")
[QUOTE=mswas] Insanity is a foregone conclusion. I can understand being upset at the baby, the ear piercing shriek only inches from your ears can be maddening. The fortitude it requires to still be sensitive (Something I don’t always accomplish) under that stress amazes me. Yet, I haven’t ever had the idea of putting her in the microwave. [/QUOTE] Well that’s the thing. The reason for an insane person to put a baby in a microwave is not “stress”, in spite of what nonsense might come out of the person’s mouth to that effect. The reason is “brain functioning incorrectly due to insanity”. If the guy said he did it because aliens told him to do it, would it be any different? ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/76 "2007-05-21T22:14:50Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] What hijack? [/QUOTE] The one where you generalized about theists. On topic: This is all the proof we need that microwaves are too dangerous to be put in the hands of imbeciles. Let’s ban the sale of microwaves. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/77 "2007-05-21T22:34:32Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] The one where you generalized about theists. On topic: This is all the proof we need that microwaves are too dangerous to be put in the hands of imbeciles. Let’s ban the sale of microwaves. 😛 [/QUOTE] I tried to buy me some microwaves the other day, but the guy at the store said I could save a lot of money by just buying this here plastic box with a bunch of buttons on it and makin’ ‘em myself. So I took it home and tried it out and damned if I could see any microwaves coming out of it. I don’t know, maybe they were too small to see. So I stuck the baby in there and turned it on and lord, if she didn’t start fussin’ to beat the band. So maybe there were some microwaves comin’ out of the thing after all. Still didn’t see 'em, though. I’m pretty sure I got took. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/78 "2007-05-21T23:22:53Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] Well then maybe it has less to do with “theism” and more to do with “being fucking insane” than you may have intimated in your original post. [/QUOTE] Well, there’s the argument that “theism” = “being fucking insane”. [QUOTE=lowbrass] Well that’s the thing. The reason for an insane person to put a baby in a microwave is not “stress”, in spite of what nonsense might come out of the person’s mouth to that effect. The reason is “brain functioning incorrectly due to insanity”. If the guy said he did it because aliens told him to do it, would it be any different? [/QUOTE] Well, fewer people would consider you offensive for suggesting that she was insane or stupid for believing in aliens. Which is amusing, since aliens are far more plausible than God, or Satan for that matter. ---
**Author:** ![kung\_fu\_lola](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f4b2a3/32.png) [@kung\_fu\_lola](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kung_fu_lola)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/79 "2007-05-21T23:50:34Z")
[QUOTE=Der Trihs] Well, there’s the argument that “theism” = “being fucking insane”. [/QUOTE] I am sure that people like [Sir Thomas More](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_More) and [Andre Trocme](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andre_Trocm%C3%A9) would have greatly benefitted from modern psychiatry. Clearly, they were madmen. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/80 "2007-05-21T23:56:15Z")
I have to stand up for the guy since he can’t be here to speak for himself. Sure, he may have had an unfortunate relationship with a woman who wanted to peg him before any of us knew what the term meant. And maybe he has a taste for women slightly too young. And maybe he spent too much time working in record stores and obsessed with heavy metal. But I think it’s a bit much to say he’d make anyone microwave a baby. Yer pal, Sani [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923.md?page=5)