# Satan sez: microwave your baby! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 21, 2007, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923 "2007-05-21T14:17:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2007, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/81 "2007-05-21T23:58:41Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] I am sure that people like [Sir Thomas More](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_More) and [Andre Trocme](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andre_Trocm%C3%A9) would have greatly benefitted from modern psychiatry. [/QUOTE] Modern psychiatry, being dominated by theists like everything else, doesn’t consider religion a form of insanity, last I heard. So no, it wouldn’t do them or anyone else any good in that area. ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/82 "2007-05-22T00:36:01Z")
[QUOTE=mswas] I’d like to point out that within Christian Theology, you are responsible for giving in to Satan. It doesn’t let you off the hook in any way. So qualitatively it’s not a valid excuse. [/QUOTE] While it is doubtful that Satan himself did this, it is possibly demonic oppression (possession) which as you pointed out, though the demons make it easier and may have set up the situation it is the person that has to press the start button. Satan (ruler of the demons) wants the blood on your hands, if he did everything then he would have no charge against you. ---
**Author:** ![Autolycus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/22d042/32.png) [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/83 "2007-05-22T00:42:57Z")
Is this the right thread for a dead baby joke? I’ve been wanting to say this for a long time on the Dope but haven’t had a chance. Q: What’s the difference between a dead baby and an apple? A: I dont cum all over an apple before I eat it. One last comment for the road. As a Christian, and one who believes in Satan, I thought the following. Stories like this bring negative and large attention to Satan and would detract from his goal to bring souls to Hell. Satan works best when nobody believes he exists. So, from an atheist or theist (Catholic) perspective, this guy is simply fucking nuts. As for the problem of pain, I recommend the C.S. Lewis novel by that name. It’s not perfect of course but it addresses the issue well. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/84 "2007-05-22T01:58:32Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] Those seen-on-TV rotisseries are much more intelligently designed. [/QUOTE] No one with any sense would use any appliance for this except the George Foreman grill, silly. Low fat! ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/85 "2007-05-22T02:06:19Z")
[QUOTE=Cervaise] Those seen-on-TV rotisseries are much more intelligently designed. [/QUOTE] Ron Popiel: “Just set her–” Audience: “_–and forget her!_” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 3:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/86 "2007-05-22T03:13:28Z")
Are we sure their name isn’t spelled _Maudlin_? Anyway, I’m surprised he put the baby in the microwave. Doesn’t he know you have to nuke them from orbit? It’s the only way to be sure. ---
**Author:** ![lowbrass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dc4da7/32.png) [@lowbrass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lowbrass)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/87 "2007-05-22T04:36:49Z")
[QUOTE=Der Trihs] Well, there’s the argument that “theism” = “being fucking insane”. Well, fewer people would consider you offensive for suggesting that she was insane or stupid for believing in aliens. Which is amusing, since aliens are far more plausible than God, or Satan for that matter. [/QUOTE] I didn’t say she was insane. I said that _he_ might be insane. Your point is a good one, though. ---
**Author:** ![Auntbeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Auntbeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Auntbeast)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/88 "2007-05-22T05:21:40Z")
Ohh, I bet Satan didn’t say “Satan Says” first! Pappa is out of the game! [QUOTE=Autolycus] Satan works best when nobody believes he exists. [/QUOTE] I’ve been trying to use this theory at work, but they ain’t buying it either. Is that like the hobby of not collecting stamps? FWIW, Any decent sized baby probably won’t spin very well in a standard microwave. May I present a [Romertopf](http://www.romertopf.com/) for your consideration? I know a 6 month old that weighs 25lbs. That could feed a family of 6! (My 20 month old is too wirey) ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/89 "2007-05-22T06:11:21Z")
[QUOTE=Autolycus] ..Satan works best when nobody believes he exists… [/QUOTE] So does Kaysar Sozay. A coincidence? I wonder… ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/90 "2007-05-22T12:56:05Z")
[QUOTE=kung fu lola] The one where you generalized about theists. [/QUOTE] Ah. Was that the post where I immediately thereafter retracted what I said? In the very next sentence? Methinks if you’d sincerely wanted to accuse me of a hijack, you’d have pointed out the post where I first discussed how to properly oven roast an infant, not the one where I mock some fuckwit blaming Satan for attempted murder, as per the OP. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/91 "2007-05-22T13:02:16Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] Ah. Was that the post where I immediately thereafter retracted what I said? In the very next sentence? Methinks if you’d sincerely wanted to accuse me of a hijack, you’d have pointed out the post where **I first discussed how to properly oven roast an infant,** not the one where I mock some fuckwit blaming Satan for attempted murder, as per the OP. [/QUOTE] (Incidently, your recipe delivered as promised. _Thank you!)_ ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/92 "2007-05-22T13:15:20Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] (Incidently, your recipe delivered as promised. _Thank you!)_ [/QUOTE] You’re welcome, but I’m sorry if I was remiss in my recipe. But you’re a smart lady, you did remember to seal the still-moving infant in a ziplock baggy with some merlot, green peppercorns, and a bay leaf, and let marinade for 12 hours? ---
**Author:** ![EddyTeddyFreddy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eddyteddyfreddy/32/18796_2.png) [@EddyTeddyFreddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EddyTeddyFreddy)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/93 "2007-05-22T13:18:10Z")
Marinate for _twelve_ hours? :smack: No wonder it came out so dry. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/94 "2007-05-22T13:24:11Z")
[QUOTE=Kalhoun] All christians believe in miracles. This is just another example of a missed opportunity; a chance to show those darn atheists the light, don’t you think? [/QUOTE] 'Course, had the mite been nuked _to death_, you’d’ve been willing to demand why God (sorry, you’d’ve said “god”, on principle) couldn’t have seen to it that the baby got out of there alive, wouldn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/95 "2007-05-22T13:24:29Z")
[QUOTE=EddyTeddyFreddy] Marinate for _twelve_ hours? :smack: No wonder it came out so dry. [/QUOTE] It pisses me off that so few people can follow a simple recipe. :rolleyes: You did remember to wrap the tiny fingers and toes in foil, right? ---
**Author:** ![Ca3799](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9f8e36/32.png) [@Ca3799](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ca3799)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/96 "2007-05-22T13:39:08Z")
Now the father of the baby is asking to have his bail reduced because…he doesn’t have enough money to make bail. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/97 "2007-05-22T13:51:40Z")
[QUOTE=Malacandra] 'Course, had the mite been nuked _to death_, you’d’ve been willing to demand why God (sorry, you’d’ve said “god”, on principle) couldn’t have seen to it that the baby got out of there alive, wouldn’t you? [/QUOTE] Of\* course \* I would. After all, he is supposed to be almighty. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/98 "2007-05-22T13:54:10Z")
[QUOTE=tdn] You’re welcome, but I’m sorry if I was remiss in my recipe. But you’re a smart lady, you did remember to seal the still-moving infant in a ziplock baggy with some merlot, green peppercorns, and a bay leaf, and let marinade for 12 hours? [/QUOTE] Merlot? _MERLOT?_ Oh puhleeze…if you can’t bother with a cabernet, don’t bother at all! (I know…it was a test. You were testing my culinary skills. Well, listen, buster…I didn’t just fall off the back of a turnip truck!) ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/99 "2007-05-22T13:54:46Z")
[QUOTE=elucidator] So does Kaysar Sozay. A coincidence? I wonder… [/QUOTE] Ah … so you’re saying someone _put the guy up_ to microwaving his baby. Call the police! Tell them to round up the usual suspects. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2007, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923/100 "2007-05-22T14:26:13Z")
[QUOTE=EddyTeddyFreddy] No wonder it came out so dry. [/QUOTE] Well of course it did. Didn’t you know that _l’enfant sous vide_ requires you to evacuate the air from the bag during preparation? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satan-sez-microwave-your-baby/404923.md?page=6)