# Satan's 2nd Great General Council **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 18, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163 "2012-10-18T20:29:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/1 "2012-10-18T20:29:57Z")
[I learned from our friend **chagqq**](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=669135) that some people (or at least one person) believe/s that [in the 1700s Satan held a Great General Council](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=15602699&postcount=8)to set up his plans for destroying mankind. While **Little Nemo** informed us that you don’t want to be the person to take the last donut, my mind wondered what a council full of evil would be like. Who would be there? What food would be served? What would they discuss? Well much has changed in the past 300-some years, and Satan is planning a 2nd Great General Council. Due to budget constraints there is only room for 12 councilors\* to join him. He also needs some help planning this thing since the best wedding/party planners sold their souls to TV networks. So, who do you nominate and what details would you recommend in the way of food, activities, proposed ways to destroy humanity, etc? I will begin by Godwinizing my own thread and nominating Adolf Hitler. I would also recommend that if things get too heated everyone takes a break and does a “trust fall.” Your turn. \*Do to the fact that Satan prefers to avoid being seen in public the Council will be located in Hell; therefore only dead people can take part in the 2nd Great General Council. The living will have to wait for the next one. ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/2 "2012-10-18T20:33:25Z")
If we define “plans for destroying mankind” as something along the lines of willfully sacrificing long-term goodness for humankind in general in return for short-term success for a very few, I nominate Col. Tom Parker. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/3 "2012-10-18T20:46:48Z")
Not sure if he’s evil enough to qualify, but Curtis LeMay sure believed in destruction and almost literal hellfire. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/4 "2012-10-18T20:50:01Z")
[Johns Hopkins](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Johns_Hopkins). He was the manager for Satan’s “modern medicine” project. ---
**Author:** ![August\_West](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/august_west/32/18069_2.png) [@August\_West](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/August_West)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/5 "2012-10-18T21:36:32Z")
[Thomas Midgely, Jr.](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Midgley,_Jr.) He’s the guy that developed both leaded gas and Freon, and then was killed at the tender age of 55 by his own contraption to lift himself out of bed. The man who “had more impact on the atmosphere than any other single organism in Earth’s history.” I’m certain he has many more inventions to continue his quest to destroy the Earth, but was taken from us too young. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/6 "2012-10-18T22:21:38Z")
Joseph Stalin for two reasons. He was a master at killing people using economic theories. Plus, Satan would get a lot of enjoyment from sitting him next to Hitler. Chairman Mao is a possibility, but I think he learned it all from Joe. For food, devils food cake, of course - but I’d also want to get in a big supply of Big Macs, since those are killing humans off left and right, in the US at least. It can be washed down with plastic-infused milk from China. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/7 "2012-10-18T22:42:35Z")
Trey Parker and Matt Stone, so they could do a South Park episode about it. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2012, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/8 "2012-10-18T23:31:42Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Joseph Stalin for two reasons. He was a master at killing people using economic theories. Plus, Satan would get a lot of enjoyment from sitting him next to Hitler. Yeah, won’t don’t want just serial killers and murderers. We want people who are evil other ways too. Benedict Arnold? Who are some other famous traitors? ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/9 "2012-10-19T00:17:24Z")
Dick Cheney, just for having the power to make a guy he shot in the face apologize for getting his face in the way of the shot. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/10 "2012-10-19T00:24:52Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Dick Cheney, just for having the power to make a guy he shot in the face apologize for getting his face in the way of the shot. He died? They’ve done a good job of keeping it out of the news. Of course there was the Simpsons _Forbidden Donut_ episode in which Richard Nixon was allowed to serve on the jury of the damned even though he was still alive at the time because he owed Satan a favor. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/11 "2012-10-19T00:25:37Z")
I was going to volunteer to take charge of Sloth, but then I got to this part: > [@Gedd](#): > > . . .\*Due to the fact that Satan prefers to avoid being seen in public the Council will be located in Hell; **therefore only dead people can take part in the 2nd Great General Council**. The living will have to wait for the next one. I think I’ll pass. (\*corrected spelling) **bolding mine** ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/12 "2012-10-19T00:28:27Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > He died? They’ve done a good job of keeping it out of the news. Didn’t see any requirement of “already dead”. Cheney is “undead” – close enough. ---
**Author:** ![Enkel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/df705f/32.png) [@Enkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enkel)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/13 "2012-10-19T00:48:29Z")
You’d think Monsanto would be able to nominate someone to the council, just to look out for their interests. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/14 "2012-10-19T01:32:45Z")
> [@Gedd](#): > > \*Do to the fact that Satan prefers to avoid being seen in public the Council will be located in Hell; therefore only dead people can take part in the 2nd Great General Council. The living will have to wait for the next one. > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Didn’t see any requirement of “already dead”. See above. > [@](#): > > Cheney is “undead” – close enough. Maybe his original heart has already preceded him to hell, so fair enough.😉 ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/15 "2012-10-19T01:34:55Z")
As a co-conspirator to the moral destruction of the entire world, I must admit that following the rules isn’t at the top of my agenda. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 1:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/16 "2012-10-19T13:05:08Z")
> [@Colibri](#): > > Of course there was the Simpsons _Forbidden Donut_ episode in which Richard Nixon was allowed to serve on the jury of the damned even though he was still alive at the time because he owed Satan a favor. That’s good enough for me. Nixon can be in. > [@Yllaria](#): > > (\*corrected spelling) **bolding mine** Damn you spell/grammar check! How did it miss that? I wonder if at the last one they messed with all the rules in the English language. > [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Didn’t see any requirement of “already dead”. Cheney is “undead” – close enough. That would explain a few things. ---
**Author:** ![magnusblitz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@magnusblitz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magnusblitz)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 8:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/17 "2012-10-19T20:28:55Z")
Alright, I’ll take a crack at it. 1. **Adolf Hitler** seems a shoo-in, as he already almost did it once. Very smart politically and charismatic. Experience running an entire country and preparing it for global domination. Picking him probably gets you access to all of his underlings like Goebbels, etc. 2. Sticking with the WW2 theme, I’ll go with **Shiro Ishii** , head of the Japanese biological weapons programs in Manchukuo. Has both military leadership experience and microbiology knowledge. 3. **Steve Jobs**. Control over the American social arena. Like Hitler, he’s personally charismatic, and able to get millions of people addicted to his products. He was also a Buddhist, which no doubt appeals to Satan’s hatred of all things Christian. I had Richard Dawkins (well known, widely read atheist) and Karl Rove (American political system control) listed, but guess they’re not allowed since they’re not dead yet. Neither one is especially young though… ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 9:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/18 "2012-10-19T21:22:08Z")
What in hell has Dawkins done to damage mankind? Good solid atheist though, even though I didn’t much like his book on the subject. Joe, Mao, and Adolph make a pretty good triumvirate to get started with. ---
**Author:** ![Uther\_Penguin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Uther\_Penguin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uther_Penguin)\ **Post date:** [October 19, 2012, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/19 "2012-10-19T21:54:19Z")
Would it be too mean to nominate Fritz Haber? > **[Fritz Haber | World War I](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fritz_Haber#World_War_I)** > > Haber greeted World War I with enthusiasm, joining 92 other German intellectuals in signing the Manifesto of the Ninety-Three in October 1914. Haber played a major role in the development of the non-ballistic use of chemical warfare in World War I, in spite of the proscription of their use in shells by the Hague Convention of 1907 (to which Germany was a signatory). He was promoted to the rank of captain and made head of the Chemistry Section in the Ministry of War soon after the war began.\[1 A s... He invented chemical warfare with poison gas and oversaw the development of Zyklon A. Further, he developed the Haber(-Bosch) process to create artificial nitrogen products like fertilizer and explosives. Just by this, he prolonged World War One by over three years, since Germany would have run out of stocked saltpeter by the Summer of 1915. ---
**Author:** ![pete66](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8c91f0/32.png) [@pete66](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pete66)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2012, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163/20 "2012-10-20T21:41:12Z")
Steve Jobs could handle the IT portion of the conference. Perhaps he could set up face time with living evil doers who want to attend. As for food, put Julia Child incharge of the menu. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-2nd-great-general-council/638163.md?page=2)