# Satan's cigarrette meter **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 23, 2000, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443 "2000-08-23T14:50:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/61 "2000-08-25T17:54:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FreakFreely \* > > **And while his opinion of me may not be that high, the feeling is by no means mutual.** I think you’re a good kid, Freak, with the best intentions. You _DO_ fly off the handle sometimes, but so do I. I guess we both need some Zen in our lives… “Master your handle!” 🙂 Anyway, MadSam does not reply to questions. Meaningful discussion is not in that posters repertoire, nor is clarifying what he means, or even doing anything more than cryptic drive-by dissings of me within his capabilities. But, he did make it where peole are talking about him. I guess some people need the attention. :rolleyes: As for you Ceejaytee, you can talk about me any time you want! 😃 * * * Yer pal, Satan [sub]I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR: Four months, two weeks, two days, 15 hours, 53 minutes and 30 seconds. 5546 cigarettes not smoked, saving $693.31. Extra life with Drain Bead: 2 weeks, 5 days, 6 hours, 10 minutes.[/sub] **_"Satan is not an unattractive person."_-Drain Bead** [sub]Thanks for the ringing endorsement, honey![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![sdimbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdimbert/32/20204_2.png) [@sdimbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sdimbert)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/62 "2000-08-25T18:13:22Z")
Could we please drag this thread back to the nice piece of original artwork I spat out for a laugh (which never came)? I refer, of course, to the “AstroGlide Discussion” which occured so long ago that one has to click back to the first page in order to read it. Go ahead… we’ll wait. . . . . . As you see there, when **Scylla** suggested that **Satan** would probably not be able to continue procreating “up to snuff” in terms of quantity, **DrainBead** said, > [@](#): > > \*\* > “So NOW you tell me. What the hell am I gonna do with all this Astroglide?” > \*\* **Satan** then responded chivalrously, \*\* > [@](#): > > I’m gonna keep her busier than THAT… > \*\* Which prompted **DrainBead** ’s lament: \*\* > [@](#): > > Damn it! > > I just threw all that Astroglide away after what Scylla said! Now you’re telling me it’s going to be more than once a week? > > _runs screaming after the garbage truck_ > \*\* Now, that was an entertaining exchange, but here comes the important part. **douglips** , not reading **DrainBead** ’s last post, posted: \*\* > [@](#): > > \*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > \*Originally posted by Drain Bead \* > > What the hell am I gonna do with all this Astroglide? \*\* > > Strap-on. Astroglide > \*\* at 08-23-2000 04:36 PM. Then, at 08-23-2000 04:57 PM, only _21 minutes later_, I posted: \*\* > [@](#): > > It’s quick and dirty, but [here](http://www.geocities.com/sdimbert/sataneek.gif) is my best attempt. > \*\* Don’t you see? That’s a picture of **Satan** getting… uhh… visited from behind. Didn’t anyone get that? Come on! Where are the LOL’s? Where are the ROTFLMAO’s? Where are the congratulations and adoring emails? Where are the lauding crowds and chaotic, cheering hordes who come to bear me on their shoulders as they herald my name? Where? I mean… it’s not easy to download a smiley, open it in Paint, change the color and add horns… OK, I guess it is easy. I mean, hell, it only took me 20 minutes, right? Never mind. BTW, **Satan** ] I like the meter… it’s kinda cool. Do you have to C&P for every post you post? ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/63 "2000-08-25T18:30:36Z")
LOL. ROTFLMAO. Congratulations and adoring emails. _From Stage Left, lauding crowds and chaotic, cheering hordes who come to bear you on their shoulders as they herald your name can be seen preparing your throne_ And now . . . lauding crowds and chaotic, cheering hordes! ---
**Author:** ![sdimbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdimbert/32/20204_2.png) [@sdimbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sdimbert)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/64 "2000-08-25T18:36:21Z")
**Allriiiiight**!! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/65 "2000-08-25T18:50:07Z")
> [@](#): > > But if you don’t spend that money on Drain Bead, we’re not talking to you anymore. I SWEAR I didn’t put him up to this. [sub]Remember, Ceejaytee, we’re in this 70-30…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/66 "2000-08-25T18:56:39Z")
> [@](#): > > > [@](#): > > > > And while his opinion of me may not be that high, the feeling is by no means mutual. > > I think you’re a good kid, Freak, with the best intentions. So I should be seeing you pretty soon then, eh? Oh well, I’ve heard the tourist season in heaven sucks anyway. All kidding aside, what I actually meant to say was that your opinion of me couldn’t be as high as my opinion of you. I’m not gettin’ all down on myself, I **know** I’m the shit. ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/67 "2000-08-25T18:57:51Z")
Oh, and sdimbert, I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t get the joke until you clarified it. Oh well. ---
**Author:** ![OliverTwistofLime](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/b487fb/32.png) [@OliverTwistofLime](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OliverTwistofLime)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/68 "2000-08-25T18:59:47Z")
Dear Satan: I didn’t intend to hurt your feelings to the extent that it did. I thought this was the Bar-B-Q pit and a little sarcasm or schticks were acceptable. My only comment was that you seem to be quite “I” oriented. I don’t know you from Adam…I have no doubt that you are a thoughtful, active, kind, informative individual who has made this message board a home away from home. I have not had the opportunities to visit as much as you because of time limits. Please don’t take anything I say that seriously. I deliberately used I and My also to show you that I am not mean-spirited. Have a happy life and I shall avoid “attacking” you again. You are welcome to come back at me one more time if you like and have the last word. Meanwhile, don’t start smoking again! ---
**Author:** ![Zakalwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zakalwe/32/270_2.png) [@Zakalwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zakalwe)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/69 "2000-08-25T19:07:22Z")
Satan said: > [@](#): > > He brought up that people didn’t care. I brought up if you didn’t care, why did you post? I would like to state that while I have followed this thread with some amusement, I haven’t cared so I haven’t posted…Ahhhhh SHIT! Nevermind. grem ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/70 "2000-08-25T19:17:02Z")
Huh? Duh? WTF? I know it was an apology or clarification of some kind, but beyond that I didn’t understand ANYTHING you just said. Nothing personal, of course. But you left me a bit bewildered. ---
**Author:** ![Satan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Satan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satan)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/71 "2000-08-25T19:23:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MadSam \* > > \*\*Dear Satan: I didn’t intend to hurt your feelings to the extent that it did. I thought this was the Bar-B-Q pit and a little sarcasm or schticks were acceptable. \*\* Well, sure they are! But I don’t know you. And as I said, this is the third time this person whom I never communicated with bouced into a thread and said something negative about me. Once could be a fluke. Twice could be a coincidence. But three times is a trend! > [@](#): > > \*\*Please don’t take anything I say that seriously. I deliberately used I and My also to show you that I am not mean-spirited. Have a happy life and I shall avoid “attacking” you again. \*\* Well, see, I don’t know these things. Imagine me and a bunch of friends sitting in the cafeteria. And this person comes by a few times, makes a snide reference towards someone at the table, and leaves. This is the only interaction you have with this person. How on earth are you to know his or her intentions? And for the record, I realize not everyone will like me. A few people here don’t. They pretty much ignore me, and that’s fine. I try and respond in kind to those I don’t like. Oh, I used to be full of bluster towards “sworn enemies,” but I’m a kinder, gentler Satan now. And if you diss me, I will defend myself. Hence my response to you. Anyway, no hard feelings. Hope to see you around the boards some more. > [@](#): > > \*\*You are welcome to come back at me one more time if you like and have the last word. \*\* Well, I would never want to get the last… 😉 * * * Yer pal, Satan [sub]I HAVE BEEN SMOKE-FREE FOR: Four months, two weeks, two days, 17 hours, 22 minutes and 3 seconds. 5548 cigarettes not smoked, saving $693.62. Extra life with Drain Bead: 2 weeks, 5 days, 6 hours, 20 minutes.[/sub] **_"Satan is not an unattractive person."_-Drain Bead** [sub]Thanks for the ringing endorsement, honey![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![FreakFreely](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/48db29/32.png) [@FreakFreely](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FreakFreely)\ **Post date:** [August 25, 2000, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/72 "2000-08-25T19:48:23Z")
In Satan’s presence, nothing is holy. Except for holy shit, of course. ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/73 "2000-08-26T14:02:29Z")
good morning friends, i know i am entering this discussion late, but quietly lurking is a difficult habit to break. (possibly, friend satan could teach me to meter it…) for those of you who have never quit, overcoming an addiction to nicotine is no small accomplishment. friend satan has used his meter as an incentive to keep himself on task. for my first few weeks as a non smoker, i met every overwhelming urge to smoke with figuring out how many seconds it had been since my last cigarette. i smoked for 35 years. at the end, i was smoking three packs a day. i am not sure how friend satan’s meter works, but i will give it a try. i smoked my last cigarette at 11:30 pm, november 30, 1998. it has been 634 days, 9 hours, 19 minutes, and 55 seconds since i smoked my last cigarette. number of cigarettes not smoked: 38,060 money saved (average price $2.75 a pack): $5,232.75 life saved (10 minutes a cigarette): 264 days, 7 hours, 20 minutes. meter on, satan my friend, and keep up the effort. ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/74 "2000-08-26T14:42:21Z")
Download your own meter [here](http://www.silkquit.org/main/index.html). ---
**Author:** ![LH75](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lh75/32/4438_2.png) [@LH75](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LH75)\ **Post date:** [August 26, 2000, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/75 "2000-08-26T16:20:26Z")
friend drain beard, thanks for the link! i was doing the calculations manually. ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [August 27, 2000, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/76 "2000-08-27T04:42:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Scylla \* > You know Veb, I would have thought it would be impossible for anybody to take my last post too seriously. > > You think “Franco Amish bastard is a real insult?” > > Check the air over thine own head before you cast the woosh unto your neighbor. Or something. Point taken and (partially) granted. Reading quickly, and while tired, I flashed your “Franco Amish” comment as a mind-bending blend of slimy pasta in pink sauce with a dollop of hearty chicken stew or something. (It was a relief to re-read _that_ one!) But Sgt. Veb of the Thought Police? Yeah, okay, I had a Peevish Moment. Loathing political correctness in all its noxious forms, that _whoosh_ was a bit close to my hairline. :::inserts tongue _firmly_ into cheek::: If I _were_ the Thought Police you’d be serving a life sentence in a dank, roach-infested prison with no toilet and sadistic guards on each shift. _But_ having having read your posts here and in the “abuse the French” thread it’s dawned on me that you’re mostly guilty of being an agent provocateur with an sideways sense of mischief. Besides, _Major_ Veb sounds so much better. Veb ---
**Author:** ![Ceejaytee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ceejaytee/32/2956_2.png) [@Ceejaytee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ceejaytee)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2000, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/77 "2000-08-28T16:20:08Z")
_I originally posted_: > [@](#): > > But if you don’t spend that money on Drain Bead, we’re not talking to you anymore. _Drain replied_: > [@](#): > > I SWEAR I didn’t put him up to this. Damn. I thought my user name was so obviously female. Oh well. How many males would insist Satan spend the money on his honey anyway? They would probably suggest he spend it on something men like, like … uh … well, women, I guess. _Drain Bead continued_: > [@](#): > > Remember, Ceejaytee, we’re in this 70-30… How about 60-40? It’s a good deal. You get to keep Satan too. But can I have visitation rights? I’ll treat him well. ---
**Author:** ![sdimbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sdimbert/32/20204_2.png) [@sdimbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sdimbert)\ **Post date:** [August 28, 2000, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/78 "2000-08-28T16:31:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ceejaytee \* > \*\*\*You get to keep Satan too. But can I have visitation rights? I’ll treat him well. \*\* Now he’s got women fighting over him? :rolleyes: Great. This is going to do a lot for his ego. **Lynn** , could you remove this post before **Satan** sees it, please? Hopefully he hasn’t seen it yet… it takes him a few minutes to fit his head through the door and get in here… ---
**Author:** ![Ceejaytee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ceejaytee/32/2956_2.png) [@Ceejaytee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ceejaytee)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/79 "2000-08-29T16:19:22Z")
> [@](#): > > Lynn, could you remove this post before Satan sees it, please? > Hopefully he hasn’t seen it yet… it takes him a few minutes to fit his head through the door and get in here… Oh, it’s his **head** that doesn’t fit through the door? I thought it was something else. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Drain\_Bead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e47774/32.png) [@Drain\_Bead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drain_Bead)\ **Post date:** [August 29, 2000, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443/80 "2000-08-29T19:21:34Z")
It’s his head…sure…just not the one on top. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satans-cigarrette-meter/30443.md?page=5)