On National Public Radio, Margaret Jo McCullen (Ana Gasteyer) and Teri Rialto (Molly Shannon) are talking to Pete Schweddy (Baldwin), the owner of Season’s Eatings, a holiday snack store. He’s telling them all about his Christmas balls.
Margeret Jo McCullen: So, Pete, Teri and I have been looking forward to having you on the show, 'cause we know you’re the master of all kinds of Christmas goodies.
Pete Schweddy: Well, there are lots of great treats this time of year - Zucchini Bread, Fruitcake… but the thing that I most like to bring out this time of year are my Balls.
Teri Rialto: Mmm… Balls… Tell us about your Balls, Pete.
Pete Schweddy: Well, over at Season’s Eatings, we have Balls for every taste. Popcorn Balls, Cheese Balls, Rum Balls… you name it.
Margeret Jo McCullen: Wow! My mouth’s watering just thinking about those Balls!
Teri Rialto: It’s been years since I’ve seen any Balls.
Pete Schweddy: Would you like to see my Balls now?
Margeret Jo McCullen: Yeah. Whip them out.
[ Pete places a tray of Balls on the control board ]
Teri Rialto: Mmm… wow… you have some beautiful Balls…
Margeret Jo McCullen: They’re bigger than I expected.
Pete Schweddy: A lot of people tell me that.
Margeret Jo McCullen: Look at that, Teri - the way they glisten.
Pete Schweddy: That’s because make sure that each one of my Balls gets plenty of oil.
Margeret Jo McCullen: I can’t help but, notice, Pete - your Balls are a little misshapen.
Pete Schweddy: That’s because I rested them on a hot stove too long.
Teri Rialto: Can I touch your Balls.
Pete Schweddy: Go ahead. But be careful, they’re very delicate.
Margeret Jo McCullen: Wow. I can’t wait to get my mouth around his Balls.
Teri Rialto: [ sniffing ] Ooh… I like the way your Balls smell…
Pete Schweddy: Do whatever you want to, ladies. My Balls are here for your pleasure.
Margeret Jo McCullen: [ chewing ] Wow, Pete… I have to say - your Balls are so tender…
Pete Schweddy: Well, there’s no beating my Balls. They’re made from a secret Schweddy Family recipe. No one can resist my Schweddy Balls.
Margeret Jo McCullen: Wow… Schweddy Balls. Nothing like a Schweddy Ball.
Teri Rialto: Good Balls.
Margeret Jo McCullen: Mmm… good times.
Teri Rialto: Good times… Mmm… our producer is telling us it’s time to wrap it up.
Margeret Jo McCullen: That’s all the time we have today, Teri. So, join us next week, when our topic will be that other holiday favorite…
Margaret Jo & Teri - …Fragrant, Flavored Nuts.
Pete Schweddy: A quick plug! If you order from Season’s Eatings now, you can still send out a special Schweddy Ball Sack in time.
Margeret Jo McCullen: Great idea. My niece would love a Sack of Schweddy Balls…
[ fade out ]
There was an old skit with Dan Akroyd where he played a Jamacain chef. He had the blackface on and a ridiculously big dredlock wig. He was hosting acooking show, and this episode was about cooking spaghetti. He was using an awful accent (ya mon), as he decribed adding the sauce, the noodles, then finally, he opened a cupboard door, pulled out a garbage bag, and said
“And now you add the ganja!” and procedded to dump the entire bag full of weed into the pot.
My first ever encounter with Saturday Night Live (a re-run, apparently) occurred shortly after returning from having been out of the U.S. for a couple of years. All the rest of the family had made their respective ways off to bed, and I was thumbing through the channels looking for nothing in particular, when I came across what appeared to be a news show - “Point/CounterPoint” I think it was called.
I can’t begin to tell you how shocked I was when the anchorman turned to the anchorwoman(?) and said, “Jane, you ignorant slut!”
Network news broadcasts had undergone some remarkable changes in just a couple of years…
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>-(o)-<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Life is a tapestry.
Each new day brings with it the opportunity to sew by
word and deed within the heart of someone around us.
Let us choose our colors with care.
I don’t know how you guys feel about him, but IMHO, Will Ferrel is one of the funniest comics to be on SNL in a long time. He ranks with Hartman, Farley, Sandler, et. al. I know, KNOW he’ll fail in movies if he tries to break out, he should stick to SNL. But he does it and good! Damn he’s funny. “I know what they need ::knowing looks:: THE PERFECT CHEER!” Some girl danced to “We Like To Party” at a college talent show… save me, oh Lord. It reminded me of “The Perfect Cheer” it was horrible.
–Tim
I am very tired.
We are the children of the Eighties. We are not the first “lost generation” nor today’s lost generation; in fact, we think we know just where we stand - or are discovering it as we speak.
Oh,I loved the Smigel cartoon with the cat puking all over(the Drew Barrymore show).Also,I love the couple(nowadays)that keep getting sexual with each other.
Boris,It was Steve MArtin youre thinking of. I loved the swede balls one.Especially because you could see the uneasiness on Ana GAsteyers face,she didn’t like saying the stuff.
The best sketch? It was in one of the very first episodes. Chevy Chase was a personnel manager, and Richard Pryor was a job applicant. Chase had him do a word association test, with the words becoming more and more racial (“Spearchucker?..Cracker!” “Jungle Bunny?..White Trash!”). The climax was Chase saying the N-word, and Pryor instantly responding with “Dead Honkey!”
I think I’m in the minority in that all my favorite skits have been in the more recent seasons. Starting with when Dennis Miller did the news (he and Norm McDonald were the only two worth watching in that department). I don’t remember who played them, but one of the most comical sketches in my memory has, during a news segment, a nonsensical Bob Dylan commenting on music with an equally nonsensical Tom Petty - both of them right on target - hilarious!
Yesterday I caught myself singing : A leg 'n a led 'n a leg…
You guys have mentioned most of my faves already. I love the eddie murphy stuff, and basicall all the 80’s was good ( might have been my age)
But you missed the copy guy:
" Hey! Its Stee-vo…make-ing cop-ees…steev-a-ree-no, the steevster! Cammander Steeve of the uss Steev-o-prise…the Steev-inator!
“The Sinatra Group”, a takeoff on “The McLaughlan Group”, with Frank Sinatra, Sinead O’Connor, Sting as Billy Idol, etc. It was just freakin’ hilarious.
Oh, and then there was the Christopher Walken Psychic Friends Network… “This is Gary Busey. He suffered a massive head wound. And for what? For YOU?”
I have to agree that some of the best skits have come in the last few years. The Celebrity game shows are hilarious, the cartoons are great.
There was a really funny skit a few years ago with Patrick Stewart as Satan, and his minions start making fun of him. That was hilarious. That whole episode was pretty funny. “Tim McKracken, Scottish Therapist”, the sexy cakes, etc.
Oh, and another big vote for Happy Fun Ball. If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, seek shelter and cover head.
I remember one,with the great Phil Hartman. He did it about twice.He was an armed intruder,and kept threatening the lady,she’d grab the phone;he’d say Okay Now Your Gonna Get It! but never do anything. After what happened,you know they’re Never gonna rerun that!
Ambiguously Gay Duo - Robert Smigel
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey - ?
the horny couple - Chris Kattan, Cheri Oteri
Motivational speaker - Chris Farley
Roxbury guys - Chris Kattan, Will Ferrell
Weekend Update - Kevin Nealon/Jimmy Fallon, Tina Fey
and plenty others but they don’t come to mind right now.
I remember one where some guy asks to borrow some chapstick, and the other person doesn’t want it back after they’d used it, then people kept coming up and using it again… first some stranger, then some guy selling chili with chili all over his beard, then some hooker who used it on her sore-ridden lips, then on her underarms, then on her dog. Then it gets dropped through a sewer grate, and the person who owned it is saying “no really it’s OK” but everyone is trying to get it back. They ask if anyone has a stick and some gum… the hooker spits out her gum, and some guy says “I have this dead snake…” and holds up a stiff snake…
And what was the commercial that kept changing products? Like you’d think it was about insurance or something, and then it would change and you’d think it was for toothpaste, etc… I only saw it once and have always wanted to see it again… I can barely remember it, just the concept.
Anyone see the one when Tim Meadows is a census taker interviewing a strange man…i believe played by Christopher Walken? Had me on the floor laughing my arse off. (Hysterically, not just feigned. Loved it!)
And one with David Spade just talking to the camera, about his deadbeat father and how the holidays suck…it was so good.
The Garth Brooks and the Mango (that’s his name right?) thing, that was funny. Strange…but funny.