# Satus Check! Go To Hell Carolina! GO TO HELL! **URL:** \ **Category:** The Game Room\ **Created:** [March 8, 2008, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552 "2008-03-08T02:06:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2008, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/1 "2008-03-08T02:06:18Z")
It’s early spring in The Old North State. Wee birdies are a-chirpin". Tiny precious buds are poking their tender heads above the sod, only to be frozen to death in mid May. The lonely esophagus waits on wafted wing. Roy Williams’ skin has officially been measured at 2 microns thick. Traveller Hansbro eagerly awaits his next pedicure. Cases of brie and Chablis chill in homes flung far and wide inside the Sahara of the Bozarts. AND CAROLINA CAN STILL GO TO HELL1 ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2008, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/2 "2008-03-08T02:41:58Z")
Are those monkey butlers I see approaching? ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2008, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/3 "2008-03-08T09:57:14Z")
[QUOTE=Hal Briston] Are those monkey butlers I see approaching? [/QUOTE] Almost certainly, sir Julep? One for the missus? ---
**Author:** ![bbs2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e495f1/32.png) [@bbs2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bbs2k)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2008, 10:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/4 "2008-03-08T10:00:10Z")
Loud noises! ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2008, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/5 "2008-03-08T16:56:54Z")
And in other news Katan is arising from his day-coffin, ordering his legion of flopping monkeys to go forth and faint dead away at the merest hint of enemy pevetration. Furthermore, thousands of sickly students who wouldn’t realize basketball strategy if it came up and bit them in the butt are busily memorizing their Cheer Sheets, since they don’t have the wit to think originally. Yep, it’s that time of year. d00k-Carolina, when the righteous defenders of Sacred Carolina soil again attempt to vanquish the Yankee Hordes that matriculated at the university of New Jersey at Durham. Go Heels! Beat d00k! ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2008, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/6 "2008-03-08T17:37:00Z")
[QUOTE=Wargamer] And in other news Katan is arising from his day-coffin, ordering his legion of flopping monkeys to go forth and faint dead away at the merest hint of enemy pevetration. Furthermore, thousands of sickly students who wouldn’t realize basketball strategy if it came up and bit them in the butt are busily memorizing their Cheer Sheets, since they don’t have the wit to think originally. Yep, it’s that time of year. d00k-Carolina, when the righteous defenders of Sacred Carolina soil again attempt to vanquish the Yankee Hordes that matriculated at the university of New Jersey at Durham. Go Heels! Beat d00k! [/QUOTE] Hey, did you catch Speedo Guy on ESPN Gameday? Even a Hole has to admit that’s funny. I believe they will show it again tonight, starting at 8PM. Jackie Manuel owns up to being punked. And Speedo Guy is now a minister. ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2008, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/7 "2008-03-08T17:53:21Z")
Yep, I did see that. And I immediately tore my eyes out. Fortunately, i’m a touch typist, so my spelling should still be OK. (That was pretty classic, and Manuel, not being the best of foul shooters, was probably the best guy to have at the line to try that on.) Seriously, I expect tonight’s game will be another in a long line of nailbiters, and I would not be surprised to see either team win. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2008, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/8 "2008-03-08T18:06:34Z")
[QUOTE=Wargamer] Seriously, I expect tonight’s game will be another in a long line of nailbiters, and I would not be surprised to see either team win. [/QUOTE] Agreed. [And speaking of flopping monkeys.](http://www.newsobserver.com/734/story/938581.html) ---
**Author:** ![Spoke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e57/32.png) [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2008, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/9 "2008-03-08T21:26:40Z")
[I agree with Roy.](http://www.dukebasketballreport.com/images/homePage/royanddukeguy.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 8, 2008, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/10 "2008-03-08T21:37:49Z")
[QUOTE=spoke-] [I agree with Roy.](http://www.dukebasketballreport.com/images/homePage/royanddukeguy.jpg) [/QUOTE] Hell yeah! ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2008, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/11 "2008-03-09T02:44:05Z")
All else being equal, if I had to choose between wine and cheese and sitting next to Speedo Guy, I’d ask for some crackers, too. Dook actually _admitted_ this guy? I’m just amazed such an intellect can produce functioning motor skills. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2008, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/12 "2008-03-09T02:47:56Z")
[QUOTE=drewbert] All else being equal, if I had to choose between wine and cheese and sitting next to Speedo Guy, I’d ask for some crackers, too. Dook actually _admitted_ this guy? I’m just amazed such an intellect can produce functioning motor skills. [/QUOTE] The Dirty Footmen are 0 for 4 against Speedo Guys, FWIW. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2008, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/13 "2008-03-09T04:14:29Z")
Did he get in on an athletic scholarship, then? ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Sensitive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/58956e/32.png) [@Darth\_Sensitive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Sensitive)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2008, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/14 "2008-03-09T04:38:36Z")
Who’s speedo guy? ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2008, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/15 "2008-03-09T04:53:14Z")
If you were watching the ESPN broadcast carefully during the first half, you might have seen a Dook fan in the stands, wearing nothing but black speedo shorts, making thrusting gestures toward the camera. A new low for Dook fandom. ESPN had to apologize. ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2008, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/16 "2008-03-09T16:21:44Z")
Plus Thompson hit his second FT, so us Tar Holes are 1-4 vs. Speedo Guy’s Patented Free Throw Defense. Edit: In addition to being a Godless Tar Heel, I can’t spell either. ---
**Author:** ![drewbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drewbert/32/15890_2.png) [@drewbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewbert)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2008, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/satus-check-go-to-hell-carolina-go-to-hell/440552/17 "2008-03-10T02:03:38Z")
[Dan Shulman apologizes for showing Speedo Guy](http://ballhype.com/video/dan_shulman_apologies_for_the_new_speedo_guy_1/) [sub]It’s like a tradition, only cruder[/sub]