# Saucy salutations needed for answering the phone. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 15, 2006, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483 "2006-11-15T03:40:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/1 "2006-11-15T03:40:27Z")
My husband just called to see if there’s anything I need from the store on his way home. I know it’s him; we’re cel-only, and his name and number shows up on display when he calls me. So I answered: “Elegant Escorts—always hiring ‘10’s’.” His retort: “That’s an old joke. You need to get some new ones.” Okay. Other than “MacDonald’s Mortuary–you stab 'em, we slab 'em!”… …how can I answer the phone when he calls me tomorrow night same time? ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/2 "2006-11-15T03:42:18Z")
Joe’s Crematorium - You kill 'em, we grill 'em! ---
**Author:** ![SnakesCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@SnakesCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SnakesCatLady)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/3 "2006-11-15T03:53:29Z")
“Harry’s Pool Hall, 8-Ball speaking.” ---
**Author:** ![Rigamarole](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/77aa72/32.png) [@Rigamarole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rigamarole)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 4:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/4 "2006-11-15T04:01:16Z")
(in your best sultry voice) Stacy’s Spicy Singles Chat Line - this is Stacy, how can I serve you today? ---
**Author:** ![Spongemom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Spongemom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spongemom)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/5 "2006-11-15T04:09:10Z")
911, what is your emergency? \'s Amish farm. Sorry, we don’t have a phone. _click_ The number you have dialed has been disconnected. (try to sound mechanical) What’s your favorite scary movie? Thank you for voting. That will be a … $9.99 … charge to your phone bill. Please hang up … now. Whaaaat? (ala toddler) This is (local station) and you are ON THE AIR! Do you have the _pause_ _stuff_? ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/6 "2006-11-15T04:09:48Z")
All I can think of right now are if you are calling home. “I’ll be home in 20 minutes. Don’t have anything on except the radio.” and “This is a collect obscene phone call, will you accept the charges?” ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/7 "2006-11-15T04:10:06Z")
One time, Tom called me up, and briefly had to ring off for some reason, telling me he’d call back shortly. I got a call a minute or so later, and picked up the phone with a sultry, “Hey, baby!” It was my mom. :eek: :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Lakai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/9de0a6/32.png) [@Lakai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lakai)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/8 "2006-11-15T05:18:56Z")
When a clerk at my store knows who is calling he answers: “_store name_ wines liquors and prostitutes, how may I help you?” ---
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/9 "2006-11-15T05:30:57Z")
[QUOTE=Savannah] Okay. Other than “MacDonald’s Mortuary–you stab 'em, we slab 'em!”… …how can I answer the phone when he calls me tomorrow night same time? [/QUOTE] Phil’s Abortion Agency! You rape 'em, we scrape 'em, no fetus can beat us! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/10 "2006-11-15T06:33:37Z")
“[blank]'s taxidermy, you bag 'em, we tag 'em.” Or, the alternate: "[blank]'s taxidermy, you snuff 'em, we stuff 'em. ---
**Author:** ![UntouchedTakeaway](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/d78d45/32.png) [@UntouchedTakeaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UntouchedTakeaway)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 11:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/11 "2006-11-15T11:17:54Z")
[QUOTE=Savannah] My husband just called to see if there’s anything I need from the store on his way home. I know it’s him; we’re cel-only, and his name and number shows up on display when he calls me. So I answered: “Elegant Escorts—always hiring ‘10’s’.” His retort: “That’s an old joke. You need to get some new ones.” Okay. Other than “MacDonald’s Mortuary–you stab 'em, we slab 'em!”… …how can I answer the phone when he calls me tomorrow night same time? [/QUOTE] “Grant’s Tomb - Grant speaking” 😃 “Yer nickel - start talkin’!” Both of these are from my dad. VCNJ~ ---
**Author:** ![Queen\_Tonya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/4491bb/32.png) [@Queen\_Tonya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Queen_Tonya)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/12 "2006-11-15T11:28:15Z")
A guy at work answers the interoffice phone system thusly: Good morning/afternoon! Press 1 for English. Press 2 to be disconnected until you realize this is the USA and take the time to learn the language. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/13 "2006-11-15T11:46:12Z")
[QUOTE=Spongemom] \'s Amish farm. Sorry, we don’t have a phone. _click_ [/QUOTE] This is excellent. ---
**Author:** ![Common\_Tater](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/common_tater/32/13846_2.png) [@Common\_Tater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Common_Tater)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/14 "2006-11-15T11:51:48Z")
I once answered a non-official, barracks pay phone with “Supreme Allied Headquarters, may I help you…” “Who is this…??!” “You don’t know, do ya…” 🙂 Eventually he got tired and realized the futility… yuk yuk ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/15 "2006-11-15T12:06:31Z")
“Kalhoun’s Cookie Jar. Which crumb did you want to speak with?” ---
**Author:** ![Carlyjay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Carlyjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carlyjay)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/16 "2006-11-15T14:30:26Z")
I always enjoy screwing them up. If I see I’m getting a call from “Bill Smith”, I answer with: “Hi, is Bill there?” …And then giggle madly when I hear them say “Uh… er… speakin–hey, I was calling YOU!” ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/17 "2006-11-15T14:37:37Z")
Hello, the answering machine is on its break so this call is being handled by Savannah’s steam iron, but you don’t have to press anything. Just start talking. ---
**Author:** ![Jimson\_Jim\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9fc348/32.png) [@Jimson\_Jim\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jimson_Jim_1)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/18 "2006-11-15T14:47:30Z")
[QUOTE=Carlyjay] “Hi, is Bill there?” [QUOTE] This particular response flustered my mother in law so badly that she actually hung up the phone. It only worked once on her though. ---
**Author:** ![dmatsch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3be4f8/32.png) [@dmatsch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dmatsch)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/19 "2006-11-15T15:01:15Z")
CIA Southern Tactical Command. May I have your authorization code? –“I think I have the wrong number” \ HOW DID YOU GET THIS NUMBER? THIS IS A CLASSIFIED LINE. DO NOT LEAVE YOUR CURRENT LOCATION, WE ARE SENDING SECURITY AGENTS TO YOUR LOCATION IMMEDIATELY. \ ---
**Author:** ![Savannah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b3f665/32.png) [@Savannah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Savannah)\ **Post date:** [November 15, 2006, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/20 "2006-11-15T15:15:17Z")
Hee! I can’t wait for the phone to ring. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483.md?page=2)