# Saucy salutations needed for answering the phone. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 15, 2006, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483 "2006-11-15T03:40:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2006, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/41 "2006-11-16T00:01:19Z")
Spencer Gifts (you know, in the mall) used to sell a little keychain thingy that had a prerecorded soundtrack of a woman “screamer” making orgasmic utterances. I bought one with the intent of playing it for telemarketers but then I signed up for the do not call list and now nobody calls me. I also though better of it as they would probably spread the word and everyone would be calling. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2006, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/42 "2006-11-16T00:09:11Z")
Jimmy Raney, the jazz guitarist, went through a phase in the late 1940s where he would answer his phone “Grand Central Roach Control.” I think he might have copped that from an S.J. Perelman short story (or maybe the other way around). ---
**Author:** ![Stentor\_2.5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@Stentor\_2.5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stentor_2.5)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2006, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/43 "2006-11-16T03:07:28Z")
I used to answe with “Howdy, you’ve reached the stentor residence. Start talkin’” in the sort of cutesy accent you’d expect on an answering machine. It would scare the bejesus out of them when I interrupted them in the middle of leaving a message. ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2006, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/44 "2006-11-16T03:26:29Z")
“Thank you for calling Savannah’s Massage Parlor, where we never rub you the wrong way!” ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2006, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/45 "2006-11-16T03:43:00Z")
Savanna’s House of Ill Repute: Poker in the Front; Liquor in the Rear. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_chao_goes_mu/32/3191_2.png) [@The\_Chao\_Goes\_Mu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Chao_Goes_Mu)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2006, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/46 "2006-11-16T17:39:34Z")
“House of Pain, how may I hurt you?” ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2006, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/47 "2006-11-16T17:56:55Z")
“Psychic Hotline, I’m sorry but you’ve dialed the wrong number.” ---
**Author:** ![Mindfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mindfield/32/19759_2.png) [@Mindfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mindfield)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2006, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/48 "2006-11-16T18:20:34Z")
[QUOTE=Savannah] Okay. Other than “MacDonald’s Mortuary–you stab 'em, we slab 'em!”… [/QUOTE] A friend of mine used to expound on that with “Bob’s Mortuary, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, some go to heaven, some go to _Helllooooo!_” ---
**Author:** ![KlondikeGeoff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3e96dc/32.png) [@KlondikeGeoff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KlondikeGeoff)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2006, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/49 "2006-11-16T19:08:58Z")
From the movie, _Keeping Up With the Steins,_ \ Meat Market, You can;'t beat the prices, you can’t beat the meat. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2006, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/50 "2006-11-16T19:28:39Z")
Now, why did I call you? I can’t remember. Every time I pick this thing up, it talks to me. It’s starting to scare me. If you have reached this number, we are under extra-terrestrial attack. This is not a test. Please hold for emergency instructions. Is my dog over there? ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2006, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483/51 "2006-11-16T19:50:50Z")
“Rock and Roll Heaven, Hendrix speaking.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saucy-salutations-needed-for-answering-the-phone/380483.md?page=2)