# "Save the date"? Are you really expecting me to come? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 12, 2015, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/save-the-date-are-you-really-expecting-me-to-come/727614 "2015-08-12T02:27:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2015, 7:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/save-the-date-are-you-really-expecting-me-to-come/727614/21 "2015-08-12T19:58:56Z")
Agreed that the new convention of ‘save the date’ is a great addition to everyday etiquette. When my older son decided to marry, they set the date immediately, but didn’t have a venue or a time nailed down until a couple of months later. They sent out the ‘save the date’ cards to allow those friends and family who would want to attend as much time as possible to make that happen. Since many people have to submit vacation request, for example, quite a long time in advance, or they may just want to reserve a day or two of vacation knowing an event is coming up later, this is a great way to get the info to them. The kids felt this was particularly important since they were planing an October wedding – months after many people have already scheduled or used their vacation time. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/save-the-date-are-you-really-expecting-me-to-come/727614/22 "2015-08-13T01:29:25Z")
> [@doreen](#): > > No save-the-dates are only meant to notify people of the date and location so that _if they want to_, they can avoid scheduling conflicts (for example, scheduling a vacation either before or after the event so that they can attend) .But it’s not uncommon for someone who already knows they can’t attend (perhaps they already know their niece is getting married on the same date) to notify the hosts immediately upon receiving the save-the-date. It’s not necessary but it can be helpful in planning. This. ---
**Author:** ![jabiru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bbce88/32.png) [@jabiru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jabiru)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/save-the-date-are-you-really-expecting-me-to-come/727614/23 "2015-08-13T01:54:08Z")
My son and daughter-in-law sent out ‘save the date’ cards. I’d heard of them before but never received one (it’s ages since I last went to a wedding). Since every invitee except the bride’s parents were coming from interstate or overseas, it made a lot of sense to me. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/save-the-date-are-you-really-expecting-me-to-come/727614/24 "2015-08-13T03:10:08Z")
> [@kdeus](#): > > “Save the date”? Are you really expecting me to come? Yes, they do. I mean, they sent you a magnet and everything. Do you have to go? No, but when the invitation comes a polite declination would be nicer than I usually am. ---
**Author:** ![Hail\_Ants](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/dc4da7/32.png) [@Hail\_Ants](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hail_Ants)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/save-the-date-are-you-really-expecting-me-to-come/727614/25 "2015-08-13T13:04:20Z")
Not to stink up the place, but am I the only one who read the OP title **“Save the date”? Are you really expecting me to come?** \*\*\*completely \*\*\*wrong?! As in a hopefully romantic meeting (i.e. a ‘date’) has gone south, and someone is trying to salvage it with (maybe fake) good sex?! :eek: I am so, so sorry… ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/save-the-date-are-you-really-expecting-me-to-come/727614/26 "2015-08-13T19:42:26Z")
This is why I don’t go to weddings. They are way too complicated. ---
**Author:** ![Habeed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a587f6/32.png) [@Habeed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Habeed)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2015, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/save-the-date-are-you-really-expecting-me-to-come/727614/27 "2015-08-13T19:45:27Z")
Doesn’t a wedding involve free high end food, free booze, music and dancing…I’m just saying, it sounds like a pretty good time. If you aren’t expected to spend large sums of your own money to show up (like in the case of destination weddings where you are expected to fly there out of your own pocket), why not? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/save-the-date-are-you-really-expecting-me-to-come/727614/28 "2015-08-14T22:56:03Z")
Nope. Usually banquet hall rubber chicken or cooked-til-dry salmon. Open bar, if at all, for a limited time. Bar closed during dinner. Cash bar after dinner. AND you have to bring a gift at least worth the price of your and your date’s dinners. Unless you are hoping to hook up, it’s a waste of time and money. AND, if you aren’t a total jerk, you have to sit through the wedding itself. Decline and send a cheap gift card timed to be lost in all the other gift cards so they don’t know what a cheapskate you are, but remember that the bride and her mom will log every last dime she gets and who it’s from, so get one that leaves the denomination blank. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/save-the-date-are-you-really-expecting-me-to-come/727614/29 "2015-08-14T23:24:13Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > Nope. Usually banquet hall rubber chicken or cooked-til-dry salmon. Open bar, if at all, for a limited time. Bar closed during dinner. Cash bar after dinner. AND you have to bring a gift at least worth the price of your and your date’s dinners. Unless you are hoping to hook up, it’s a waste of time and money. AND, if you aren’t a total jerk, you have to sit through the wedding itself. You need to get better friends and go to better weddings. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/save-the-date-are-you-really-expecting-me-to-come/727614.md?page=1)