# Saving Britney **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 14, 2007, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236 "2007-09-14T22:03:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/1 "2007-09-14T22:03:13Z")
I finally broke down and watched Britney [sic] Spears’ much maligned MTV 2007 VMA performance. I have to say, I can’t see what the big deal is. Yes, she looked a bit pudgier than when she was sixteen, but other than that? Was her lip-synching less convincing than usual? Were her strutting “dance” moves less sharp? Maybe the pop song she was supposedly singing was even more forgettable than pop songs usually are? These days, the word “fiasco” is never far from our minds, but I’m really not seeing the fiasco here. It seem more like business as usual to me. However, Spears seems in need of damage control, and I’ve got a plan. It’s a million-dollar idea, but given that I’m not likely to get in a position to pitch it, I’ll just post it here. Apparently, Sarah Silverman did an only marginally more entertaining send-up of Britney in the very same show. (Why, again, do people watch MTV?) So, next time Silverman is performing on TV, preferably Saturday Night Live or something like that, Britney could come on stage and denounce her for being so mean, and vow revenge. (Work with me here. This will all be staged beforehand.) Britney then acknowledges that she can’t beat Silverman at snarky comedy, so she has hired another even more sarcastic comedian to take her on. I’m thinking Kathy Griffin. So Griffin comes on stage and starts ripping Silverman apart, while Britney looks on in smug satisfaction. At some point though, either on her own, or with encouragement from Silverman, she turns to targeting Britney instead, who after all is much more easily mockable. Slowly at first, but with gaining momentum, and then in a tag-team with Silverman, Griffin begin to roast Britney alive. Britney is finally pushed past her breaking point, and with a rally cry of “You bitches!” she comes lunging at them. Some screeching and hair-pulling later, the aging pop diva is subdued by the comedienne duo, and the incident seems closed. Ah, but then comes the stinger! Britney with an evil glint in her eye says that she didn’t get where she was without making a “Plan B”. Joan Rivers then stalks onto stage and says, “Can we talk?”, with an arch look at the visibly worried Griffin and Silverman. Then there’s the wrap. Everyone smiles. Cue the applause. The result is Britney diffuses the issue, manages to stay relevant in the media for a couple more weeks, and maybe gets a few people on her side. Our great country is well-stocked with people who are willing to overlook complete lack of talent, drug addiction, child endangerment, and psychotic meltdowns as long as you can show you have a sense of humor and are willing to be a good sport about it. It could work! ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/2 "2007-09-14T22:06:22Z")
That’s funny. But for people who are worried in saving Britney, may I suggest another worthy cause: [http://www.savedarfur.org](http://www.savedarfur.org) ---
**Author:** ![kelly5078](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/6f9a4e/32.png) [@kelly5078](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kelly5078)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/3 "2007-09-14T22:32:14Z")
That is the greatest hijack I’ve ever seen. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/4 "2007-09-14T22:58:44Z")
**Greg** , the fact that you sic’ed the spelling of her name brought me enough giggles to numb the pain of that link Arnold posted. ---
**Author:** ![Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4da419/32.png) [@Gala\_Matrix\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gala_Matrix_Fire)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2007, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/5 "2007-09-14T23:24:09Z")
Which one’s the aging pop diva? Did you mention Madonna and I missed it? Is 25 _aging_ nowadays? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2007, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/6 "2007-09-15T06:02:32Z")
[QUOTE=Arnold Winkelried] That’s funny. But for people who are worried in saving Britney, may I suggest another worthy cause: [http://www.savedarfur.org](http://www.savedarfur.org) [/QUOTE] Well played, sir. ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2007, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/7 "2007-09-15T09:00:06Z")
[QUOTE=Nzinga, Seated] **Greg** , the fact that you sic’ed the spelling of her name brought me enough giggles to numb the pain of that link Arnold posted. [/QUOTE] OK, I gotta know - what link? Where link? ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2007, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/8 "2007-09-15T16:40:10Z")
Well, I thought it was funny, but there’s more love for a random hijack. Oh, well. Thanks Nzinga. I’m glad you liked it at least! ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2007, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/9 "2007-09-15T17:53:00Z")
[QUOTE=singular1] OK, I gotta know - what link? Where link? [/QUOTE] Save Darfur, up there. ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2007, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/10 "2007-09-16T23:35:56Z")
[QUOTE=bluethree] Which one’s the aging pop diva? Did you mention Madonna and I missed it? Is 25 _aging_ nowadays? [/QUOTE] Generally speaking no, but when your fan base mostly consisted of 14 year-old girls and pedophiles, then yes. ---
**Author:** ![ArizonaTeach](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/45deac/32.png) [@ArizonaTeach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArizonaTeach)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/11 "2007-09-17T00:14:25Z")
You leave Britney alone! ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/12 "2007-09-17T02:50:39Z")
I tried saving Britney, but she didn’t stay fresh for s long as I thought she would. Robin ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/13 "2007-09-17T02:52:08Z")
[QUOTE=ArizonaTeach] You leave Britney alone! [/QUOTE] _FAIRY GODPARENTS!_ Wait, wrong one. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/14 "2007-09-17T03:50:12Z")
Saving Britney? You could but why would you? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![Sanity\_Challenged](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de053/32.png) [@Sanity\_Challenged](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sanity_Challenged)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/15 "2007-09-17T04:05:16Z")
Britney doesn’t need saving. You’ll all be amazed at her strategic genius in another week or two when it turns out that awful outfit tragically displaying her new Britney belly was all a carefully calculated plan to properly position Gimme More as the theme song for Burger King’s new ad campaign. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2007, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/16 "2007-09-17T04:56:38Z")
Okay idea, but the WWF would probably sue you for copyright infringement. ---
**Author:** ![MannyL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@MannyL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MannyL)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2007, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/17 "2007-09-18T03:20:32Z")
[QUOTE=Voyager] Okay idea, but the WWF would probably sue you for copyright infringement. [/QUOTE] Why would the **W** orld **W** ildlife **F** und care? ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2007, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/18 "2007-09-18T12:48:28Z")
Shaving Britney? I think I got beat to the punch. Someone already scorched the earth. ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2007, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/19 "2007-09-18T14:45:58Z")
Why does Britney even need to be saved? Why does this ass clown keep getting chance after chance when there are legitmately talented artists and musicians who can’t even get record deals? Give me a break. The sooner she fades into obscurity the better. ---
**Author:** ![WarmNPrickly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/d78d45/32.png) [@WarmNPrickly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WarmNPrickly)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2007, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/saving-britney/419236/20 "2007-09-18T17:25:18Z")
[QUOTE=Arnold W] That’s funny. But for people who are worried in saving Britney, may I suggest another worthy cause: [http://www.savedarfur.org](http://www.savedarfur.org) [/QUOTE] Brilliant! In fact there is a way to accomplish both tasks at once. Britney could organize a large singing group made up of all of todays rock stars and donate all the proceeds to Darfur. We’ll call it U.S.A. for Darfur. That would both raise Britneys public image and bring money to the cause. It’s worked before! No it didn’t