# Sawing my couch in half (no, seriously) **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [September 9, 2002, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641 "2002-09-09T13:15:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![tramp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@tramp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tramp)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/1 "2002-09-09T13:15:28Z")
Ok here is the Cliff Notes version of my problem. I own a very expensive, very purple couch. I love my couch. My couch is awesome. It matches the rest of my purple furniture. I cannot get rid of the couch. This weekend I moved from an apartment to a townhouse. Now I had measured the couch and had full confidence that it would fit up the stairs. No dice. The staircase has a bizarre 90 degree turn at the top of it and the couch couldn’t fit. The movers and I even tried busting the wall but the couch still wouldn’t fit. There is no window big enough to bring it in through. So my beautiful, wonderful couch is resting in front of the front door. ☹ ☹ All I want is for my couch to go upstairs and rest with the rest of its matching furniture. Now, the movers, who were kind of shady and didn’t have many teeth, said they had heard of people sawing their couches in half and bringing them upstairs and then, with glue and heat, they magically go back together. I am skeptical of this. First, has anyone heard of this? Anyone actually tried this? And where would I find a place in the Metro DC area to get this done? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/2 "2002-09-09T13:53:12Z")
Hmmm, it isn’t going to be nearly as simple as that, I would think (if it’s possible at all). I would imagine it would go something like this: Carefully remove fabric covering and padding etc. If the wooden framework is held together by screws or bolts, undo some and disassemble it. If it isn’t, then either try to knock apart some of the tenon joints or (gulp) cut the timber in places where it could be joined back together with large dowels or similar (and these places probably need to be bits that are not part of the load-bearing structure). Reassemble upstairs (possibly a job for a professional carpenter). Replace padding and fabric covering (possibly a job for a professional upholsterer) I’d contact a few carpenters and/or upholsterers first. ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/3 "2002-09-09T13:57:07Z")
Block & tackle & a window. Try professional piano movers. They could manage. (No Joke). ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/4 "2002-09-09T13:59:23Z")
tramp says in his/her OP there’s no window big enough through which the sofa can fit. ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/5 "2002-09-09T13:59:32Z")
What **Mangetout** said. I once read a nifty article in The Washington Post (Magazine, maybe) about a furniture repair guy who made a nifty living solving problems exactly like yours. I forget what name he went by…Furniture Doctor, perhaps? Furniture Emergency? In the meantime, please do try to get your couch under cover…cats, rats, and mice love them. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![h.sapiens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e0b2c6/32.png) [@h.sapiens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/h.sapiens)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/6 "2002-09-09T14:23:55Z")
Wouldn’t it be nice to be able occasionally to bend space-time _just_ enough so that you could get a couch up a staircase? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/7 "2002-09-09T14:31:39Z")
Just a thought; you said it wouldn’t fit through any windows; did you mean that it won’t fit through the _bit that opens_? - if you have a window that would be large enough, but doesn’t open, then maybe a glazier can help you solve the problem by temporarily removing the glass or the whole window and frame. ---
**Author:** ![chique](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@chique](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chique)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/8 "2002-09-09T14:34:04Z")
Ok, I think I’ve found the article. Since you’re already in DC, see if you can’t get to the library for a copy 1 October 1995 Sunday Magazine from the Post. There’s an article entitled “Born Again” in there, and I’m pretty sure that’s it. You can get the article [online](http://nl3.newsbank.com/nl-search/we/Archives?p_product=WP&p_theme=wpost&p_action=search&p_maxdocs=200&p_text_search-0=furniture+take+apart&p_field_label-0=Section&p_text_label-0=Magazine&s_dispstring=furniture+take+apartsection(Magazine)%20AND%20date(1995)&p_field_date-0=YMD_date&p_params_date-0=date:B,E&p_text_date-0=1995&p_perpage=10&p_sort=YMD_date:D&xcal_useweights=no), too, but it’ll cost you a couple of bucks. The guy takes all the upholstery and padding off, takes the skeleton apart, moves it all to where you want it, and puts it back together again. But it wasn’t cheap, IIRC. ---
**Author:** ![cdhostage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@cdhostage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cdhostage)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/9 "2002-09-09T14:45:04Z")
DO NOT just saw it in half. Disassemble it completely and bring its components upstairs and reassemble it. Then again, if all of your furniture is purple, perhaps your mechanical skills aren’t too great. ---
**Author:** ![tramp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@tramp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tramp)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/10 "2002-09-09T15:28:45Z")
I’m sorry. How does one disassemble furniture? And how am I, a law student/lobbyist not a carpenter/upholsterer, supposed to get it back together? ---
**Author:** ![tramp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@tramp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tramp)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/11 "2002-09-09T15:38:09Z")
chique- I read the article but I don’t think it was the one you were looking for. I will look in the phonebook later today for a furniture doctor. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/12 "2002-09-09T15:42:03Z")
I don’t mean to sound unkind **tramp** , but unless you have basic carpentry/sewing/DIY experience, don’t even attempt it yourself. ---
**Author:** ![tramp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@tramp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tramp)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/13 "2002-09-09T16:36:37Z")
Oh don’t worry Mangetout, I was never going to attempt this myself. I was just wondering if there was a service of professionals to attempt this for me. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![postcards](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8e8cbc/32.png) [@postcards](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/postcards)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/14 "2002-09-09T16:47:32Z")
Try calling an upolsterer, they may know someone. Friends of mine just had this done; it wasn’t cheap, either. We’re in NYC, so referrals won’t work… ---
**Author:** ![tramp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4491bb/32.png) [@tramp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tramp)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/15 "2002-09-09T16:49:02Z")
How not cheap are we talking about? ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/16 "2002-09-09T17:48:58Z")
Are there bannisters on the staircase that could be removed? Have you tried standing it on its end, verticaly, I mean? Ask your new neighbors how _they_ get their furniture upstairs. Contact the old tenant for advice. Give up lobbying & become a monk. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/17 "2002-09-09T18:03:29Z")
I reupholstered my sofa a few years ago. It was labor intensive, and took me the better part of two weeks & two weekends. I would estimate I spent about 40-60 hours, not counting time I was shopping for replacement fabric, hardware, staples, etc. So, for a low-ball estimate, figure out how much a professional carpenter makes in 40 hours. Then multiply it by 2 if you ever plan on moving out. ---
**Author:** ![femtosecond](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f08c70/32.png) [@femtosecond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/femtosecond)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/18 "2002-09-09T18:47:03Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by h.sapiens_ > **Wouldn’t it be nice to be able occasionally to bend space-time just enough so that you could get a couch up a staircase?** May I recommend reading “Dirk Gently’s Holistic Detective Agency” by Douglas Adams? The story contains a time machine, a staircase, and a stuck sofa… > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Bosda_ > **Give up lobbying & become a monk.** …and also an electric monk. ---
**Author:** ![PBear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/839c29/32.png) [@PBear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PBear)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/19 "2002-09-09T20:51:26Z")
FWIW, I’ve actually done this. OTOH, it was for a basement rec room and I did it with an old second-hand couch, for the obvious reason. Also, I have basic carpentry skills (though no more). What I did was turtle the couch (cushions removed, of course) and identify the braces that had to be “broken” so the couch could bend through the tight spot (also a stairs problem). Cut through each of those with a jig saw. The biggest problem is that, at some point, you almost certainly have to cut some of the fabric. Not all of it. Just enough, say six inches at each of the top and bottom, to permit the couch to band. In my case, I didn’t care. Obviously you will. Perhaps your piece is put together a little differently. Or you can see some way to stitch it. Or you can release the fabric, then reattach. No way for me to know whether any of these will work without seeing it. Then there’re reassembly. Surprisingly easy. Home improvement stores sell rectangular steel braces for holding adjoining pieces of wood together. Not really intended for furniture, but they’ll work. You need to brace both up-and-down AND front-to-back The more braces (within reason) the better… Drill pilot holes, then set wood screws. Reattach or mend fabric. Done. To be clear, this is not a risk-free proposition. There is no assurance you (or whoever you have do the work) will be able to “break” the piece cleanly, or reassemble it sturdily. Even if all goes well, the piece won’t last as long as otherwise. And there’s that fabric problem which I skipped. Hope that helps. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2002, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641/20 "2002-09-09T21:28:12Z")
I bet _I_ could get it around that bend in the stair case. It’s like a 3-d spatial puzzle. You’ve got to bring the couch into the bend end up and at _just_ the right angle then flip it around…yes that’s it… just like that… and alley op… there you go, just like Tetris! Now granted, you’ve got to get some beefy mooks to be able to carry the couch in this awkard position, but that’s where your feminine wiles come in. If your wiles are not up to snuff (though with your user name I would hope they are), a six pack and some home made lasagna should be able to substiitute. If neither wiles nor cooking skills are in abundance a check book will do in pinch. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sawing-my-couch-in-half-no-seriously/127641.md?page=2)