# Say you find a condom... **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 23, 2005, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774 "2005-07-23T05:28:36Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/41 "2005-07-24T01:22:34Z")
> [@Portia](#): > > gulp, ruined how? Silicone lube, which is what many (if not most) lubricated condoms are lubricated with, tends to react with silicone toys. It eats into them, to the best of my knowledge. Have not tried this out myself, as silicone toys tend to be expensive. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/42 "2005-07-24T01:23:53Z")
Oops, misread. My point still stands, though. ---
**Author:** ![Ink\_a\_dink\_a\_dink](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/ec9cab/32.png) [@Ink\_a\_dink\_a\_dink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ink_a_dink_a_dink)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/43 "2005-07-24T03:21:17Z")
basic premise is correct - different types of lube can become absorbed into different types of toys, thereby renderng them useless. Ah…Renaldo…I miss ye… Inky ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/44 "2005-07-24T04:12:06Z")
> [@Waverly](#): > > Nah, lying is more of a hot button for me, which is what would drive me to get to the bottom of it. > > Having gone through dry spells myself, I’ve had condoms expire on me before I could use up the box [anyone care to admit the same? show of hands]. I kept them around anyway, thinking that latex lasts a bit longer than the date would imply, and the expiration date was mostly of a gimmick to make me buy more. > > So… if I were the type of person who cheated, I wouldn’t hesitate to put my expired condoms in my used cheater-mobile before heading on over to the In-N-Out for a burger and lovely to do the old In-N-Out with. > > Expired condoms are no alibi, unless you are a terribly wishful thinker. This is just bizarre. The described situation is a wife finding a years-old box of condoms under the seat of her husband’s truck. Unless you think it’s reasonable for the woman to conclude that her husband had (1) kept an old box of condoms after they moved on to alternative forms of birth control, (2) stored it away unbeknownst to her for years, (3) remembered that it existed when, years later, he decided to go after some on the side, and (4) figured that those expired condoms he had squirreled away in his wife-proof hiding place would be the appropriate means of protection, I just don’t see how it’s remotely reasonable for her to be suspicious. ---
**Author:** ![DiosaBellissima](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a8b319/32.png) [@DiosaBellissima](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiosaBellissima)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 4:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/45 "2005-07-24T04:16:01Z")
> [@Waverly](#): > > I originally read this with that second to last period as a comma… fairly disturbing stuff! > [@Portia](#): > > So did I! :eek: Hey, Jesus doesn’t get anal either. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/46 "2005-07-24T04:25:26Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > I need to get over this and trust him again. It’s been several weeks since it happened and now it’s this hot little ball in my chest that won’t go away. > > Now I’m more afraid this doubt is going to mess things up for me, for us, than I am that he’s cheated on me. I would say that the explanation seems plausible, and nothing you’ve said sounds like it was fishy. Jealously can be a killer, though. I had a girlfriend once who was constantly doubting me even though I had never done anything wrong. It did get really ugly, and caused our break up. It sounds like a good time to work on the rough spot you guys are having. That may be helping fuel this. good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Rushgeekgirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rushgeekgirl/32/3715_2.png) [@Rushgeekgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rushgeekgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/47 "2005-07-24T05:35:51Z")
> [@](#): > > RGG, it sounds like your man and relationship are quite solid, (and can we get a baby pic?) but I think you’ll feel more secure and trusting after you’re married. What he said sounds like a very plausible and reasonable truth and w/o proof otherwise you’ll only needlessly worry yourself ill about it. Oh most definitely I’ll share a pic; how about a dozen?: [http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/bellabrigido/album?.dir=/abb3&.src=ph&.tok=phS8cWDBILd8gV.u](http://pg.photos.yahoo.com/ph/bellabrigido/album?.dir=/abb3&.src=ph&.tok=phS8cWDBILd8gV.u) Yes, we have had a really solid relationship. I would dearly love to marry him and we actually went to the clerk’s office to get a license, but his ID is lacking (he is not a citizen of this country). So we’re working on getting all that in order…slowly but surely. I know I shouldn’t worry myself with these things, but how do I stop? ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/48 "2005-07-24T05:42:07Z")
> [@Portia](#): > > As for the sheets/bed, thanks for the useless hyperbole, it comes in handy when one is attempting make fun of something someone else finds important. I was the first to use the comparison, and actually it wasnt an hyperbole. I would really think “she slept in the same sheets with her former partner” long before I would think “she used the same box of condoms with her former partner”. I actually wouldn’t mind about the sheets, indeed, but it’s just to show you how impersonnal I think boxes of condoms are. Sheets have been in contact with both bodies, for instance. The bedroom has been a “witness” of their lovemaking. That could cross my mind. But a box of condoms is for me, as another poster stated, essentially the same as a box a band-aids. And finnally, I would be reassured by the fact that a potential partner would have condoms, since at it shows that said partner feel concerned about safe sex. I’d frankly prefer my potential partner to be the proud owner of a box. I’m not sure by the way why you’re assuming that the men would shrug and the women wouldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/49 "2005-07-24T06:02:02Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > I was the first to use the comparison, and actually it wasnt an hyperbole. I would really think “she slept in the same sheets with her former partner” long before I would think “she used the same box of condoms with her former partner”. I actually wouldn’t mind about the sheets, indeed, but it’s just to show you how impersonnal I think boxes of condoms are. Sheets have been in contact with both bodies, for instance. The bedroom has been a “witness” of their lovemaking. That could cross my mind. But a box of condoms is for me, as another poster stated, essentially the same as a box a band-aids. Jumping Jesus…there are women out there who would _make_ the man get a new flat, bed, bed linens and condoms otherwise they cant do the horizontal bop because “SHE” had slept with him in this flat, on this mattress and in this bedding with those condoms? Some women need to really get a life if htey expect everything to be so freaking _virgin_ in a relationship. Hell, I have slept with a guy who just had his ex-fiance move out hours before and all I did was help him change the sheets to fresh ones first [and it was the same box of condoms he had previously used with his ex…] And before you get all prissy, he was an aquaintance, I worked with his ex, and prior to doing the bop hadn’t thought of him _in that way_ previously though he was more or less my type. I was not the cause of her leaving him, he caught her doing the bop in _their_ bed with his best friend. ---
**Author:** ![Nunavut\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e95f7d/32.png) [@Nunavut\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunavut_Boy)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 6:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/50 "2005-07-24T06:50:45Z")
All I can say is that if a girl I brought home demanded that I get a box of condoms just for her, I’d mostly likely give her some money for a cab and tell her it’s not going to work out. Bye! ---
**Author:** ![iamthewalrus\_3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/258eb7/32.png) [@iamthewalrus\_3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iamthewalrus_3)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/51 "2005-07-24T07:28:00Z")
> [@Nunavut Boy](#): > > All I can say is that if a girl I brought home demanded that I get a box of condoms just for her, I’d mostly likely give her some money for a cab and tell her it’s not going to work out. Bye! Yeah! I’d probably bring home a new box of condoms first, though. ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/52 "2005-07-24T12:56:07Z")
Female checking in with “condoms are just objects.” No, I wouldn’t want a new box, unless the existing box happened to be a type I really didn’t like. Of course chances are I’d have come prepared with my own condom (unexpired, brand I liked) if I thought we were going to be getting it on, as I take safe sex pretty seriously. As to how one can dismiss fears that a partner is cheating, I dunno, but it sounds to me like a good time to work on believing that you are good enough and loveable enough that this person who you obviously love will love and value you enough not to do something that hurtful. And, not a bad time to be communicating openly. Last year Mr. Wild and I were going through a rough patch and the best thing that happened was when we both admitted we were afraid that we were screwing up our marriage totally, and sat down and reaffirmed that in spite of the rough patch, that wasn’t what we wanted, and it wasn’t an inevitable, fatal slide in that direction. Sometimes it can feel like irrational thought or argument patterns are dooming you, and I know it felt good that we took a stand together to deal with those, acknowledged that things were rough, and somehow made it us vs. the irrationality, rather than me vs. him. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/53 "2005-07-24T13:38:21Z")
> [@Portia](#): > > Yes, I expected the overall male opinion to be ‘_shrug_ No big deal’, but I’d be interested to hear what your SO’s think, gentlemen. > > And to the poster who said he’d use the same box whether it was a week or a year (I’m paraphrasing), if it had only been a week since you were having sex w/ someone else, and I _knew_ it…the box of condoms would never enter the equation. I’d figure you were still emotionally attached to that person and not ready to date, etc. Feel free to consider me a ginormous prude. I’m a woman, and not only do I consider condoms to be a regular - but important - health product, I’ve also never bought a new box of condoms for any reason other than running out, wanting to try a new kind, or expiration date. Back in college, condoms were important and pricey, and I eagerly scoured the student newspaper for those “$1 off a box of condoms” coupons for the local pharmacy. As long as they aren’t expired, it’s all good. Regarding the OP, if it were my husband, I’d just figure he was cleaning out something and found an old one. I know for a fact he’s still got condoms in his dresser drawer, and we haven’t used them in well over a year. I wouldn’t be bothered in the slightest. ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/54 "2005-07-24T14:36:07Z")
> [@](#): > > Say you find a condom on the counter where your SO has emptied his pockets. You know that together, you’ve not used a condom in a good year. What is your initial reaction? I’d be relieved that he’s using condoms. I’d probably sleep better that night knowing that if - in a moment of weekness - something were to happen between my partner and somebody else who wasn’t me, there would be a condom between them. I still have a few in the bathroom vanity from a year or two ago - I have no problem letting them stay there to make sure that condom unavailability is never an excuse to have unprotected extra-marital sex. Aside from that, my reactions would be similar to **AHunter3’s**. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/55 "2005-07-24T15:04:13Z")
Back to the OP, Yeah, I’d be relieved he was using condoms. (Judging by how much time he spends with me, I’d be genuinely puzzled as to where the hell he was finding time to squeeze in an affair! 😕) I’d ask him about it calmly, and kind of teasingly, and go by his reaction. ---
**Author:** ![Motorgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e36b37/32.png) [@Motorgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Motorgirl)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/56 "2005-07-24T15:45:51Z")
> [@Portia](#): > > Yes, I expected the overall male opinion to be ‘_shrug_ No big deal’, but I’d be interested to hear what your SO’s think, gentlemen. > > And to the poster who said he’d use the same box whether it was a week or a year (I’m paraphrasing), if it had only been a week since you were having sex w/ someone else, and I _knew_ it…the box of condoms would never enter the equation. I’d figure you were still emotionally attached to that person and not ready to date, etc. Feel free to consider me a ginormous prude. > > And aspirin doesn’t have the same connotation condoms have. They don’t say, “I intend to share an intimate moment w/ someone important”. (Unless you’re doing something w/ aspirin of which I am entirely unaware, and then kudos to you for originality my friend!) Well, as a girl, I’d have to say that I wouldn’t think twice about why the guy has an open box of condoms. Count me in the ‘_shrug_ No big deal’ contingent. When I was single I always stocked condoms in the bedside table. If I’d had to start a new box everytime someone new came along, I’d have been very annoyed. I considered them on a par with the other things it’s unthinkable to run out of: toilet paper, ibuprofen, coffee, etc. On the other hand, I always had a different attitude towards casual sex than many women. Thankfully I’m married now & don’t use condoms anymore. Never particularly liked the things. ---
**Author:** ![Stillwell\_Angel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/96bed5/32.png) [@Stillwell\_Angel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stillwell_Angel)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/57 "2005-07-24T16:57:30Z")
> [@Hakuna Matata](#): > > I am curious though–where do YOU draw the line? New bed? New sheets on the bed? The first woman my ex husband got involved with after we divorced refused to sleep in his bed because it was _“her’s”_ (her meaning me). He did keep the bed but bought brand new mattress, box springs and sheets to satisfy her. He said she refused to put her clothes in the dresser too, because mine had once been in there. :rolleyes: They only lasted about 6 months. ---
**Author:** ![available\_light](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@available\_light](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/available_light)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/58 "2005-07-24T17:54:59Z")
For what it’s worth, I’m female. On the “new box of condoms” debate, I’d say that I would prefer my partner to have a new box of condoms. I’m married now, so this doesn’t apply, but back before I was married, I wasn’t into casual sex, and I was only interested in sex as part of a serious, committed, monogamous relationship. So, if I was going to sleep with someone, it would only be after dating/getting to know someone for a few months, and hopefully it would have been a few months before that that my potential partner was sleeping with anyone else (those unresolved emotional attachment issues that someone else talked about.) So any condoms from a previous relationship would have to be several months old, and probably needing to be replaced anyway. (I’m assuming condoms have around a 6 month shelf life.) Even apart from that, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask for a new box of condoms for a new (serious, committed) relationship. No, I would never ask for new sheets (though I would hope they had at least been washed!) or a new bed, etc. But I agree that condoms are more emotionally charged than aspirin or band aids. If someone kept a fresh box of condoms around at all times, or had one on hand from a recent sexual encounter, then we probably aren’t on the same page with regard to what we’re looking for anyway. But that’s just me, and I totally understand that others’ mmv. I agree that it would be silly to insist on a new box of condoms in a casual hook-up scenario. As to the op, I think that trust and communication are key. I totally trust my husband, so I’d just ask him in a low-key way why he had a condom in his pocket. My husband, luckily for me, is a terrible liar (he’d never be able to arrange a surprise party for me) and I can usually tell when he’s not being forthcoming. But I would assume, until I’d been given a reason otherwise, that there’s an innocent explanation. I think a good dose of “benefit of the doubt” is crucial in a committed relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Idlewild](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8491ac/32.png) [@Idlewild](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idlewild)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/59 "2005-07-24T18:31:08Z")
> [@available light](#): > > So any condoms from a previous relationship would have to be several months old, and probably needing to be replaced anyway. (I’m assuming condoms have around a 6 month shelf life.) Your assumption seems to be incorrect (cite: [http://www.enoma.org/r/1/52.htm](http://www.enoma.org/r/1/52.htm) but that’s just an example of several links stating 2 years for spermicidally lubricated, 5 years for non-spermicidally lubricated), and I’m interested if that would change your answer at all. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2005, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774/60 "2005-07-24T18:43:00Z")
> [@Gorsnak](#): > > The described situation is a wife finding a years-old box of condoms under the seat of her husband’s truck. There isn’t enough information to call it “years-old”, just that it some time greater than one year. You are making assumptions to suit your opinion. > [@](#): > > (1) kept an old box of condoms after they moved on to alternative forms of birth control, Or were purchased with someone else in mind > [@](#): > > (2) stored it away unbeknownst to her for years There you are with the ‘years’ again. He could have moved them from his older car to the one he just purchased without any ‘years of storage.’ > [@](#): > > (3) remembered that it existed when, years later, he decided to go after some on the side Years again. You really like that assumption, eh? He could also have been using them off and on since the day he put them in his newer car. > [@](#): > > (4) figured that those expired condoms he had squirreled away in his wife-proof hiding place would be the appropriate means of protection Better than bare-back. Look, I’m not accusing the guy of cheating, but I am pointing out that the expired explanation is not an alibi in itself. Nothing I’m saying here takes a greater leap of logic than thinking the dealership cleaned the carpets without finding something that size under the seat. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/say-you-find-a-condom/313774.md?page=4)