# Scared to reveal your alien love affair? **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [June 20, 2013, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457 "2013-06-20T12:55:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2013, 12:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/1 "2013-06-20T12:55:57Z")
YOU ARE NOT ALONE. UK Labour town councilman and driving instructor Simon Parkes wants you to know that this is a common occurence, and you don’t have anything to be ashamed of. He himself gets beamed up to a spacecraft 4 times a year to have sex with the Cat Queen, and to spend time with their son, Zarka. [More details here](http://news.ninemsn.com.au/world/2013/06/19/19/56/english-politician-reveals-alien-love-affair). ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2013, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/2 "2013-06-20T14:13:17Z")
Dammit, he knows we’re not supposed to talk about it! ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2013, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/3 "2013-06-20T14:17:24Z")
I sleep with an alien every night. She’s a permanent resident alien, but still. ---
**Author:** ![Folly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folly/32/3219_2.png) [@Folly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folly)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2013, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/4 "2013-06-20T14:25:16Z")
Wow, yeah… So has anybody done a house cat welfare check? ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2013, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/5 "2013-06-20T15:22:39Z")
that slime is the best lube ever. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2013, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/6 "2013-06-20T17:27:39Z")
If my alien lover looked like Jeff Goldblum, I’d be showing him off everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2013, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/7 "2013-06-20T17:29:00Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > If my alien lover looked like Jeff Goldblum, I’d be showing him off everywhere. Nature truly [finds a way](http://mehspace.files.wordpress.com/2011/12/2010jan13_6691.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Tully\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7ab992/32.png) [@Tully\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tully_Mars)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2013, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/8 "2013-06-20T17:34:22Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > If my alien lover looked like Jeff Goldblum, I’d be showing him off everywhere. Your lover is an alien (or former alien) and if I squint real hard, I can imagine him looking a little like Jeff Goldblum. ---
**Author:** ![Sr\_Siete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6de8d8/32.png) [@Sr\_Siete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sr_Siete)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2013, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/9 "2013-06-20T17:38:27Z")
¿Does being forcefully probed count? ---
**Author:** ![blindboyard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blindboyard/32/2833_2.png) [@blindboyard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blindboyard)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2013, 6:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/10 "2013-06-20T18:05:39Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > that slime is the best lube ever. Not as good as ectoplasm. But that’s for another thread. ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/11 "2013-06-21T18:18:31Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > … 4 times a year to have sex with the Cat Queen … That cheating _bitch_! :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/12 "2013-06-21T19:38:07Z")
> [@BlackKnight](#): > > That cheating _bitch_! :mad: Wow. You just called the Cat Queen a dog. MIB are now working overtime to prevent this interstellar incident from costing a planet its existance. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/13 "2013-06-21T19:50:28Z")
Now it can be told! Back in the days before I met Madame Pepperwinkle, Superman fixed me up a hot babe from Beta Origammi 4. Some days that rash still itches. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/14 "2013-06-22T05:16:16Z")
But what of the children? Won’t somebody think of the children? ---
**Author:** ![Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Uosdwis\_R.Dewoh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uosdwis_R.Dewoh)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/15 "2013-06-22T20:44:56Z")
> [@BlackKnight](#): > > That cheating _bitch_! :mad: Everybody’s scratched that post all right. ---
**Author:** ![Barking\_Dog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Barking\_Dog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barking_Dog)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2013, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/16 "2013-06-23T00:44:31Z")
What happens behind closed bulkhead doors between two consenting sentient beings and probulating machine is no one’s business but mine–I mean, theirs! Oh, damn… ---
**Author:** ![deltasigma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e5b9ba/32.png) [@deltasigma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/deltasigma)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2013, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/17 "2013-06-23T01:04:11Z")
> [@Folly](#): > > Wow, yeah… So has anybody done a house cat welfare check? I just spent the past 5 centons trying to decide if I should be more concerned with cats on welfare or alien sex - the latter mainly because I’m not getting any. They tell me they’re going out for beer or cigarettes - sometimes, get this, “pizza.” Can you imagine eating that slime? But I always believe them and I’m left here thinking ‘if the access port for the charmonium injector were just a little closer to the 5 other ports, I might be able to rub one out and relax.’ ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2013, 8:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/18 "2013-06-23T08:39:32Z")
> [@BlackKnight](#): > > That cheating _bitch_! :mad: Relax. _Rishathra_ doesn’t count. ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2013, 9:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/19 "2013-06-23T09:53:34Z")
I know they say it doesn’t matter, but I still feel a little weird about my Arcturian being male. ---
**Author:** ![Antigen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/848f3c/32.png) [@Antigen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antigen)\ **Post date:** [June 23, 2013, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457/20 "2013-06-23T14:46:22Z")
> [@Munch](#): > > He himself gets beamed up to a spacecraft 4 times a year to have sex with the Cat Queen, and to spend time with their son, Zarka. I’ve been watching enough Doctor Who lately that this sort of thing seems faintly plausible. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scared-to-reveal-your-alien-love-affair/661457.md?page=2)