# Scenes we'd like to see **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 19, 2014, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510 "2014-04-19T22:08:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2014, 10:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/1 "2014-04-19T22:08:25Z")
At the conclusion of your typical British murder mystery, the Detective finally reveals which of the people gathered in the room is the murderer, presenting his case beyond any possible doubt. A bobby who has been summoned says “Come along now”- … -whereupon the murderer pulls a loaded gun, shoots the bobby, the detective, anyone else present he wants to get back at, and flees the scene. When last heard of he made it the Continent and his current whereabouts are unknown. ---
**Author:** ![Flywheel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb8c5e/32.png) [@Flywheel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flywheel)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2014, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/2 "2014-04-19T22:19:55Z")
While chatting with a group of friends at a cocktail party, a man begins telling an off-color, embarrassingly personal story. “May I speak with you for just one moment?” snaps his wife as she grabs him by one ear and begins pulling him away from the group. “Ow! What the hell?!” he responds as he jerks his head to one side and easily frees his ear from her grip. “Now, as I was saying…” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2014, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/3 "2014-04-19T22:29:05Z")
And now, Mr Bond, I will kill you. By my own gun. Immediately. ::BANG!:: ---
**Author:** ![MaxTheVool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9fc29f/32.png) [@MaxTheVool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaxTheVool)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2014, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/4 "2014-04-19T22:51:08Z")
-I’m sorry sir, I can’t let you in without credentials -Don’t you know who I am!!! I will tell General Smith about this and then you will be sorry!!! -Actually General Smith will appreciate the fact that I followed the regulations. I can’t let you in without credentials (repeat ad infinitum) ---
**Author:** ![Octarine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/22d042/32.png) [@Octarine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Octarine)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/5 "2014-04-20T03:43:53Z")
1. The detective arrives at the scene of a crime and cleverly collects a few clues: a cigarette butt, a strand of long blonde hair, and a faint small footprint. Although The Incompetent Police assume the dead man killed himself, said Clever Detective suspects the deceased’s blonde, small-footed, smoker wife. He aggressively interviews her, causing her to suffer a nervous breakdown. It’s discovered that the clues were coincidences, and it really was a suicide like literally everyone else said. Clever Detective is sued and loses his job. End of show. 2. Plucky Young Male Lead falls madly in love with Beautiful Woman. He pursues her in a series of increasingly desperate comical ways. She calls the police and he is put on a restraining order. End of show. 3. The police arrive at the scene of a crime and collect forensic evidence. They rush back to The Lab, and are told in blunt terms that, frankly, any results will be inconclusive and will take several weeks to get back. End of show. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 5:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/6 "2014-04-20T05:33:31Z")
German soldier steps forward: “You don’t need Indiana Jones to solve this. It’s just a slicing blade trap. It cuts people’s heads off. So…I’ll crawl on the floor.” Later, “Gosh, look, a breakaway floor trap. I’ll just probe ahead of me with a bayonet.” Later, “Wow, a gulley. Deep, too. Lucky for me I learned how to climb up and down rocks using rope and pitons. Why, gosh, look at the trompe l’oeil bridge! That’s so clever! I guess I didn’t need to do all that climbing. Don’t I feel foolish!” Later, “Those sure are a whole bunch of gold cups. I have no idea which one is the Holy Grail. That’s not an engineering problem!” ---
**Author:** ![furryman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/furryman/32/99_2.png) [@furryman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furryman)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 7:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/7 "2014-04-20T07:58:24Z")
> [@Octarine](#): > > 1. The detective arrives at the scene of a crime and cleverly collects a few clues: a cigarette butt, a strand of long blonde hair, and a faint small footprint. Although The Incompetent Police assume the dead man killed himself, said Clever Detective suspects the deceased’s blonde, small-footed, smoker wife. He aggressively interviews her, causing her to suffer a nervous breakdown. It’s discovered that the clues were coincidences, and it really was a suicide like literally everyone else said. Clever Detective is sued and loses his job. End of show. Reminds me of a Sherlock Holmes parody which appeared in the early Mad comic book. Hero shoots zombie/ super villain nothing happens, then shoots at eyes. Hero cuts immortal villain into pieces using sword. In catastrophic movies instead of everybody running around like a loon have at least one guy sigh, sit down and fold his arms. Have at least one person in a horror movie who’s actually seen a horror movie. Oh look there’s at least a minute left on the countdown timer after the bomb’s been defused. When one of the characters say somethings going to happen in X amount of time actually have that amount of time pass. World’s shortest movie: “Something bad is going to happen if you do that.” “Alright, fine. I won’t do it.” THE END 😃 ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 8:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/8 "2014-04-20T08:33:21Z")
I always wanted to see Joe DiMaggio, inthis Mr. Coffee commercial: to demonstrate that this miraculous contraption delivers grounds-free coffee every time, he swigs the dregs from a coffee cup, then shows us the bottom of the cup, virtually pristine and certainly coffee grounds-free. Then he gives the camera his toothiest grin, filled with coffee grounds. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Q](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/898d66/32.png) [@Johnny\_Q](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Q)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 9:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/9 "2014-04-20T09:02:55Z")
“You handle this one, Holmes,” said Lestrade. “The Police will just muck the whole thing up.” ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/10 "2014-04-20T13:50:46Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > Reminds me of a Sherlock Holmes parody which appeared in the early Mad comic book. > > Hero shoots zombie/ super villain nothing happens, then shoots at eyes. > > Hero cuts immortal villain into pieces using sword. > > In catastrophic movies instead of everybody running around like a loon have at least one guy sigh, sit down and fold his arms. > > Have at least one person in a horror movie who’s actually seen a horror movie. > > Oh look there’s at least a minute left on the countdown timer after the bomb’s been defused. > > \*\*When one of the characters say somethings going to happen in X amount of time actually have that amount of time pass. > \*\* > > World’s shortest movie: > “Something bad is going to happen if you do that.” > “Alright, fine. I won’t do it.” > THE END 😃 Countdown to self destruct in **ALIENS** ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/11 "2014-04-20T14:08:33Z")
> [@furryman](#): > > Have at least one person in a horror movie who’s actually seen a horror movie. This sort of meta cuteness is already a tired cliche. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 2:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/12 "2014-04-20T14:39:01Z")
_SPOILERS_ _SPOILERS_ _SPOILERS_ > [@AncientHumanoid](#): > > Countdown to self destruct in **ALIENS** At the end of _The Andromeda Strain_ (the movie): 2 seconds when nuclear detonation averted. At the end of “The Andromeda Strain” (the novel): “How close was it?” Other scientist waves hand: You had, like, 75 seconds left. No big deal. I always admired Crichton for that. ---
**Author:** ![nevadaexile](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb8c5e/32.png) [@nevadaexile](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nevadaexile)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/13 "2014-04-20T14:54:19Z")
Let’s see: [ol] [li]Due to a faulty timer or a malevolent opponent, someone defusing a bomb actually has far less time to disarm it than the counter shows.[/li][li]An almost omniscient detective gets all of the major details of the case wrong thus allowing the killer[/li][li]A person suffering a crisis of faith remains in that state at the end of a program.[/li][li]Smart-alecky kid in a comedy gets grounded when they push their parents just a little too far.[/li][li]A hooker with a heart of gold reminds her client(s) that she is still in the business of earning money for sex and that while she will help them, they’ll still have to pay for it.[/li][/ol] ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/14 "2014-04-20T15:44:15Z")
Ventronic, the Voltron like robot, appears in a single episode of _The Venture Bros_. I have long wanted to see a single, 5-7 second scene. Rusty calls Jonas Jr asking for help. Jonas tells him that he’s a little busy at the moment. While he’s saying that, you see that he’s in Ventronic and fighting Godzilla. Rusty hangs up and complains about his useless brother. This is never mentioned again. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/15 "2014-04-20T16:57:51Z")
EXT. BENCH - AFTERNOON The legend, “Two Years Later” appears. A man flips open a worn file folder on his lap. Handwritten notes fill every line. The man’s hands flip the page. At the top of this new page reads, “Cole Sear, age 8, Referred September 1998.” He glances through the page. Words and phrases are circled throughout the file: \*"…Acute anxiety" “…Socially isolated” “…Possible mood disorder” “…Parent status – Divorced” “…Communication difficulty between mother-child dyad…” “…Hey wait a minute, this makes no sense. I must’ve died shortly after I got shot. Guess I’ll just stand up and walk to that Bright Light Thingy over there…”\* END CREDITS ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/16 "2014-04-20T17:08:09Z")
_Henry Higgins walks into his library and sits down. Eliza appears in the doorway._ “Eliza, where the devil are my slippers?” _Eliza walks up behind him, grasps either side of his head, and snaps his neck._ That’s the way it SHOULD have ended. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 6:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/17 "2014-04-20T18:00:22Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > _Henry Higgins walks into his library and sits down. Eliza appears in the doorway._ > > “Eliza, where the devil are my slippers?” > > _Eliza walks up behind him, grasps either side of his head, and snaps his neck._ > > That’s the way it SHOULD have ended. Oh, hell, yes!!! +many on this. ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/18 "2014-04-20T22:12:36Z")
Actually, she should have married Higgins, then snapped his neck(to get all his stuff you know), then married Freddie, so they could live together in comfort. If Eliza was sneaky enough about Higgin’s death, she could even still be friends with his mother. Just to be on the safe side about the inheritance. ---
**Author:** ![DeptfordX](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@DeptfordX](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeptfordX)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/19 "2014-04-20T22:49:23Z")
I went through a period of reading a load of Agatha Christie novels. Fun enough, what generally annoyed me was after the detectives denoument was the culprits “Damn you Poirot! etc”. I’d say in at least half the stories a stout denial and a competent defense lawyer would have gotten them away scott free. Also, beautifully parodied here. [That Mitchell and Webb Look - Poirot - YouTube](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i9iQ1yU5Ops) ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2014, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510/20 "2014-04-20T23:42:35Z")
> [@nevadaexile](#): > > . . . Due to a faulty timer or a malevolent opponent, someone defusing a bomb actually has far less time to disarm it than the counter shows. . . . There was something like this in “The Shadow.” The hero cuts a wire in the bomb…and the timer suddenly starts running very, very fast. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scenes-wed-like-to-see/686510.md?page=2)