# Scientifically inaccurate songs
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882
**Category:** Cafe Society
**Created:** [October 12, 2005, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882 "2005-10-12T12:54:04Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 7
### Author:  [@Bob\_Scene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Scene)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/121 "2005-10-14T09:44:13Z")
> [@](#):
>
> He was turned to steel
> In the great magnetic field
> When he traveled time
> For the future of mankind
:rolleyes:
---
### Author:  [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/122 "2005-10-14T11:12:39Z")
> [@Bob Scene](#):
>
> :rolleyes:
Dumm. Dumm. Dumm Dumm Dumm. Dumm-dumm-dumm-dumm-dumm-dumm. Dumm Dumm Dumm.
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### Author:  [@Small\_Clanger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Clanger)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/123 "2005-10-14T12:06:20Z")
Set the Controls for the Heart of the Sun
Why? Any space-craft or probe would be evaporated before it reached the surface. This should be _Set the controls to orbit at a safe distance from the sun or maybe a Lagrange point_.
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### Author:  [@yoyodyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yoyodyne)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/124 "2005-10-14T13:38:11Z")
There have been no documented cases of purple rain, and doves don’t have tear ducts.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/125 "2005-10-14T13:50:46Z")
> [@](#):
>
> There have been no documented cases of **purple rain** , and doves don’t have tear ducts.
Are you criticizing Prince or America?
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### Author:  [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/126 "2005-10-14T14:08:54Z")
_She drove a Plymouth Satellite
Faster than the speed of light_
**"Planet Claire" - The B52’s**
(That is one souped-up hot rod.)
_Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball_
**"Champagne Supernova" - Oasis**
(You do the math on that one.)
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/127 "2005-10-14T14:11:44Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Slowly walking down the hall
> Faster than a cannonball
>
> “Champagne Supernova” - Oasis
>
> (You do the math on that one.)
Well, it depends on what the cannonbakl’s _doing_, doesn’t it? I can walk slowly than a cannonball at rest. Or even one slowly and ponderously rolling…
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### Author:  [@Spoke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spoke)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/128 "2005-10-14T14:16:04Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> Well, it depends on what the cannonbakl’s _doing_, doesn’t it? I can walk slowly than a cannonball at rest. Or even one slowly and ponderously rolling…
True.
And I suppose that when you get right down to it, cannonballs can’t walk at all. So even walking slowly I can walk faster than any cannonball.
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### Author:  [@yoyodyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yoyodyne)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/129 "2005-10-14T14:41:46Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> Are you criticizing Prince or America?
Both. I hate America.
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/130 "2005-10-14T14:57:23Z")
**yoyodyne** , Why do you Hate America?
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### Author:  [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/131 "2005-10-14T15:13:43Z")
> [@astorian](#):
>
> Uh… folks, we might want to allow for literary devices like metaphor and hyperbole.
“metaphor”? “hyperbole”?
Buddy, if you want creditability, you have got to stop making up words. 😉
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### Author:  [@yoyodyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yoyodyne)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/132 "2005-10-14T15:57:00Z")
> [@CalMeacham](#):
>
> **yoyodyne** , Why do you Hate America?
_Lonely People_? _You Can Do Magic_? How could anyone not hate America?
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### Author:  [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/133 "2005-10-14T16:58:49Z")
Whoosh!
Or else I was whooshed. Either way.
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### Author:  [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/134 "2005-10-14T17:08:30Z")
Neither the Rockin’ Pneumonia nor the Boogie Woogie Blues is generally accepted in the medical community as an actual malady.
There is no evidence that Eskimos have a significantly different body temperature than do residents of more southerly climes, therefore Eskimo pussy is NOT mighty cold.
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### Author:  [@panamajack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panamajack)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/135 "2005-10-14T17:31:40Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#):
>
> There is no evidence that Eskimos have a significantly different body temperature than do residents of more southerly climes, therefore Eskimo pussy is NOT mighty cold.
I don’t know, it was just something I was told. I guess they were wrong.
Also, if the jukebox blows a fuse, then it doesn’t matter if she has a dime, the music _will_ stop.
A geographic problem : Beethoven is buried in Vienna; Tchaivkovsky is buried in St. Petersburg, so he’d have to roll quite a ways to deliver the news. Furthermore, Beethoven is dead, so he couldn’t do it anyway.
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### Author:  [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/136 "2005-10-14T17:47:35Z")
> [@The Dead Boys in Sonic Reducer](#):
>
> I got my time machine…
Time travel is impossible, or at least nobody knows how to do it yet. You can’t just go and claim to have a time machine without proof.
> [@The Smiths in Hand in Glove](#):
>
> The sun shines out of our behinds
I’m sorry Mr. Morrissey, but you are mistaken in that regard.
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### Author:  [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/137 "2005-10-14T18:30:52Z")
How about this line from **Substitute** :
```
*"The north side of my town faced east and the east was facing south"*
```
…a word to the wise: don’t ask Pete for directions!
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### Author:  [@marque\_elf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marque_elf)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/138 "2005-10-14T18:41:40Z")
Since we’re slagging Pete, I’ve always had my doubts about whether someone who who was deaf, dumb and blind could play pinball by sense of smell. I don’t think any odors created by the balls passage over the table and off the bumpers would arrive at the nasal receptors in a timely enough fashion to provide useful information. Perhaps, if there were a fan behind the table, but Townsend doesn’t indicate one is there in the song. I’d like to see a cite on this.
I might buy telekenesis but I’d still like a cite.
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### Author:  [@YaWanna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YaWanna)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/139 "2005-10-14T19:48:37Z")
Let’s see, I think I’ll start with Bob Dylan from **My Back Pages** : “Ah, but I was so much older then, I’m younger than that now…”
Nope, it’s not possible to reverse the aging process, or go back in time.
The Rolling Stones’ **She’s a Rainbow** says “she’s like a rainbow, _coming colors in the air_”
Sounds like one heck of an orgasm, but not feasible.
There’s that Blondie song **Heart of Glass** -
really bad idea. I don’t think medical science will waste any time on that one.
Jimmy Buffett, Og love him, sings about a **Beach House on the Moon**.
Jimmy, you need to get your money back. There’s no beach on the moon. Sorry.
Finally, Lyle Lovett seems to believe that **Penguins** are so sensitive to his needs.
Not unless your needs are limited to things like eating raw herring and avoiding polar bears.
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### Author:  [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)
#### Post date: [October 14, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scientifically-inaccurate-songs/325882/140 "2005-10-14T20:39:37Z")
> [@](#):
>
> Slowly walking down the hall
> Faster than a cannonball
>
> “Champagne Supernova” - Oasis
>
> (You do the math on that one.)
The resolution to this one is implied by your previous nitpick. If the narrator is walking down the hall at, say, twice the speed of a cannonball, his motion would be well and safely into the non-relativistic limit, and it’s therefore fair to say that he’s walking “slowly”.
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