# Scotsman having sex with bicycle... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 16, 2007, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684 "2007-11-16T14:26:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Galwegian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galwegian/32/3426_2.png) [@Galwegian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Galwegian)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/1 "2007-11-16T14:26:21Z")
From here: [BBC website](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/scotland/glasgow_and_west/7095134.stm) This gentleman was sentenced to three years probation for having simulated sex with his bike. Fair enough you might think. But the report says that this was in his own bedroom! He was found by cleaners when they used the master key to open the door for cleaning. So, whatever about the morality of sexual relations with bicycles, how could he be guilty of a > [@](#): > > sexually aggravated breach of the peace by conducting himself in a disorderly manner and simulating sex while in private and alone in his own room? The door was obviously locked as the cleaners needed to use their key to get in. I wonder if he was related to Flann O’Brien? ---
**Author:** ![guizot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guizot/32/3636_2.png) [@guizot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/guizot)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/2 "2007-11-16T14:35:22Z")
It’s because he was “simulating” sex. If he had actually been having sex with the bicycle, there would have been no crime. He should have known better. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/3 "2007-11-16T14:38:19Z")
I don’t get it either. I mean, yes, he was in a hotel room, but let’s just say the same thing happened and they walked in while he was having sex with a woman or a man. Would he still be in trouble? Is it just because it’s such a non-sexual item? (Speaking of which, could someone PLEASE tell me how you have sex with a bicycle if you’re male?) ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/4 "2007-11-16T14:43:52Z")
I think he just wanted to try that “bisexuality” he was hearing about. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/5 "2007-11-16T14:46:57Z")
[QUOTE=Thudlow Boink] I think he just wanted to try that “bisexuality” he was hearing about. [/QUOTE] But trisexuality with a tricycle is three times as much fun! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/6 "2007-11-16T14:48:15Z")
Bikesexuality. ---
**Author:** ![Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tastes_of_chocolate/32/3232_2.png) [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tastes_of_Chocolate)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/7 "2007-11-16T14:49:25Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] (Speaking of which, could someone PLEASE tell me how you have sex with a bicycle if you’re male?) [/QUOTE] By being on the receiving end. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/8 "2007-11-16T14:51:05Z")
“And now for something completely different… a Scotsman on a bicycle.” ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/9 "2007-11-16T14:52:32Z")
[QUOTE=Tastes of Chocolate] By being on the receiving end. [/QUOTE] :smack: D’oh! I should have known I was setting myself up for that. But…_really?_ Let me ask the question that’s on everybody’s mind. WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH A DILDO??? ---
**Author:** ![El\_Kabong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/el_kabong/32/496_2.png) [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/10 "2007-11-16T14:54:32Z")
[Quote=Galwegian] So, whatever about the morality of sexual relations with bicycles, [/Quote] Hey, wait, I think we need to consider this point. Did the bicycle give its consent? As for the ‘simulating’ part, I’ve never seen two bicycles having sex, so I wouldn’t have a clue how to simulate that. Maybe some of you more worldly types could help me out there. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 2:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/11 "2007-11-16T14:55:05Z")
No bolts about it. The lad is f\*cking nuts. ---
**Author:** ![OneCentStamp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/13edae/32.png) [@OneCentStamp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneCentStamp)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/12 "2007-11-16T15:10:23Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] (Speaking of which, could someone PLEASE tell me how you have sex with a bicycle if you’re male?) [/QUOTE] 1. remove the seat 2. go for a ride 3. profit! ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/13 "2007-11-16T15:20:51Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] :smack: D’oh! I should have known I was setting myself up for that. But…_really?_ Let me ask the question that’s on everybody’s mind. WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH A DILDO??? [/QUOTE] The bicycle has ten speeds. ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/14 "2007-11-16T15:22:52Z")
[QUOTE=Tastes of Chocolate] By being on the receiving end. [/QUOTE] :eek: Good lord, I’m naive. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/15 "2007-11-16T15:25:09Z")
No true Scotsman would do such a thing. ---
**Author:** ![Galwegian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galwegian/32/3426_2.png) [@Galwegian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Galwegian)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/16 "2007-11-16T15:26:51Z")
[QUOTE=BobLibDem] No true Scotsman would do such a thing. [/QUOTE] But would a Scottish bicycle do such a thing? ---
**Author:** ![Musicat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/musicat/32/20189_2.png) [@Musicat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Musicat)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/17 "2007-11-16T15:27:09Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] 1. remove the seat 2. go for a ride 3. profit! [/QUOTE] You call that sex? I must be doing it wrong. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/18 "2007-11-16T15:32:40Z")
Poor little bicycle got it’s wheelie popped. ---
**Author:** ![Galwegian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/galwegian/32/3426_2.png) [@Galwegian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Galwegian)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/19 "2007-11-16T15:39:14Z")
[QUOTE=OneCentStamp] 1. remove the seat 2. go for a ride 3. profit! [/QUOTE] Profit? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/20 "2007-11-16T15:39:45Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] (Speaking of which, could someone PLEASE tell me how you have sex with a bicycle if you’re male?) [/QUOTE] “It’s driving me nuts.” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684.md?page=2)