# Scotsman having sex with bicycle... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 16, 2007, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684 "2007-11-16T14:26:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SiouxChief](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d6d6ee/32.png) [@SiouxChief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SiouxChief)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/21 "2007-11-16T15:47:19Z")
From the article: > [@](#): > > Sheriff Colin Miller also placed Stewart on the Sex Offenders Register for three years. That is ridiculous. But then again if he was moving into my neighborhood I’d want to be informed so I can lock up my bike. For those of you who are bike-curious, may I suggest one of these [rugged and outdoorsy](http://www.huffybikes.com/bikes/mountain/1.html) types, in case you want to get your huffy on. ---
**Author:** ![Malacandra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Malacandra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malacandra)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/22 "2007-11-16T16:10:26Z")
So how come the bicycle goes free? Is peddling sex not a crime in Scotland? ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/23 "2007-11-16T16:17:01Z")
Moved from IMHO to MPSIMS. ---
**Author:** ![BoBettie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@BoBettie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BoBettie)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/24 "2007-11-16T21:12:53Z")
[QUOTE=Wile E] The bicycle has ten speeds. [/QUOTE] Mine goes up to 11! ---
**Author:** ![Pithy\_Moniker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8dc957/32.png) [@Pithy\_Moniker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pithy_Moniker)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/25 "2007-11-16T21:27:06Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH A DILDO??? [/QUOTE] You can’t ride a dildo to work. Well maybe you can, but it’s not as fast. ---
**Author:** ![pinkfreud](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pinkfreud/32/17603_2.png) [@pinkfreud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pinkfreud)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/26 "2007-11-16T21:38:42Z")
And the new catchphrase is… **IN LIKE SCHWINN!** ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/27 "2007-11-16T21:45:13Z")
But was it a girl’s bike? Or a boy’s? Or was it a Tandem? That’d be like a threesome. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/28 "2007-11-16T21:53:06Z")
[QUOTE=Johnny L.A.] Bikesexuality. [/QUOTE] Bicyexuality. ---
**Author:** ![Pithy\_Moniker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8dc957/32.png) [@Pithy\_Moniker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pithy_Moniker)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/29 "2007-11-16T21:57:10Z")
Good thing he didn’t ride a motorcycle. Youch! ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/30 "2007-11-16T22:05:07Z")
I prefer the mixed-frame Peugeot, but that ought not surprise anyone. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/31 "2007-11-16T22:13:47Z")
[QUOTE=Pithy Moniker] You can’t ride a dildo to work. Well maybe you can, but it’s not as fast. [/QUOTE] _snort_ ---
**Author:** ![casdave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c6cbf5/32.png) [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/32 "2007-11-16T22:18:18Z")
It amuses me to note that the last sentence says, ‘He now lives in Ayr’ As if living in Ayr is maybe even worse than going to jail or something. ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/33 "2007-11-16T22:30:49Z")
Was he a “top” or a “bottom”? Sounds like a cycle jerk to me. But then, some of these look feasible!: [http://www.terrybicycles.com/saddles/product.html?t=m](http://www.terrybicycles.com/saddles/product.html?t=m) [http://mywebpages.comcast.net/billotto/biking.htm](http://mywebpages.comcast.net/billotto/biking.htm) ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/34 "2007-11-16T22:33:02Z")
Maybe he was sucking it. I mean, there are a lot of ways to have sex with a bicycle, and almost none of them involve insertion. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [November 16, 2007, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/35 "2007-11-16T23:00:15Z")
[QUOTE=Shoshana] Maybe he was sucking it. I mean, there are a lot of ways to have sex with a bicycle, and almost none of them involve insertion. [/QUOTE] If the guy had been having “oral sex” with the bicycle, you know these guys would have mentioned it to the cops. What I want to know is what has this news done for the sale of bicycles in Scotland? I don’t own a bicycle. I do have a saxophone. Once you’ve had sax, you never go back. Tris ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/36 "2007-11-17T02:11:46Z")
Reminds me of the old T-Shirt Hell shirt with a drawing of a girl who seemed to be about six years old, having sex with a flute with the caption, “Music In A Minor”. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/37 "2007-11-17T03:01:06Z")
[QUOTE=Anaamika] (Speaking of which, could someone PLEASE tell me how you have sex with a bicycle if you’re male?) [/QUOTE] _You slip the tire pump in, you pull the tire pump out, you slip the tire pump in, and you shake it all about…_ ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/38 "2007-11-17T03:24:53Z")
[QUOTE=SiouxChief] From the article: That is ridiculous. But then again if he was moving into my neighborhood I’d want to be informed so I can lock up my bike. For those of you who are bike-curious, may I suggest one of these [rugged and outdoorsy](http://www.huffybikes.com/bikes/mountain/1.html) types, in case you want to get your huffy on. [/QUOTE] Friends don’t let friends ride (or have sex with) a Huffy. It’s the bicycle equivalent of the coked out, drunk meth abuser sitting at the end of the bar. Sure that Huffy looks good with your beer goggles on. But the next morning when you wake up sober and see what it looks like in the morning light. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/39 "2007-11-17T03:34:14Z")
Or perhaps he dinna understand how to pronounce Fuji, and thought it was like “fudgy”. ---
**Author:** ![BrknButterfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/439d5e/32.png) [@BrknButterfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrknButterfly)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/40 "2007-11-17T03:52:18Z")
Maybe someone should send him a “Do Not Disturb” sign… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684.md?page=3)