# Scotsman having sex with bicycle... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 16, 2007, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684 "2007-11-16T14:26:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![FourPaws](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e0b2c6/32.png) [@FourPaws](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FourPaws)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/41 "2007-11-17T10:52:47Z")
[QUOTE=BrknButterfly] Maybe someone should send him a “Do Not Disturb” sign… [/QUOTE] How about “Gone for a ride”? ---
**Author:** ![Northern\_Piper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/northern_piper/32/5304_2.png) [@Northern\_Piper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Northern_Piper)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/42 "2007-11-17T14:53:49Z")
[QUOTE=Pithy Moniker] You can’t ride a dildo to work. Well maybe you can, but it’s not as fast. [/QUOTE] Maybe he misunderstood the song [Ride My Monster](http://www.lyricsdir.com/enter-the-haggis-ride-my-monster-lyrics.html) by the band Enter the Haggis… ---
**Author:** ![Rayne\_Man](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/df705f/32.png) [@Rayne\_Man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rayne_Man)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/43 "2007-11-17T16:00:53Z")
Is the picture on the BBC link that of the actual bike? If so, why aren’t they respecting its privacy instead of bandying its image all over the net ? ---
**Author:** ![mack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mack)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/44 "2007-11-17T17:03:52Z")
[QUOTE=pinkfreud] And the new catchphrase is… **IN LIKE SCHWINN!** [/QUOTE] SCHWINNNN-G! That’s a nice-looking bike. I know I’d hit it. I read in a bike forum that when climbing a very steep hill sometimes you need get intimate with the nose of your saddle. I guess this guy took it to heart. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/45 "2007-11-17T18:23:29Z")
Well, I hope he didn’t get two tired. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Paladud](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/82dd89/32.png) [@Paladud](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paladud)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/46 "2007-11-17T18:44:00Z")
No true Scotsman would have sex with a bike. insert something witty about sheep here. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/47 "2007-11-17T20:09:02Z")
[QUOTE=AskNott] Well, I hope he didn’t get two tired. 😉 [/QUOTE] He should make an ap-“peel out” of this travesty; even though it might be an uphill slog, I, personally, hope he coasts to victory. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/48 "2007-11-17T20:22:16Z")
[QUOTE=Shoshana] Maybe he was sucking it. I mean, there are a lot of ways to have sex with a bicycle, and almost none of them involve insertion. [/QUOTE] You don’t say? Name four. That’s the great thing about the Dope. You’ll find an expert on everything here. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/49 "2007-11-17T21:45:57Z")
1. Sucking on some protuberant bit, and/or licking. 2. Rubbing one’s genitals against any portion of the bicycle, the seat being perhaps least uncomfortable. 3. Spanking the bicycle lightly (perhaps while muttering, “Yeah, you like that, don’t you?”). 4. Chaining the bicycle up so tightly it can’t even fall over, then taunting the bicycle (“Who’s your daddy now?”) 5. Wrapping the handlebars in leather thongs, then forcing the bicycle to watch the Tour de France with no relief in sight. 6. Ringing the bell until it can’t ring no more. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/50 "2007-11-17T22:42:09Z")
I’m not a prude or nothing but those all sound a little degenerate to me. Call me “old fashioned” but slashing the back tire and having sex through the wound was good enough for my grandpa, and it’s good enough for me. [QUOTE=Shoshana] 1. Rubbing one’s genitals against any portion of the bicycle, the seat being perhaps least uncomfortable. [/QUOTE] Actually, with those new seats designed to avoid perineal compression you could probably get pretty close to “penetrable”. [How you doing?](http://www.gottaridebikes.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/flitegflg.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/51 "2007-11-17T23:11:38Z")
[QUOTE=CarnalK] Actually, with those new seats designed to avoid perineal compression you could probably get pretty close to “penetrable”. [How you doing?](http://www.gottaridebikes.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/flitegflg.jpg). [/QUOTE] I dunno. You tart that thing up a bit, a scrap of frilly lacey negligee, the right lighting… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![OtakuLoki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ac8455/32.png) [@OtakuLoki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OtakuLoki)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2007, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/52 "2007-11-17T23:40:51Z")
I’m not going to link it - the pictures I’ve seen are NSFW - but I’ve seen at least one bike mod that made the whole dildo _or_ bike question redundant. I’d hate to try riding it on the road, though. ---
**Author:** ![Winston\_Smith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e95f7d/32.png) [@Winston\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Winston_Smith)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2007, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/53 "2007-11-18T00:12:46Z")
I could understand fucking a picnic table, or even a bookshelf. But a bicycle? Well, that’s just _sick_. ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2007, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/54 "2007-11-18T01:07:11Z")
> [@](#): > > those all sound a little degenerate to me. And this is a problem how? > [@](#): > > slashing the back tire and having sex through the wound was good enough for my grandpa, and it’s good enough for me. This is distubingly evocative of Tiptree’s [“The Screwfly Solution.”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Screwfly_Solution) > [@](#): > > I could understand fucking … a bookshelf. Here’s a little [erotica](http://www.amazon.com/Book-Bookshelf-Henry-Petroski/dp/0375706399/ref=sr_1_6?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1195347909&sr=1-6) for you, then. ---
**Author:** ![descamisado](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e480ec/32.png) [@descamisado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/descamisado)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2007, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/55 "2007-11-18T18:27:59Z")
[QUOTE=CarnalK] . . . . Actually, with those new seats designed to avoid perineal compression you could probably get pretty close to “penetrable”. [How you doing?](http://www.gottaridebikes.com/Merchant2/graphics/00000001/flitegflg.jpg). [/QUOTE] In gay parlance, that’s a versatile seat, if I ever saw one. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/56 "2007-11-19T23:19:39Z")
No honey, that’s a “Versace Seat” if you’ve ever seen one. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SpectBrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a87d85/32.png) [@SpectBrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SpectBrain)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2007, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/57 "2007-11-19T23:40:21Z")
[QUOTE=CarnalK] I’m not a prude or nothing but those all sound a little degenerate to me. Call me “old fashioned” but slashing the back tire and having sex through the wound was good enough for my grandpa, and it’s good enough for me. . [/QUOTE] Rimjob? ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/58 "2007-11-20T01:11:12Z")
It does appear that his privacy was violated - if he’d been doing his bike in the town square, that’d be a different case. There may well be a highly specialised market for “enhanced” seats - a “male” seat would penetrate, and a “female” seat would have an opening. A “hermaphrodite” seat would have both. Odds are that these things can be bought now. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Scrivener](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@The\_Scrivener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Scrivener)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/59 "2007-11-20T04:21:34Z")
Are bike perverts “pedalasts”? And do they get chain-gang-raped in prison? ---
**Author:** ![susan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/susan/32/17537_2.png) [@susan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/susan)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2007, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684/60 "2007-11-20T05:47:15Z")
I’m getting all derailed just thinking about it. Some sort of lubricant or pump joke goes here. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotsman-having-sex-with-bicycle/426684.md?page=4)