# Scotticher, I'm sorry **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 12, 2001, 5:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114 "2001-02-12T05:01:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 19\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Le\_Sang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ee7513/32.png) [@Le\_Sang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Le_Sang)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2001, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/41 "2001-02-16T09:11:11Z")
And in my first ever post in the Pit I ask… Why the hell is this still in the Pit? After all - if things here get this soft and stay that way, there’ll be MPSIMS’ers flocking here… and _that_ would just be _awful_, wouldn’t it 😉 ---
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2001, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/42 "2001-02-16T13:22:18Z")
:flock, flock: Hey Kathryn, Joel, Scotti… Where’s the beer? ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2001, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/43 "2001-02-16T14:38:48Z")
I don’t drink beer. I’ll take cider though. Can you feel the love in here? [sub]Alpha’s going to hurt us…isn’t he?[/sub] Yesterday was just an unhappy day. Nothing cool going on, unhappy with my life, etc. Today is better. Today I’m going _off campus_ like I have a real life and everything!!! ---
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2001, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/44 "2001-02-16T15:25:54Z")
:hands Kathryn her hard cider: Joel, did you notice that she said nothing cool was going on yesterday, yet she talked to both of us? Doesn’t that make you feel at least a little bit rejected? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Medea\_s\_Child](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8baadc/32.png) [@Medea\_s\_Child](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Medea_s_Child)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2001, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/45 "2001-02-16T17:04:27Z")
Thanks, dearie. My day considerably improved after about midnight. So I guess it did suck. Its okay though, I have cool stuff planned for tonight. ---
**Author:** ![mrblue92](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/5daacb/32.png) [@mrblue92](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrblue92)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2001, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/46 "2001-02-16T19:26:49Z")
You’re quite welcome, hon. Are we allowed to give back rubs in the Pit? Feel the burn… [sub]I imagine I’ll we’ll both be burning soon for this hijack…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Scotticher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Scotticher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scotticher)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2001, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/47 "2001-02-16T20:09:24Z")
Aw, mrB, I always think the pit could use a little sweetness and light. ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2001, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/48 "2001-02-16T20:49:57Z")
HEY! Stop that gooey, squish, mushy crap here in the Pit! I already have a gut ache from too many Valentine’s Day chocolates! Don’t make me have to hurt someone. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2001, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/49 "2001-02-16T21:20:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by mrblue92 \* > \*\*Joel, did you notice that she said nothing cool was going on yesterday, yet she talked to both of us? Doesn’t that make you feel at least a little bit rejected? 😉 \*\* Not half so rejected, I suspect, as if you were to try to communicate with her (as I did, yesterday), pouring your heart out to her, and not get any response. ☹ I love Kathryn Everett ( **Medea’s Child** ) as much as anyone. I have been reluctant to say that in so blunt a fashion in so open a forum, out of a genuine desire not to embarrass her. Ironically, almost a month ago, someone (unintentionally, I’m certain) said something that embarrassed her, and she came to me for input. Though the person in question is neither a friend nor enemy of mine (actually I think he’s a nice guy), I urged her to convey what she was feeling, because I knew she liked the guy in question, and that their friendship might suffer if he made her uncomfortable and didn’t know it. Although she ended up choosing the course of action I recommended (albeit not because of what I said), it turned out that my suggestions were too strongly worded: they rubbed her the wrong way. In fact, our friendship has never been the same since. I hadn’t posted here in over two weeks, this horrible falling out is why. And I loved this place: except for non access to a computer or being banned, nothing except a situation such as this, involving my closest friend, would EVER have kept me away from here so long. I regret the way my words were taken, I’d not have willingly hurt or alienated her, not for anything. I said what I said, however, in an honest effort to **help** my friend–not to **lose** her. I’ve done what I can to make things right–written numerous letters, apologized countless times, made multiple phone calls. Nothing seems to work, although both she and I know that I acted as I did out of genuine concern for her: I certainly stood nothing to gain by urging her to communicate with her other friend. I had quite a bit of faith that I could eventually set things right. That faith is all but exhausted. I certainly don’t write this to flame Kathryn. She is still the same person I loved, except with respect to one person. And even that person, much as he resents what has happened, cannot bring himself to hate her. I just coudn’t read this without reacting, and I’ve kept this mostly to myself for weeks now. To **inor** and anyone else who reads this and doesn’t know her, she is a wonderful, wonderful person. I have (or had) other friends here. With all due respect to these other fine people, faced with the choice, I’d give up every single one of them for her. To these friends and others well disposed to me, I’d ask you to repay any kindnesses I’ve merited by being good to her. My favorite and beloved one. Kathryn, I never did anything but care for you. Everything I did in our friendship, even the times I disagreed with you, were a function of how much I cared. Even that which I’ve finally given up on you forgiving me for, was done for your sake. In your heart, you know this. I risked, and lost, something that I cherished dearly (your friendship) in an effort to persuade you to do right by and for yourself. If that isn’t love, I don’t know what is. This being the Pit, I’ve opened myself up for flaming. So be it: I doubt that any flames could possibly hurt me more than the present situation. To lose someone you loved because you acted to help her, well, that’s not something I’d wish on any of you. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2001, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/50 "2001-02-16T22:18:11Z")
\ Awwww, I just can’t bring myself to do it. (As if anybody who knows me would ever expect me to flame somebody for spilling his guts! The boy is already in enough pain.) Good grovel. Public, painful, and very personal. I hope **MC** sees it and recognizes it for what it is–sounds like he’s ready to buy a ring! 😉 {{{{{DRY}}}}} ---
**Author:** ![Diane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/2acd7d/32.png) [@Diane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diane)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2001, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/51 "2001-02-16T22:32:36Z")
:::Ignoring my own threats of bodily injury::: DRY - I don’t know Kathryn except for what I have seen on the boards. She seems like a nice person so I hope this isn’t taken as a jab at her. A true friend understands why we say or do things even if they aren’t always the right thing. They are willing to overlook perceived transgressions and accept those heart-felt apologies. They accept our friendship even when they don’t like something we have said or done. They don’t hold grudges. Do you think that maybe you need to look closer at the friendship? ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/52 "2001-02-17T00:03:43Z")
awrightchu amphibian-fucking genetic anomolies- (Okaaaay, pit qualifier having been dispensed with, lets move on, shall we? :D) B. ((DRY)) (not so many, cuz I don’t know you…k?) 1. **Dry** - this ain’t a flame, k? lotsa people coming to this thread could tell you that, I think. But I’m gonna be critical here, ok? I don’t mean to be mean, but hopefully helpful. If I seem callous, please forgive me- I’ve had lots of time spent in this kind of pain, and very certainly don’t mean to appear so, but I’m not the most socialized guy you’ll ever meet… -I’ve seen your name in conjunction with MC’s, so I reckon ur the guy, or were the guy. As to that above- quit stalking her. I ain’t saying you are, but there is an undercurrent there of self-pity and blind self-justification that maybe is turning her off, if these are excessive components of your make-up. Also, too guilded- don’t guild a lily- a simple apology is sufficient for any worthwhile person. However, (this is IMHO, all of it) an aplogy involves way more than saying I’m sorry- it involves looking at what you did as baldly as possible and flatly admitting it. And maybe even consulting the other persons opinion as to how you may have offended. I know when I apologize, I often realize way after the fact that what I _didn’t_ apologize for probably hurt far worse or offended far worse than what I did apologize for. But when you make an aplogy, you don’t set the conditions. the offended party does. Not completely and not in every case, but I do think so in this particular one. And you are apologizing on the one hand, and justifying yourself on the other. And being nauseatingly flowery and noble on still a third hand. To me, this smacks of some disguised insincerity, and bodes for trouble down the road. Essentially, I’m saying I see false, manipulative apology going on up there, and that’s a bad thing. Listen, I don’t know you, and have probably way over-stepped any bounds of propriety here, and I apologize. But please, look at what you posted, at this that I’ve posted, and maybe consider some of the things I’ve said here. I do not say that I have spoken the truth. But I might have to some extent. Oh yeh- if any of the above is, in fact, the case, then it is incumbent upon you to find ways you _can_ change. Otherwise, any apology is rendered worthless. Deeds, not words. [sub]And, of course, borrow dz’s bic and a flamethrower and feel absolutely free to char my ass. The hugs still stand- I know, above all else, you’re bleeding now. Sorry.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 12:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/53 "2001-02-17T00:07:15Z")
**MRb!** > [@](#): > > :flock, flock: I _get_ it!!! LMFAO ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/54 "2001-02-17T00:57:36Z")
[sub]Actually, inor, I want to tell DRY how bad he fucked up, how, even if there had been a chance, he blew it by embarassing MC by airing laundry in public and had completely blown any chance of a reconciliation. But don’t tell him that; it’s one of those things a guy has to learn on his own. ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/55 "2001-02-17T01:27:46Z")
[sub]ok. how you doin, dropzone? you know what we need around here? a bathroom forum. so we can go in and not havta whisper…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/56 "2001-02-17T01:33:49Z")
[sub]i don’t know what went on, none a my bizness. i was just commenting on what he posted here. if it’s the end of a post, do you hafta use {/sub}? just curious and lazy…[/sub] [sup]i gotta go write scotti- earlier i told her i would. yeah, a bathroom would be nice…[/sup] ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/57 "2001-02-17T01:36:23Z")
[sub]oooooooh, dirty laundry on **MC**? dish it to me baby, c’mon, give…:S[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/58 "2001-02-17T01:39:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by inor \* > \*\*[sub]if it’s the end of a post, do you hafta use {/sub}? just curious and lazy… \*\* Nope, and I know it BECAUSE I’m lazy. But we’re straight guys, so we can’t go into the bathroom to whisper gossip, lest others gossip about US. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![inor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/f475e1/32.png) [@inor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/inor)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2001, 2:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114/59 "2001-02-17T02:32:26Z")
> [@](#): > > But we’re straight guys, so we can’t go into the bathroom [sub]heeheehee. i love this. i’m nothing if not inane and immature. we could, like, go in, dude, but not look at each other and talk **In really deep, mathculine voices** and throw our shoulders back and thrust our chests out and swagger and stuff and have one of those leather wallets on a chain and, like, if we both had really bad haircuts, that would prove it…dude.[/sub] apologies to Hastur, Esprix, Matt\_mcl et al. no offense meant…just having some inanity…making fun of two stereotypes, as it were… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scotticher-im-sorry/54114.md?page=2)