# Scratching your crotch **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 3, 2016, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003 "2016-07-03T15:39:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/1 "2016-07-03T15:39:34Z")
Goddamnit if there’s been a _multi-pager_ thread on ass-wiping, then damnit I’m doing one about itchy groins. There’s another recent t.m.i. thread on…the tip of my tongue…of course I’ll remember it right after I post this. Face it - we’ve all been there, right? Men - when they get all sweaty and sliding around in there, usually in public spaces? Ladies - especially on those humid days, your pudenda may get a little…well, I guess I’ve never personally experienced it, so maybe some keen elucidation could be proferred forth? What’s been the worst possible scenarios you’ve found yourselves in when that ignoble need has arisen? Giving lectures? Getting chewed out by the principal when you were a kid? During wedding vows? Talking to a cop? A first-time acquaintance with someone you’d like to meet again? And what’s with the ridiculously crude stereotype of young Italian men scratching their packages? If I was Italian I would take maybe a bit more offense to that. A few directions this can be scratched around. \*\* THIS IS AN STD-FREE THREAD\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Me\_Billy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e480ec/32.png) [@Me\_Billy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Me_Billy)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/2 "2016-07-03T15:46:03Z")
I am discreet about such things… I say “Where did I put that note?” Then I pretend to go digging around in my front pockets for it. Actually I am scratching my itch! ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/3 "2016-07-03T16:49:18Z")
I’m 70 and scratch whatever needs it. Old folks, right? ---
**Author:** ![panache45](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/panache45/32/64_2.png) [@panache45](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panache45)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/4 "2016-07-03T16:54:13Z")
> [@GaryM](#): > > I’m 70 and scratch whatever needs it. Old folks, right? I’m 70 too, and scratch regardless of need. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/5 "2016-07-03T18:01:48Z")
> [@Eddie The Horrible](#): > > Goddamnit if there’s been a _multi-pager_ thread on ass-wiping, then damnit I’m doing one about itchy groins. There’s another recent t.m.i. thread on…the tip of my tongue…of course I’ll remember it right after I post this. Yeah, when you do remember, you’re probably going to want to spit it out… ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/6 "2016-07-03T20:56:17Z")
I don’t think women get itchy there as a general rule unless there is a health issue. At least, I don’t personally experience that problem. However, once we had a house full of churchy relatives of an in-law and my left nipple started itching so badly that I pretended to be looking in the fridge for something so I could scratch it behind the door. ---
**Author:** ![GaryM](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garym/32/241_2.png) [@GaryM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GaryM)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/7 "2016-07-03T21:26:57Z")
> [@panache45](#): > > I’m 70 too, and scratch regardless of need. Now I will too. Just so you’re not by yourself. ---
**Author:** ![Grrr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/grrr/32/146_2.png) [@Grrr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grrr)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/8 "2016-07-03T21:48:59Z")
My biggest problem is getting [Bat Wings](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bat%20wings) in public. Hate that! Best I can hope for is if there is something I can prop my leg up on and do my best Captain Morgan pose. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/9 "2016-07-03T21:57:58Z")
You could just stuff a porcupine down your shorts for hands-free itch relief. ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [July 3, 2016, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/10 "2016-07-03T22:43:40Z")
\*\*Lots \*\*of talcum powder before I get dressed. Not usually a problem for me. ---
**Author:** ![Waltzes\_with\_Cacti](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/90ced4/32.png) [@Waltzes\_with\_Cacti](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waltzes_with_Cacti)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/11 "2016-07-04T00:18:03Z")
> [@seal\_cleaner](#): > > \*\*Lots \*\*of talcum powder before I get dressed. Not usually a problem for me. **Seal Cleaner** , are you male or female? Or, rather, now that querying other people’s gender is discouraged (unless you’re in North Carolina), let me phrase the question as: do you have ovaries? Because if you have 'em you should know that the use of talcum powder has been implicated as a cause of ovarian cancer. ---
**Author:** ![Tibby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tibby/32/17030_2.png) [@Tibby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tibby)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/12 "2016-07-04T00:46:37Z")
**Waltzes with Cacti:** That reminds me, a cactus stuffed down your shorts would work, too. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/13 "2016-07-04T02:51:15Z")
**Tibby or Not Tibby** - I knew a cat named Tibby (sometimes Tibs) that I’m sure could put the ole Cat Scratch Fever into any pair of pants. I was trying to think of the worst possible thing to wear when the itch happens and decided it’s the mankini. Not that I ever wore one, but it’s the grossest thing I could think of. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/14 "2016-07-04T03:01:19Z")
I know that Roseanne got a lot of attention when she scratched her crotch at a Padres game. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/15 "2016-07-04T04:00:46Z")
sings a mean anthem, tho ---
**Author:** ![seal\_cleaner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@seal\_cleaner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seal_cleaner)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/16 "2016-07-04T16:31:22Z")
> [@Waltzes\_with\_Cacti](#): > > **Seal Cleaner** , are you male or female? Or, rather, now that querying other people’s gender is discouraged (unless you’re in North Carolina), let me phrase the question as: do you have ovaries? Because if you have 'em you should know that the use of talcum powder has been implicated as a cause of ovarian cancer. Male. Novaries. ---
**Author:** ![spamforbrains](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e274bd/32.png) [@spamforbrains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/spamforbrains)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2016, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/17 "2016-07-04T21:37:50Z")
> [@](#): > > that the use of talcum powder has been implicated as a cause of ovarian cancer. um, actually it hasn’t. Although there is some fuss about the issue. It’s kind of hard to think of a plausible mechanism for how talcum powder could possibly cause ovarian cancer. I mean, if the stuff is carcinogenic, and you apply it to your crotch, you could get skin cancer of the crotch, which would really suck. But that doesn’t seem to happen. And yet it magically transports itself into the abdomen through a lot of tissues and causes ovarian cancer without affecting any of the other intervening tissues? ---
**Author:** ![Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/soul_brother_number_two/32/3515_2.png) [@Soul\_Brother\_Number\_Two](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Soul_Brother_Number_Two)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/18 "2016-07-05T19:55:10Z")
It’s cool as long as you don’t sniff your fingers. ---
**Author:** ![epbrown01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7ba0ec/32.png) [@epbrown01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/epbrown01)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/19 "2016-07-05T21:25:02Z")
> [@Eddie The Horrible](#): > > Face it - we’ve all been there, right? Wrong. I won’t dispute that balls occasionally itch, but you don’t _have_ to scratch. “Didn’t Scratch Balls” has never been cited as cause of death in a single coroner’s report in all of human history - you can check. The discomfort you feel from not doing so will pass. The impression you make doing so in public lingers. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2016, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003/20 "2016-07-05T21:35:08Z")
If it’s really bad I gotta take 'em out to do it right. Then it’s a big pain in the butt because I have to explain to people that they’re not swollen, they’re just naturally that big. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scratching-your-crotch/759003.md?page=2)