# SCREAM Chick is back **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 6, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222 "2003-02-06T16:13:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Raygun99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Raygun99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raygun99)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/41 "2003-02-07T01:02:50Z")
I think Jesus could swing that though. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/42 "2003-02-07T01:05:29Z")
Yeah, but this is GOD’S toilet! ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/43 "2003-02-07T01:31:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OpalCat \* > \*\*Most toilets don’t have armrests. \*\* “Hello? Patent Office?” ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/44 "2003-02-07T01:42:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by OpalCat \* > \*\*Most toilets don’t have armrests. \*\* Yeah, and why the hell not? ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/45 "2003-02-07T02:26:48Z")
Well, he’s not losing his touch entirely. Some kid is going to have nightsweats for a week this November (upon recieving this tract from a fundy on Halloween), thanks to the burning arsonist and maybe the graphic depiction of Lazarus. I’m all for toilet-armrests. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/46 "2003-02-07T09:05:57Z")
Anyway, serves that bloody fireman right for breakdancing on the roof of a burning building when he should have been putting out the fire. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/47 "2003-02-07T12:24:03Z")
Personally, I think that Bob looks a lot like [Robert A. Heinlein](http://www.atinternet.com/cinema/st/images/heinlein.gif) (though if he were still living, he’d no doubt kick my ass _and_ Chick’s for making such a comparison). Chick definately isn’t cranking 'em (Get it? “Cranking?”) out like he used to. I like how one of the folks in the crowd says, “Do you think it was arson?” The squirrels were great, though. I kept imagining the squirrel climbing the tree and looking at the squirrel on the ground and asking, “Do these nuts make my ass look fat?” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/48 "2003-02-07T13:07:10Z")
Please. DNA testing has conclusively shown that Bob is the long-lost cousin of Freddie Mercury. It’s sort of like the relationship between Jimmy Swaggart and Jerry Lee Lewis. ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/49 "2003-02-07T13:54:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > \*\*Can anyone bring me up to speed here? I’ll assume that “Bob” is a regular of these things? \*\* Yeah, Bob has shown up in quite a few, but lately he’s been in all of them. Let’s see, rules of a Chick tract: 1. Chick’s god is a vicious, mean-spirited demon god whose only real requirement is that he is worshipped and feared. It doesn’t matter if you’ve led as near a sinless life as is humanly possible; if you don’t believe, to The Fiery Pits of Hell[sup]tm[/sup] for you. 2. No one has ever heard of Christianity or Jesus until Bob or one of his minions shows up. 3. Lots of people die after Bob shows up. No charges have been filed. 4. The unrepentant get thrown into The Fiery Pits of Hell[sup]tm[/sup]. Every time. God has no imagination apparently. 5. According to [Caught!](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5013/5013_01.asp), God owns His own porn business and uses angels to take care of the recording side of things. 6. Catholics are bad and apparently non-Christian. 7. Facts have NO place in a Chick tract. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/50 "2003-02-07T14:09:38Z")
1. The more lumpy a person’s face, the more likely that they are evil. ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/51 "2003-02-07T14:42:00Z")
The cover looks great. That oughta grab alot of folks in to read it. Not too imaginative though. No “cults” to malign or anything. ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/52 "2003-02-07T15:14:16Z")
So how many flaming deaths has this particular Bible sereis had? Lets see there’s [A bus explosion](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5004/5004_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries) [a car wreck](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5015/5015_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries) [a collision with a Milk Truck](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5017/5017_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries) [and the good old fashioned arson](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/5021/5021_01.asp?FROM=bibleseries) Jack is in a rut. Of course there are at least five comics where the lesson is learned in the hospital ---
**Author:** ![DeadlyAccurate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ac91a4/32.png) [@DeadlyAccurate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DeadlyAccurate)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/53 "2003-02-07T15:20:59Z")
I’m curious. Has anyone ever contacted Jack Chick and gotten a response? ---
**Author:** ![kingpengvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9dc877/32.png) [@kingpengvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kingpengvin)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/54 "2003-02-07T17:31:01Z")
I’m almost tempted to write a ASK JACK CHICK Thread ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/55 "2003-02-07T22:07:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jackmannii \*\*\* > > > [@](#): > > > > _Originally posted by OpalCat_ > > Most toilets don’t have armrests. > > “Hello? Patent Office?” \*\* “Yeah?” 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2003, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/56 "2003-02-07T22:45:22Z")
Is it just me or does Roger’s face seem to morph into a new person with every panel in that _Caught_ tract? ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2003, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/57 "2003-02-08T00:24:33Z")
Total aside here, but in [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0900/0900\_01.asp](http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0900/0900_01.asp) I just LOVE the frame that is labelled “People find them irresistable!” ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2003, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/58 "2003-02-08T00:49:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Homebrew \* > \*\*Is it just me or does Roger’s face seem to morph into a new person with every panel in that _Caught_ tract? \*\* He’s getting more eeeevil! ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2003, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/59 "2003-02-08T06:48:07Z")
> [@](#): > > _Kingpengvin_ > I’m almost tempted to write a ASK JACK CHICK Thread I think this is a great idea. If you don’t want to do it , can I? (I will give you full credit for the idea) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/edb3f5/32.png) [@The\_Asbestos\_Mango](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Asbestos_Mango)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2003, 9:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222/60 "2003-02-08T09:25:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Larry Mudd \* > \*\* I really love Bob. His mixed-messages and stereotypical “villain” mustache make me suspect that Chick is a closet Manichean-- or, even better, the most sublime Subgenius Epopt _ever,_ extracting funds from the pinkest of the fundies, and producing an unprecedented volume of quality bulldada. \*\* I knew there was a reason that Jack named the Bringer of the Gospel “Bob”. And I get to post this again… The Chick Tract Rite of Exorcism Everybody join hands and form a circle around the Recipient of the Chick Tract. Anybody have one of the “Straight Dope” books? No? Ok, any nonfiction book will do. Oh, you have last month’s Scientific American? That’ll do. (the Chick Tract Exorcist holds the nonfiction book over the Recipient’s head, and intones, chants, even) Do you, (Recipient) renounce Jack Chick and all his works? Do you renounce hatred against Catholics, Muslims, Jews, Pagans, homosexuals and Christians who aren’t Fundamentalist enough? Do you renounce all badly drawn comic-type books? Do you promise that, when handed a Chick Tract, you will do your best to refute the lies contained therein? Do you promise that, while the Giver of the Chick Tract is still within earshot, you will laugh hysterically and deposit the Chick Tract in the nearest garbage can, its natural home, or else give the it to a person strong in reason who collects Chick Tracts for their comedic value? In the name of all that is True, or at least factually accurate, I command Jack Chick and all his minions to depart from this Child of Reasonable Intelligence, and to remove themselves to the more unpleasant regions of the Universe. And all the people said, Amen. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-chick-is-back/153222.md?page=4)