# Scream like a girl if you need me **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 30, 2002, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-like-a-girl-if-you-need-me/121523 "2002-07-30T13:14:49Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Vertiginous\_Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a587f6/32.png) [@Vertiginous\_Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vertiginous_Annie)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-like-a-girl-if-you-need-me/121523/1 "2002-07-30T13:14:49Z")
My idiot landlord forgets that our run-down little house (we rent 1/2) is not properly wired. The entire house (except the fridge) is on the same fuse. One little fuse. This means trips into the BASEMENT OF DOOM at inopportune times. Now, my sweetie is not a timid guy. He doesn’t mind dark, dirt, or bugs. Still, our basement is enough to make him cower. (I get scared in broad daylight just because I know it’s there). Ever see Pet Semetary? That’s it. You’re just waiting to be stabbed in the ankle. Perhaps it’s the low ceiling, forcing you to double over as you creep down. It’s a very vulnerable position. The last few stairs are nothing more than hunks of rock. Once these are navigated, you are forced to take a meandering path to the fuse box, as the basement houses the relics of all the previous tenants (and perhaps the dismembered corpses of the tenants themselves…) The landlord was once the proprietor of an ice-cream parlor. Quaint tables and chairs litter the basement, as does the occasional “DELICIOUS ICE CREAM” sign. Oh sweet lord, there is nothing more evil than that (unless there was a clown eating the “DELICIOUS ICE CREAM”). Eeeehhhh… You actually have to climb over some of this stuff to get to the fuse box. The rocking chair was fun the first time. Nearly fell head-first onto the concrete floor (I thought it was a regular chair). Just the kind of misstep that a deranged-killer-lurking-in-the-shadows waits for. A lot of the clutter is soft. Oh, stepping on the squishy old couch when you’re expecting something firm is bad enough - then you imagine the dead hooker in it’s hide-a-bed cavity… Once you finally get to the fuse box, a whole new world of terror awaits. Spiders. Lots of them. Spiders eating other spiders. On the fuses. Dangling above the box. Sneaking up behind you… joing forces to weave a giant, super-strong web… the millions of them slowly wrapping you in a sticky death shroud. All of this was bad enough when the two of us were there - but I had to abandon my honey to the evil below in order to see if they lights came on. Hence the “scream like a girl if you need me.” We both made it out alive… but will we next time? ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-like-a-girl-if-you-need-me/121523/2 "2002-07-30T13:25:07Z")
> [@](#): > > The rocking chair was fun the first time. Nearly fell head-first onto the concrete floor (I thought it was a regular chair). I got a very funny visual of you stepping on to it, and pitched forward and down. hehehehe You might consider clearing a path to the breaker box. ---
**Author:** ![Vertiginous\_Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a587f6/32.png) [@Vertiginous\_Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vertiginous_Annie)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-like-a-girl-if-you-need-me/121523/3 "2002-07-30T13:28:20Z")
Clearing a path would be wise… but do I really want to know what’s lurking under all that crap? NO! Even if there are no corpses, there would be lots of angry spiders. Eeehhh…swarming behavior…I feel faint… ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-like-a-girl-if-you-need-me/121523/4 "2002-07-30T13:46:03Z")
Great Post, **Annie**! I lived in a house with a basement like that once. Worst of all was the crawlspace that was cut into the wall as you went down the stairwell. I couldn’t walk past it without quickening my step, sure that at some point it was going to blow open and a huge worm-like tooth monster would lunge out at me. Or, worse, that it would _slooooowly_ creak open once I had passed, allowing a thin, pale hand to snake out, grab my ponytail, and pull me within for a tasty midnight snack. ::shudder:: If I were you, I’d grab a couple high-intensity lights, a snow shovel, and a dust mask. Go down and clear a path. While you’re at it, check out the ice-cream signs and accessories. There’s quite a market for certain “nostalgia” items, like signboards, adverts, menus, etc. It might be worth your while. 🙂 bella ---
**Author:** ![Vertiginous\_Annie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a587f6/32.png) [@Vertiginous\_Annie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vertiginous_Annie)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2002, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scream-like-a-girl-if-you-need-me/121523/5 "2002-07-30T14:41:39Z")
Thanks, Bella. The high-intersity lights would be a great idea - if they wouldn’t blow the fuse!!! Imagine being plunged into darkenss will a toothy worm monster lurking under the stairs. Aggghhhgggh. As for the ice-cream stuff, nooooo. I won’t even touch it. IT’S EVIL. I have goosebumps just thinking about it. I have a particualr fear of innocent things that have gone decrepit. Eep.