# Screw Coronovirus: what can we do about the current toilet paper crisis? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 22, 2020, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041 "2020-03-22T17:39:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![nearwildheaven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/90db22/32.png) [@nearwildheaven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nearwildheaven)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2020, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/21 "2020-03-22T21:00:50Z")
A truck load of TP was destroyed by our local Infamous Truck-Eating Bridge several days ago. The accident itself didn’t damage much, but the rainstorm that was going on at the same time did. [https://kiik1049.com/truck-hauling-toilet-paper-smashes-through-davenport-bridge/?fbclid=IwAR1SiQ2gr7gWntyCtAMyqytS\_9QLtUTXipvk6o3yFERGQnDwAWZeYbD1MZU](https://kiik1049.com/truck-hauling-toilet-paper-smashes-through-davenport-bridge/?fbclid=IwAR1SiQ2gr7gWntyCtAMyqytS_9QLtUTXipvk6o3yFERGQnDwAWZeYbD1MZU) You get these truckers who think they can squeeze their truck under the bridge, despite signs warning them that they won’t fit, and suffer the consequences. A local charity has compiled pictures of these and sells a calendar every year. ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2020, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/22 "2020-03-22T21:29:31Z")
> [@JRDelirious](#): > > And the thing is, until this moment, nobody had paused to assert their level of consumption of this product. I do think this is a large part of the issue. For most folks, TP is just something you buy when you need, or if its on sale. Because we try to always have at least a month’s worth of supplies, I have a good idea how much TP we use a week. When this first started, I was surprised to hear that most of my friends and co-workers have no idea how much TP their family uses, so got scared and really over-bought. At work, the restrooms are stocked with the same TP government workers suffer with. I don’t really like carrying a roll of my own toilet paper around, so carry individual packaged wet-ones in my pocket for when that thin, wax paper stuff doesn’t work. Several times (5 to be exact), boxes of Purell wipes have been bought by mistake. Purell wipes do not belong anywhere near anyone’s lady bits, so the boxes got shoved to the back of an upper shelf until a few days ago. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2020, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/23 "2020-03-22T21:31:48Z")
In my town, I have heard that the dollar stores have it, although I suspect it is probably the John Wayne variety.Rougher than hell, and won’t take any shit from anybody. I have heard that Sam’s Club has it. So, if you know anyone with a Sam’s Club card, that is to whom you should offer . . . favors. ---
**Author:** ![ekedolphin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ekedolphin/32/10003_2.png) [@ekedolphin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ekedolphin)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2020, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/24 "2020-03-22T21:37:04Z")
Three seashells? ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Quatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bc8723/32.png) [@Mr\_Quatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Quatro)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2020, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/25 "2020-03-22T21:45:11Z")
> [@Ike\_Witt](#): > > I’m going to start using both sides. Don’t shake my hand :eek: Guess what everyone is going to give for Christmas presents this year? Toilet paper and hand sanitizer 😃 ---
**Author:** ![River\_Hippie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/river_hippie/32/26_2.png) [@River\_Hippie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/River_Hippie)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2020, 10:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/26 "2020-03-22T22:02:30Z")
I’ve been worrying that it’s going to be like the .22 ammo shortage of a few years back. It just went on and on for no good reason. Every time I thought the shortage must have surely ended I’d go looking for it and it was as scarce as the time before. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/27 "2020-03-23T00:11:32Z")
> [@casdave](#): > > All you do is use a cloth and rinse it out, we are so used to changing kids nappies and cleaning up our dog’s mess - it’s no worse than that. That great American Lazlo Toth suggested [the Toilet Cloth](https://books.google.com/books?id=eeTofa1jasQC&pg=PT103&lpg=PT103&dq=lazlo+toth+toilet+cloth&source=bl&ots=6yIgOk0Wit&sig=ACfU3U1IlKyb-ejO_6l972bwuDiky_fgFA&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwip84OFp6_oAhVVCc0KHWPNAhcQ6AEwC3oECAgQAQ#v=onepage&q=lazlo%20toth%20toilet%20cloth&f=false) in a letter to President Gerald Ford in September 1974, stating it was an action the populace could take in order to have “Depression with Honor”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/28 "2020-03-23T00:36:13Z")
> [@River\_Hippie](#): > > I’ve been worrying that it’s going to be like the .22 ammo shortage of a few years back. It just went on and on for no good reason. Every time I thought the shortage must have surely ended I’d go looking for it and it was as scarce as the time before. And IIRC .22lr prices still haven’t recovered, they spiked in 2009, spiked again in 2013 and still in 2019 theyre still considerably more expensive than they were a decade ago even accounting for inflation. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/29 "2020-03-23T01:55:37Z")
Well, nobody’s taking cash any more, so… ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 2:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/30 "2020-03-23T02:07:57Z")
There’s a small, white, fluffy dog that lives nearby. I may start using that. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/31 "2020-03-23T02:18:02Z")
If stores limited package size to 12 rolls and only allowed 1 per customer it might slow things down. The warehouse stores sell packages that don’t fit in the cart. They must be 48 count packages. Not sure what the largest size is at regular grocery stores. It’s not unrealistic to buy more without actually hoarding because people now working from home will use more. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/32 "2020-03-23T02:21:18Z")
> [@Siam\_Sam](#): > > There’s a small, white, fluffy dog that lives nearby. I may start using that. Cats are self cleaning. Just remember to trim their nails. ---
**Author:** ![Asuka](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dec6dc/32.png) [@Asuka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asuka)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/33 "2020-03-23T03:23:18Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > If stores limited package size to 12 rolls and only allowed 1 per customer it might slow things down. The warehouse stores sell packages that don’t fit in the cart. They must be 48 count packages. Not sure what the largest size is at regular grocery stores. > > It’s not unrealistic to buy more without actually hoarding because people now working from home will use more. My local grocery store was enforcing a strict one package of toilet paper per customer limit, however for whatever reason they only stocked either the 16 roll packs or the two roll packs, and even with that limit they’ve already been out of stock for two weeks now. ---
**Author:** ![WildaBeast](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wildabeast/32/6_2.png) [@WildaBeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WildaBeast)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/34 "2020-03-23T05:10:16Z")
Last weekend I made I package of that [Hurst’s Beans](https://hurstbeans.com/) 15 bean soup mix. Since that makes a pretty large number of servings, and I live alone, I’ve been eating a bowl of bean soup for lunch every day. In hindsight, eating something so high in fiber during a time when toilet paper is so hard to find might not have been such a great idea. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/35 "2020-03-23T10:11:24Z")
> [@Senegoid](#): > > That’s exactly what people are needing all that extra TP for. You would think the people hoarding TP would need very little of it for that purpose. On the other hand that’s another area where the Dunning-Kruger effect may have something to say. As for the OP, nobody has mentioned the Bum Gun, not only good for dealing with No.2s, it’s also very practical for cleaning the bathroom, cheap and easy to install. In an emergency you could press a garden hose and spray nozzle into service, just be considerate and bend towards the neighbours. ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/36 "2020-03-23T13:08:42Z")
Our local store has been out of TP since we started being aware of this as an issue. I counted yesterday, and we have 16 rolls - in addition to the 3 partial rolls currently out. Will be interested in seeing how quickly we go through them, tho I doubt the 2 of us go through anywhere near a roll a day. So I’m assuming/hoping stocks get replenished in the next 2 weeks… ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/37 "2020-03-23T13:13:46Z")
> [@Ale](#): > > As for the OP, nobody has mentioned the Bum Gun, not only good for dealing with No.2s, it’s also very practical for cleaning the bathroom, cheap and easy to install. > In an emergency you could press a garden hose and spray nozzle into service, just be considerate and bend towards the neighbours. That’s actually the “bidet spray” or “spray bidet” I mentioned in post #3. We don’t call it a “bum gun” over here as far as I know (though I am familiar with the phrase, having come across it here on the Dope before.) ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 1:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/38 "2020-03-23T13:16:10Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > Our local store has been out of TP since we started being aware of this as an issue. I counted yesterday, and we have 16 rolls - … Just recounted - 18. Missed 2 in the back of one cabinet. Still 18 + 3 partial 1 day later, so I’m reassured that we apparently don’t go through TP very quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Turble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Turble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turble)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/39 "2020-03-23T15:07:39Z")
When I was a kid we used the Sunday newspaper in the outhouse. RE: Corncobs – my understanding is that you use a white one first, then use a brown/red one to determine whether you need another white one. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Turble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Turble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turble)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2020, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041/40 "2020-03-23T15:28:06Z")
As a last resort, there is the Military Method some you may have heard about in Basic Training. Take one square of toilet paper. Fold it in half, then fold in half again. Tear off the corner where the folds come together; keep the corner – you’ll need it later. Unfold the paper and stick a finger thru the hole. Wipe finger, then pull off the paper to clean finger. Use the corner you saved to clean under fingernail. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-coronovirus-what-can-we-do-about-the-current-toilet-paper-crisis/850041.md?page=3)