# Screw the Bieber and Go to Jail. Priceless **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 3, 2011, 5:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716 "2011-11-03T05:06:42Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/61 "2011-11-04T17:29:16Z")
> [@shijinn](#): > > i would say 15 seconds is plenty eager. /rimshot If he’d gone for a rimshot, she wouldn’t have gotten pregnant. ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/62 "2011-11-04T17:42:42Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > Oh and he and Selena are definitely getting it on. This is surely not on accident. > > [Imgur: The magic of the Internet](http://i.imgur.com/YKgNZ.png) 😃 Ha! My respect for The Bieb just went way up. I know he and Gomez haven’t made any secret of their teenage shenanigans (it was a BIG DEAL a few months when they were practically dry humping on a beach somewhere), but it’s actually nice to see some teen pop star not using the virgin act. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/63 "2011-11-04T19:46:13Z")
[![]( " - YouTube") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzYWqyAo2w8) Finally. He says on the Today show this morning it never happened, never met the woman, and is usually already in his car immediately after a show. Edit: whoops, that was mentioned in **aceplace57** ’s link. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/64 "2011-11-04T20:00:42Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > … but if he’s hiring a battalion of spin doctors instead of providing a little spit on a swab… We don’t know that he hasn’t though. Don’t DNA tests take a lot longer than a regular paternity test? I was thinking for some reason the turn around time was like 6 months or something, but when you Google there are places claiming next-day results. What is the deal on that exactly? ---
**Author:** ![FairyChatMom](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fairychatmom/32/21906_2.png) [@FairyChatMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FairyChatMom)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/65 "2011-11-04T20:08:11Z")
When I had jury duty a few years back, I remember the State’s Attorney telling us that it took them about 6 months to get DNA back. Bear in mind, this is in a small rural county with no major city - it could be different in other places. Blood tests are a quick way to potentially eliminate someone but they won’t necessarily prove a positive. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/66 "2011-11-04T20:52:12Z")
Latest from TMZ: > **[Justin Bieber's Baby Accuser -- Not Her First 'You're the Daddy' Allegation](https://www.tmz.com/2011/11/04/justin-bieber-baby-accuser-mariah-yeater-boyfriend/#.TrRP__Tkfv8)** > > The woman who claims Justin Bieber fathered her child -- originally accused her ex-boyfriend of being the daddy to the very same baby last year ... this according to her ex-BF's grandmother. I’m officially calling “scam”. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/67 "2011-11-04T21:54:04Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzYWqyAo2w8](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XzYWqyAo2w8) That poor kid is going to lose his hearing from those crowds of screaming girls. ---
**Author:** ![AskNott](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asknott/32/5790_2.png) [@AskNott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AskNott)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/68 "2011-11-04T21:58:10Z")
Her Bieber went off! Look out, boys, she’s backin’ up! ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/69 "2011-11-04T22:01:12Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > Don’t DNA tests take a lot longer than a regular paternity test? I was thinking for some reason the turn around time was like 6 months or something, but when you Google there are places claiming next-day results. What is the deal on that exactly? These days, a DNA test is the regular paternity test. You, the other parent, and the child each wipe separate swabs in your mouths. The lab compares the DNA from the swabs. Turn around time is usually a couple of weeks, but I have received results for my clients in as little as a couple of days. It really comes down to how busy the lab is that you are using, and how long it takes to get the samples to and from the lab. I’m lucky in that there is a lab in my town. It’s pretty inexpensive too. A typical paternity test (mom, dad and love child) runs about $800 in my region, which means that it makes more sense to get the test done than waste money on lawyers to fight over whether or not the test should be done. ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/70 "2011-11-04T22:03:00Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > We don’t know that he hasn’t though. Don’t DNA tests take a lot longer than a regular paternity test? I was thinking for some reason the turn around time was like 6 months or something, but when you Google there are places claiming next-day results. What is the deal on that exactly? In my experience, you can get DNA paternity results from a decent lab relatively quickly. In the most recent case I’ve handled, I think it took less than a week after the samples were collected. Mostly they collect samples with a cotton swab inside the cheek now. Back when I first started dealing with this stuff in 1996, it was a blood draw, but the test still compared DNA. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/71 "2011-11-04T22:05:59Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > Latest from TMZ: > > [Justin Bieber's Baby Accuser -- Not Her First 'You're the Daddy' Allegation](http://www.tmz.com/2011/11/04/justin-bieber-baby-accuser-mariah-yeater-boyfriend/#.TrRP__Tkfv8) > > I’m officially calling “scam”. Yup. Scam. But it would be sweet if Bieber, being the charitable Canuk that he is, were to admit paternity, and based on paternity then get custody. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2011, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/72 "2011-11-04T22:17:35Z")
Where DNA paternity testing gets expensive and time consuming is when you have to get a dead guy dug up, for you have to run it past a judge, pay for some guys and a backhoe, and cover the sample technician’s time out of the office. Its interesting how that tends to dissuade the scammers – I’ve had a couple of dubious types ask about this in the last year, and both of them quickly lost interest when I told them it would cost about five grand. I wonder if the paternity claim rate against Elvis changed once he died, and if it changed again when DNA testing became possible? ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2011, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/73 "2011-11-05T01:55:47Z")
Latest (aren’t you glad I’m keeping on top of this for you?) Scooter Braun [manager]: “now im going to speak up…we didnt hire any damn crisis PR team…that is and has been one of our publicists. he is katie courics too. wtf” ---
**Author:** ![Sage\_Rat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sage_rat/32/399_2.png) [@Sage\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sage_Rat)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2011, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/74 "2011-11-05T02:27:36Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > Would you indulge me for a couple minutes to listen to him singing a capella? > > This is only about 90 seconds long: > [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFAN16kpWTc](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YFAN16kpWTc) Less than impressive, to be honest. Aretha Franklin he ain’t. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2011, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/75 "2011-11-05T02:40:02Z")
> [@Sage\_Rat](#): > > Less than impressive, to be honest. Aretha Franklin he ain’t. Well you’re really going to hate his rapping then, lol. [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/XBVXPYTzczU/maxresdefault.jpg "Justin Bieber Exclusive: Freestyle Rap, Unreleased Tracks") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBVXPYTzczU) ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2011, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/76 "2011-11-05T03:15:50Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > Well you’re really going to hate his rapping then, lol. > > [http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBVXPYTzczU&feature=youtu.be](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XBVXPYTzczU&feature=youtu.be) Making over a white kid from Stratford, Ontario, (Shakespearian theatre, a main street of Victorian architecture, and tourist shops) into a black ghetto rapper is just plain embarassing to watch. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2011, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/77 "2011-11-05T03:30:16Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > Making over a white kid from Stratford, Ontario, (Shakespearian theatre, a main street of Victorian architecture, and tourist shops) into a black ghetto rapper is just plain embarassing to watch. I think he’s just really into rap; he’s friends with many rappers and works with them quite a bit. Does remixes of their stuff, etc. ---
**Author:** ![Red\_Barchetta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/da6949/32.png) [@Red\_Barchetta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Red_Barchetta)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2011, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/78 "2011-11-05T04:36:52Z")
> [@voguevixen](#): > > He’s like Mr. Jesus-freak, anti-abortion poster boy so I can’t imagine him refusing to wear a condom. On top of that I can’t imagine him being such a cad that he’d promise someone backstage passes to future concerts and his phone number in exchange for sex. Why would he have to??? Anyone else remember Britney Spears? Yeah, I didn’t either. ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2011, 6:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/79 "2011-11-05T06:33:02Z")
> [@Red\_Barchetta](#): > > Anyone else remember Britney Spears? Yeah, I didn’t either. I’m not following you. If I’m reading this correctly both her kids were conceived while she was married. [http://marriage.about.com/cs/celebritymarriages/p/britneyjason.htm](http://marriage.about.com/cs/celebritymarriages/p/britneyjason.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2011, 6:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-the-bieber-and-go-to-jail-priceless/601716/80 "2011-11-05T06:35:15Z")
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