# Screw you, Burl Ives! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 18, 2024, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-you-burl-ives/1011833 "2024-12-18T22:59:05Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2025, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-you-burl-ives/1011833/101 "2025-12-23T03:06:34Z")
> [@Ancient\_Nerd](#): > > > [@Chronos](#): > > > > The hippo song was cute. Once. Ever. > > > Mother says the hippo will eat me up. But then Teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian. > > She has done her research and quotes a reliable source. This kid has it figured out. The hippo will still bite her and ruin her day. ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2025, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-you-burl-ives/1011833/102 "2025-12-23T12:40:02Z")
> [@Ancient\_Nerd](#): > > > Mother says the hippo will eat me up. But then Teacher says a hippo is a vegetarian. > > She has done her research and quotes a reliable source. This kid has it figured out. My elementary school music teacher edited those two lines to make them (almost) rhyme: > Mother says the hippo will eat me to bits > > But then Teacher says a hippo is a vegetari-us. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2025, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-you-burl-ives/1011833/103 "2025-12-23T15:50:55Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > They don’t usually eat the people they kill. Such wasteful asshats! ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2025, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-you-burl-ives/1011833/104 "2025-12-23T18:15:24Z")
No, they’re just being generous to their fellow wildlife. First they thoroughly tenderize the meat by stomping the person all to heck. Then they season them with a little fresh hippo urine. Which also starts some chemical sorta-digestive effects making the still-cooling tender flesh more palatable. Then they walk away, leaving the now ready-to-eat corpse to those poor hungry scavengers (im)patiently waiting their turn. Hippos: the generous gentlemen and ladies of the veldt. 🤪 ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2025, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-you-burl-ives/1011833/105 "2025-12-23T18:24:40Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Then they season them with a little fresh hippo urine ::_reminder to self_ - **decline** @LSLGuy’s invitation to cook me dinner:: ---
**Author:** ![Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/q.q.switcheroo/32/5713_2.png) [@Q.Q.Switcheroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Q.Q.Switcheroo)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2025, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-you-burl-ives/1011833/106 "2025-12-23T19:44:37Z")
> **[Santa Claus Responds to Christmas Wishes Made in Holiday Songs](https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/santa-claus-responds-to-christmas-wishes-made-in-holiday-songs)** > > “I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas” > Forget the naughty-and-nice list; we need a third list for morons. What the hell are you going to do with a h... ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2025, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-you-burl-ives/1011833/107 "2025-12-23T20:05:51Z")
Anything from McSweeney’s is a wonderful Christmas gift, so, thank you! Now, off to read it. ETA: it did not disappoint. Thanks again. ---
**Author:** ![Spiderman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spiderman/32/230_2.png) [@Spiderman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spiderman)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2025, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-you-burl-ives/1011833/108 "2025-12-23T22:01:54Z")
The next 24-40 hrs is going to _ **suck** _, drinkwise. For the past double-digitsome number of years Xmas Eve was spent with George Bailey & the (progressively) [bad elves](https://www.ridgewaybrewery.co.uk/collections/christmas-range) - a) not only are there only three elves now (there used to be five - Bad, Very Bad, _Seriously Bad_, Criminally Bad, & _Insanely Bad_), but - b) ; they cut production, even the distributor wasn’t able to get _any_ this year Then on Christmas morn I make pancakes, washed down with [Christmas Pancakes](https://www.hardywood.com/christmas-pancakes). Guess I’ll make some Irish Toast instead. ---
**Author:** ![Lumpy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lumpy/32/446_2.png) [@Lumpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lumpy)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2025, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-you-burl-ives/1011833/109 "2025-12-23T23:38:23Z")
My life would have been very different– possibly much more wretched and shorter, but certainly _different_– if it had been alcohol that was that important to me instead of sugar. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screw-you-burl-ives/1011833.md?page=5)