# Screwing up the world with a teleporter **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 13, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644 "2012-10-13T20:24:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2012, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/21 "2012-10-14T17:21:25Z")
> [@Terr](#): > > I misread the title as “Screwing up the world with a teleprompter”. A much more realistic scenario. _sigh_ Check post #8. ---
**Author:** ![Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Nunzio\_Tavulari](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunzio_Tavulari)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2012, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/22 "2012-10-14T18:26:55Z")
Since you have a time machine AND a teleporter, send the right size gloves to the OJ Simpson trial. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2012, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/23 "2012-10-14T19:29:39Z")
How fine is the control on this thing? Could I repeatedly knock Romney harmlessly to the floor (in a way that makes it look like he’s falling over) during the next debate, or maybe keep landing pigeons on his head? ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2012, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/24 "2012-10-14T19:32:07Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > How fine is the control on this thing? Could I repeatedly knock Romney harmlessly to the floor (in a way that makes it look like he’s falling over) during the next debate, or maybe keep landing pigeons on his head? Yes, but only once. You could even fill someone’s colon with a rather large amount of the substance of your choice :eek: ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2012, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/25 "2012-10-14T19:34:47Z")
> [@Szlater](#): > > Yes, but only once. > > You could even fill someone’s colon with a rather large amount of the substance of your choice :eek: Only once? Okay, maybe a mouse or some harmless biting insect into his underwear. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Enkel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/df705f/32.png) [@Enkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enkel)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2012, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/26 "2012-10-14T20:12:22Z")
> [@Szlater](#): > > You could even fill someone’s colon with a rather large amount of the substance of your choice :eek: Oooooo… now this just got interesting… ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2012, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/27 "2012-10-14T21:30:31Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Figure out what preacher is the biggest, most publicly visible proponent of “Rapture” theology. Then when he’s in the middle of a sermon on the subject, preferable on TV, beam him and and as many of his congregation as the teleporter can handle away someplace they won’t be found. Into the Sun, say. If I can suggest a modification of this idea: Beam away the congregation, but leave him. ---
**Author:** ![ftg](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ftg/32/2801_2.png) [@ftg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ftg)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2012, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/28 "2012-10-14T21:53:22Z")
> [@leahcim](#): > > If I can suggest a modification of this idea: Beam away the congregation, but leave him. This I like. ---
**Author:** ![Ethilrist](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ethilrist/32/4604_2.png) [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2012, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/29 "2012-10-14T22:53:55Z")
Teleport Voyager to the opposite side of the solar system, same speed and heading, so that, having left the Solar System, it seems to have “wrapped” and is now on its way back in-system. ---
**Author:** ![Heracles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heracles/32/487_2.png) [@Heracles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heracles)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 4:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/30 "2012-10-15T04:42:37Z")
Beam out the [Kaaba](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaaba) during Hajj. It’s a bit bigger than a double-decker bus, though. Alternately, beam in some large caricatures of Mohamed next to the Kaaba. In either case, there will probably be some sort of reaction. ---
**Author:** ![coremelt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4491bb/32.png) [@coremelt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/coremelt)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/31 "2012-10-15T04:52:10Z")
> [@Heracles](#): > > Beam out the [Kaaba](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kaaba) during Hajj. It’s a bit bigger than a double-decker bus, though. I couldn’t help thinking of the Invader Zim episode Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy. Except use a block of spam carved into the shape of the Kaaba instead. Yes I’m going to hell. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/32 "2012-10-15T07:09:57Z")
Teleport gerbils into Richard Gere’s butt. ---
**Author:** ![Mnemnosyne](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mnemnosyne/32/3347_2.png) [@Mnemnosyne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mnemnosyne)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/33 "2012-10-15T07:16:07Z")
> [@Ethilrist](#): > > Teleport Voyager to the opposite side of the solar system, same speed and heading, so that, having left the Solar System, it seems to have “wrapped” and is now on its way back in-system. Ok, I really like this one. It’s subtle, but once it’s observed, the confusion that would ensue… Scientists would be forced to theorize that the solar system is surrounded by some undetectable field that keeps physical objects in. Or perhaps everything we’ve observed about the universe is false, projected in at us intentionally. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/34 "2012-10-15T07:21:29Z")
> [@Mnemnosyne](#): > > Ok, I really like this one. It’s subtle, but once it’s observed, the confusion that would ensue… Scientists would be forced to theorize that the solar system is surrounded by some undetectable field that keeps physical objects in. Or perhaps everything we’ve observed about the universe is false, projected in at us intentionally. Actually, I kind of hope they would surmise there was a _Dick with a Teleporter_. It’s one of the simpler explanations. ---
**Author:** ![Dioptre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/278dde/32.png) [@Dioptre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dioptre)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/35 "2012-10-15T09:22:17Z")
Continuing the theme of confusing scientists - Set it to teleport neutrinos from particle accelerators to just in front of detector arrays. Do this for everyone _but_ the team in Italy who first reported faster-than-light neutrinos and watch them try to replicate the experiment. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 12:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/36 "2012-10-15T12:08:52Z")
A lot of Alfred Bester’s novel _The Stars my Destination_ (AKA _Tiger! Tiger!_ is devoted to the socia ramifications of Teleportation, and what you’d do about them. Some of the issues: 1.) Thieves can teleport into your house and rob you. How do you keep things safe? 2.) Once you’ve caught sauid theives, how do you keep them in jail (Bester’s teleportation is an innate ability, not vrequiring equipment) 3.) What happens to all oyr transportation equipment and capital? (Things like trains end up as toys for the wealthy) Of course, that’s for widespread non-technology-based teleportation. If you’ve got the only teleportation booth, you could: 1.) Teleport a shark into an elevator 2.) Randomly teleport something inappropriate into a different small, well-traveled place every week. Call it the Shock of the Week. Like teleporting an elephant seal ontpo a subway platform, Or a really big sculture into the middle of a football stadium during a game. 3.) Teleporting someone and a fly at the same time, just to see what would happen. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/37 "2012-10-15T12:33:20Z")
Teleport a double-decker bus full of Las Vegas tourists into Mecca. Drop the crown jewels of England into a cabinet in the Hollywood Scientology Celebrity Center, and send an anonymous note to the FBI. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/38 "2012-10-15T13:17:12Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > _sigh_ > > Check post #8. Ok, at this point I’d teleport a teleprompter into this thread. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/39 "2012-10-15T13:43:26Z")
I think a lot of fun could be had at various Big Deal Events with teleporting quantities of alcohol\* directly into the stomachs of various Big Deal People. \*or the other substance of your choice. Sodium pentothal into the veins, maybe? ---
**Author:** ![Alka\_Seltzer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c89c15/32.png) [@Alka\_Seltzer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alka_Seltzer)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 3:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/40 "2012-10-15T15:00:20Z")
Statue of Liberty’s head to the top of the Eiffel Tower. Michael Jackson’s corpse into Chairman Mao’s mausoleum. Hugh Hefner into Queen Elizabeth’s bedroom. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644.md?page=3)