# Screwing up the world with a teleporter **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 13, 2012, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644 "2012-10-13T20:24:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Dioptre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/278dde/32.png) [@Dioptre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dioptre)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/41 "2012-10-15T15:12:14Z")
So long as multiple-teleports are allowed, there’s endless opportunity for tele-swaps. Reversing the contents of two rooms in a public building, for example. Or the evidence-lockers for two major crime squads. ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/42 "2012-10-15T15:17:50Z")
> [@Dioptre](#): > > So long as multiple-teleports are allowed, there’s endless opportunity for tele-swaps. Reversing the contents of two rooms in a public building, for example. Or the evidence-lockers for two major crime squads. Nope. I quite clearly stated that you were allowed only one teleport, either to you, from you or point-to-point. ---
**Author:** ![Enkel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/df705f/32.png) [@Enkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enkel)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/43 "2012-10-15T15:30:46Z")
White House Denies CIA Teleported Obama to Mars > **[White House Denies CIA Teleported Obama to Mars](https://www.wired.com/2012/01/obama-mars/)** > > Forget Kenya. Never mind the secret madrassas. The sinister, shocking truth about Barack Obama's past lies not in east Africa, but in outer space. As a young man in the early 1980s, Obama was part of a secret CIA project to explore Mars. That's the... Hey, who invited them to play? ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 5:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/44 "2012-10-15T17:37:37Z")
Teleport about four stiff slugs of vodka into Mitt’s stomach five minutes before the next debate. ---
**Author:** ![Enkel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/df705f/32.png) [@Enkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enkel)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/45 "2012-10-15T17:42:33Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > Teleport about four stiff slugs of vodka into Mitt’s stomach five minutes before the next debate. Okay, now.. I’d donate $$ to that effort. ---
**Author:** ![davidm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidm/32/225_2.png) [@davidm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/davidm)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/46 "2012-10-15T18:29:30Z")
Teleport a statue of some famous person onto Mars where the Curiosity rover would find it. The only question is, who should it be a statue of? ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/47 "2012-10-15T18:29:53Z")
> [@Enkel](#): > > Okay, now.. I’d donate $$ to that effort. Can we toss in a wad of wet cocktail napkins coming out of his shirt pocket? ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/48 "2012-10-15T18:35:59Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Figure out what preacher is the biggest, most publicly visible proponent of “Rapture” theology. Then when he’s in the middle of a sermon on the subject, preferable on TV, beam him and and as many of his congregation as the teleporter can handle away someplace they won’t be found. Into the Sun, say. He’d be dead but wouldn’t this cause widespread confirmation of his beliefs and loads of new religious people? ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/49 "2012-10-15T19:06:19Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > The only question is, who should it be a statue of? The Flying Spaghetti Monster. ---
**Author:** ![Enkel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/df705f/32.png) [@Enkel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Enkel)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/50 "2012-10-15T20:27:14Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > Teleport a statue of some famous person onto Mars where the Curiosity rover would find it. > > The only question is, who should it be a statue of? I nominate L. Ron Hubbard or Carl Sagan Or, if you want to drive the conspiracy theorists wild… send the old lunar landing thingy-ma-gig and they’ll all swear that everything is being filmed in the deserts of California. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/51 "2012-10-15T20:43:37Z")
So, a double-decker-bus-size iron statue of the FSM soaked in diesel and set ablaze, placed on top of the Kaaba amidst the Tawaf of the Hajj. ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/52 "2012-10-15T21:36:38Z")
> [@For You](#): > > So, a double-decker-bus-size iron statue of the FSM soaked in diesel and set ablaze, placed on top of the Kaaba amidst the Tawaf of the Hajj. Where are you going to get said statue? Do you happen to have one kicking about? ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/53 "2012-10-15T21:54:41Z")
Can I teleport fire? Because it’d be pretty funny to teleport a whole bunch of fire onto one of those preachers people were talking about before. I don’t want put any combustible material onto the guy, because then investigators would notice that he had been covered with gasoline, or whatever it was. Just _boom_ FIRE OUT FROM NOWHERE! ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/54 "2012-10-15T22:31:23Z")
> [@davidm](#): > > Teleport a statue of some famous person onto Mars where the Curiosity rover would find it. > > The only question is, who should it be a statue of? Gene Roddenberry. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/55 "2012-10-15T22:36:21Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > Teleport about four stiff slugs of vodka into Mitt’s stomach five minutes before the next debate. How about Mitt’s colon? Obama’s too. > [@Enkel](#): > > Or, if you want to drive the conspiracy theorists wild… send the old lunar landing thingy-ma-gig and they’ll all swear that everything is being filmed in the deserts of California. Send a busload of consiracy theorists to the Apollo 11 Landing Site. Or, Send two half-buses, one with lions, the other with bears, to Soldier Field for next Monday Night Football’s game of the week. Each half-bus in the backfield of the opposing football team during opening kick-off would be just fine. ---
**Author:** ![Namkcalb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c89c15/32.png) [@Namkcalb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Namkcalb)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2012, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/56 "2012-10-15T22:41:04Z")
> [@For You](#): > > So, a double-decker-bus-size iron statue of the FSM soaked in diesel and set ablaze, placed on top of the Kaaba amidst the Tawaf of the Hajj. There’s lots of statues of Lenin left in Russia, I think teleporting a statue of the second most famous atheist in history on top of the Kaaba would work. Why not Marx? Well, I don’t wanna share a world with a [billion Santa Claus worshipers.](http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwqavwa7R61r54jaao1_400.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![cmyk](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cmyk/32/3353_2.png) [@cmyk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cmyk)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/57 "2012-10-16T06:23:32Z")
Well, it’d be hilarious to teleport the contents of Romney’s large intestines to his mouth, as soon as it’s his turn for a rebuttal. Or I could teleport the Eagle or one of the Apollo lunar rovers from the moon to my garage, and sell it to the highest bidder. ---
**Author:** ![eschereal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eschereal/32/18939_2.png) [@eschereal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eschereal)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/58 "2012-10-16T07:19:16Z")
The really important question is whether teleportation devices would have any uses that do not involve fucking with people. I mean, absent the capacity for mischief, who would even bother to invent one? ---
**Author:** ![Engineer\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc29f/32.png) [@Engineer\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engineer_Dude)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/59 "2012-10-16T13:33:31Z")
At the next sold out NFL football game, teleport the football to myself just before kickoff. As in, right before the player’s foot hits the ball. ---
**Author:** ![Szlater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/90ced4/32.png) [@Szlater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Szlater)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2012, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644/60 "2012-10-16T13:44:22Z")
> [@Engineer\_Dude](#): > > At the next sold out NFL football game, teleport the football to myself just before kickoff. As in, right before the player’s foot hits the ball. Good grief! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/screwing-up-the-world-with-a-teleporter/637644.md?page=4)