# Scylla: Keep Your Personal Vendettas Out of Dopefests **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 10, 2007, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458 "2007-04-10T10:30:11Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/1 "2007-04-10T10:30:11Z")
See generally [here](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=415013&page=3). I have offered to meet you at a time and place more convenient to me. But I’ll be damned if I’m going to drive two hours to a _party_, having no idea if you’re going to be following me around and talking at me, or what, the whole time. @71: > [@](#): > > Put it another way. I would bet you that at Gettysdope you will not walk up to me and start calling me “dipshit,” any more than I would you, because if you did you would not be able to click and disapear you would be forced to deal with me and the consequences of your words. > > I claim nothing special and am not trying to be a tough guy. I wouldn’t do it to yout there for that same reason. > > So, seeing as I wouldn’t do it there with consequences, if I do it here without them than I am displaying cowardice and immaturity. > > So, based on this kind of thinking I decided that I wasn’t going to call people names. It’s not nice. It’s meaningless and cowardly. > > But maybe I’m mistaken and you will call me a dipshit to my face at Gettysdope. > > Then we’ll see. Me, @96: > [@](#): > > But if you’re at Gettysdope, I frankly won’t have much to say to you, because I don’t keep real and online IDs in separate boxes. If you’re a jerk online, I’ll be cordial but not friendly if we meet IRL. Because I already know a ggood deal about what you’re like, and I don’t have much to say to the RL person that could spawn the online ID I know as Scylla. > > Besides, I’ve already said what I had to say right here. Why should I resurrect the issue some months hence? I was relieved by what **Scylla** said @102: > [@](#): > > What makes think that you can use “raising tensions” or “spoiling everybody else’s party” or “sabatoging Gettysdope” as excuses for cowardice or two-facedness? > > I never said, nor implied, nor suggested that I would be willing to do anything of the kind. It is strictly your invention, and, I guess, your rationalization for your behavior, and I guess it gave further excuse to hurl more bile calling me a “pathetic human being.” > > Let us take Gettysdope completely out of it. You know, to ease your concern for your fellow man. But apparently he didn’t really mean that. @137, he says he was “referring to the hypothetical.” @138: [QUOTE=Scylla] The bottom line is that I will tend to treat you in person as you treat me here. [/QUOTE] And there it is: **Scylla** is perfectly happy to Pit people at a Dopefest, extending his assholishness to a party. @137: > [@](#): > > I think that if you knew that you were going to have to face the person and address your actions to somebody that was actually there than it would no longer be a proxy. It would be real. No, buster. I have offered to meet you at another place and time. Closer to _my_ home, of course, since you’re the one who so desperately wants this confrontation. If you want to confront me, _you_ should be the one having to put up with some inconvenience to do so. But you have no business mixing your vendettas with Dopefests. Period. ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/2 "2007-04-10T10:44:06Z")
Having been to the same Dopefests as you, **RT** , I can safely say that few, if any, people have ever brought a board grudge to the party, and I’ve sure as hell never seen that from you. However, there have been many interesting discussions that break out, but that’ll happen when you have a bunch of Dopers in the same place. Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, and Dopers gotta debate. 😃 Lord knows I’ve had differences with others, but c’mon. We’re all adults, and I like to think we can behave like adults by just avoiding the people we don’t like. Besides, it’s not like Gettysdope is dinner at an intimate restaurant. It’s not. It’s a big honkin’ picnic at a big honkin’ park. There’s lots of room to maneuver. But if **Scylla** isn’t sure about his behavior, maybe he’d best stay home. Robin ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/3 "2007-04-10T12:39:11Z")
RTFirefly: Quit Starting Inane Pit Threads ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/4 "2007-04-10T12:40:12Z")
Oh, grow up. (addressed to **RT** , of course.) Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/5 "2007-04-10T12:50:09Z")
[QUOTE=Shodan] Oh, grow up. (addressed to **RT** , of course.) Regards, Shodan [/QUOTE] I was amused that you realized that you needed to make clear exactly who you felt was being immature. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/6 "2007-04-10T12:51:54Z")
[QUOTE=MsRobyn] Lord knows I’ve had differences with others, but c’mon. We’re all adults, and I like to think we can behave like adults by just avoiding the people we don’t like. [/quote] That would be my intention. But there’s no guarantee that friend **Scylla** will cooperate, and I don’t want to spend an afternoon moving from place to place just because he wants to talk with me more than I want to talk with him. > [@](#): > > But if **Scylla** isn’t sure about his behavior, maybe he’d best stay home. If I can’t be sure of **Scylla** ’s good behavior, **I** ’m going to stay home. I’m not particularly afraid of him, but neither am I looking forward to whatever way he plans to be confrontational. And unlike here, where one can get out of a conversation one is unhappy with by the simple expedient of closing a thread and not reopening it, at Gettysdope, the only guaranteed way to get away from an obnoxious asshole is to make the two-hour drive back home. I’m not going to make a four-hour round trip to have a bad time, or at least a rather noticeable likelihood of one. If **Scylla** wants to have a person-to-person talk, I’ve told him he’s welcome to make the trip down my way, and meet me within a half-hour of my house. Even though I worry about the wisdom of meeting in person with a guy who has made such an obsession about having been called a name here in the Pit, that he wants to schedule a person-to-person chat about it some months hence (when is Gettysdope this year, September?), after an interval long enough that a normal person would have long ago forgotten it. That’s not the behavior of a rational person - that’s the behavior of an obsessed psycho nutcase. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/7 "2007-04-10T12:59:36Z")
[QUOTE=RTFirefly] That’s not the behavior of a rational person - that’s the behavior of an obsessed psycho nutcase. [/QUOTE] I’m thinkin’ that label could also apply to someone who starts a thread just to tell someone else not to mess with him at a public gathering which is months away. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 1:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/8 "2007-04-10T13:07:33Z")
[QUOTE=Hamadryad] I’m thinkin’ that label could also apply to someone who starts a thread just to tell someone else not to mess with him at a public gathering which is months away. [/QUOTE] Why, does it happen all the time that people make it known on the board that they wish to carry a fight from the boards over into a Dopefest? Because it’s a new thing to me, different enough from past practice to bring to the notice of those who might be interested, and this seems like the appropriate forum. ---
**Author:** ![Grossbottom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba8739/32.png) [@Grossbottom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grossbottom)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/9 "2007-04-10T13:17:17Z")
You should rob the school store, then use the ill-gotten proceeds to hire the varsity team quarterback to fight Scylla. But be careful not to get so distracted that you forget to eat lunch, because that isn’t not very smart for someone who’s hypoglycemic. Cobbler? ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/10 "2007-04-10T13:22:16Z")
**RT** , I’m thinking you’re making more of this than there really is, and I’m sure **Scylla** will come in and say roughly the same thing. Starting a Pit thread saying; “Scylla: Keep Your Personal Vendettas Out of Dopefests” is like saying; “Scylla: Let’s Keep Pouring Salt on the Wound 'Till the Next Dopefest”. Strikes me as counter-productive and asshat-ish. You may actually be concerned and sincere, but for some of us it seems like you want to escalate. I think that a private exchange (e-mail) may have been more appropriate since this almost seems like you’re bringing a private matter to the boards at this point. ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/11 "2007-04-10T13:24:46Z")
WT everlovin’ F? **Scylla** posts a lame attempt at satire ( **Scylla** , your ‘scientific consensus is the same as any other’ has already been discussed and, one hopes, you have learned why it is not) and a few people took it as a serious post and got all up on their hind legs over it. Now it’s come to this? I read the other Pit thread. **Scylla** , if you used to be rude and insulting on the board but did not behave that way in person, then you have no leg to stand on in claiming that **RT** should be rude and insulting in person if he’s being so online. **RT** , you are taking everything said way too far. I’m thinking you’re still furious because you fell for the bait. Chill. This is ridiculous. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/12 "2007-04-10T14:22:11Z")
I don’t think it’s a good thing for posters to seek FTF confrontations with other posters over things said on the Dope, but I was willing to give **Scylla** that satisfaction. Just not at an occasion that’s supposed to be, you know, _fun_ for people. I’m upset that he’s planning to seek me out there and confront me in some unspecified manner, and yeah, I’m Pitting him over it. Maybe that’s overreacting, but I’ve never experienced a situation quite like this before, so let’s just say I don’t have much to go on there. ---
**Author:** ![Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/c4cdca/32.png) [@Quiddity\_Glomfuster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quiddity_Glomfuster)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/13 "2007-04-10T14:42:48Z")
> [@](#): > > Maybe that’s overreacting, but I’ve never experienced a situation quite like this before, so let’s just say I don’t have much to go on there. Well if Mr. Kettle freely admits to being obstreperous in the past, then he has no right to be commenting upon your colour now, Mr. Pot. You both need to agree that no matter what venom you spill on your screens, you will pretend you’re sweet and charming IRL. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/14 "2007-04-10T14:54:37Z")
Dude. You’ve been stewing over something that I’m sure everyone else has forgotten _for SIX DAYS._ You brought it BACK UP even though the source of your apprehension is MONTHS away. I think the only person who is taking this seriously is you. I mean, I’ve been on this board for a while and I don’t even remember who agrees with me or doesn’t in other Pit threads or ANY other threads. I’ve had perfectly reasonable debates with people or backed up perfectly reasonable points made by others, all the while blissfully unaware that they were the same evil, uneducated, obviously mentally deficient, lead-paint-eating, baby-fucking stalker bastard who had the temerity to call me a fuckwit in another thread. You have seriously got to chill out. It’s getting to the point where [Mr. heckles from “Friends” is going to Pit YOU for stealing his gimmick.](http://friends.tktv.net/Episodes2/summaries/3.html) ---
**Author:** ![Ogre](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/ecb155/32.png) [@Ogre](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ogre)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/15 "2007-04-10T15:03:23Z")
This is one of the many reasons I doubt I’ll ever go to a Doper gathering again. Not that I had bad experiences, but trying to keep up with grudges, etc. is too much freaking work. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/16 "2007-04-10T15:09:10Z")
[QUOTE=RTFirefly] I’m upset that he’s planning to seek me out there and confront me in some unspecified manner, and yeah, I’m Pitting him over it. [/QUOTE] If you don’t want to be confronted, then quit baiting him. Two Pit Threads with Scylla’s name on them is at least one too many. You’re starting to look obsessed, both with Scylla and this future DopeFest. Stop it. ---
**Author:** ![Hamadryad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6de8d8/32.png) [@Hamadryad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamadryad)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/17 "2007-04-10T15:15:04Z")
[QUOTE=PunditLisa] If you don’t want to be confronted, then quit baiting him. Two Pit Threads with Scylla’s name on them is at least one too many. You’re starting to look obsessed, both with Scylla and this future DopeFest. Stop it. [/QUOTE] “Starting?” ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/18 "2007-04-10T15:17:09Z")
[QUOTE=RTFirefly] I don’t think it’s a good thing for posters to seek FTF confrontations with other posters over things said on the Dope, but I was willing to give **Scylla** that satisfaction. [/quote] AFAICT, **Scylla** was not looking “for satisfaction” or a “confrontation” so much as pointing out that if you call people awful things on the message board (like, oh, I don’t know, “obsessed psycho nutcase”), they do not have to – indeed, may not be able to – forget that you said that when they meet you IRL. Does that mean they’ll poke you in the snoot? No. But it will certainly color how they interact with you, or if they interact with you at all. Certainly this is true for me. I’ve never met a Doper IRL but there is a very short list of people to whom I would not choose to talk if we met at a social occasion like a Dopefest. ISTM that all that is called for is for the two of you to behave like adults. You don’t have to meet each other; if you do you don’t have to shake hands. What would seem to be in order is simple civil acknowledgement of each other’s existence followed by intentionally socializing with other people for the duration of the event. If you are afraid that YOU have been such an asshole HERE that **Scylla** will not be able to forgive it or overlook it, then maybe you shouldn’t go to the gathering until you’ve made things at least as minimally right as they would need to be for the two of you to pass an afternoon in the same park together. If you’re comfortable with how you’ve acted here, then you should be comfortable attending there. You have to decide if you want to go or not. You can’t tell him he can’t go. You can’t make his attendance contingent on him give you assurances as to his behavior. What you _can_ do is go, act like a grown-up, and assume he’ll do the same. Staying the hell away from him would be an excellent first step, and it sounds from **Robin’s** post like that shouldn’t be hard. But make no mistake: The person making a big deal about this and creating an issue for Gettydope is _you_, not him. If you go to Gettydope only to be faced with the rapt attention of dozens of other Dopers waiting breathlessly for you and **Scylla** to duke it out, it will be your own damn fault. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Moto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/9de0a6/32.png) [@Mr.Moto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Moto)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/19 "2007-04-10T15:25:30Z")
**RTFirefly** , seriously, you really need to take a deep breath and chill out. This is a message board. It is a good one, full of nice people, but beyond that not anything worth all of this anxiety. I met you at a little mini-Dopefest once, at a Taqueria Poblano in Arlington. I had a very nice conversation with you and your wife and assorted other Dopers. This was way before your conversations with me here took a rather unpleasant personal tone, and I don’t really know if I’d enjoy your company in future meetings quite as much as I did that night. I find that a shame, actually, but it is the truth. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2007, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458/20 "2007-04-10T15:45:35Z")
[QUOTE=Happy Scrappy Hero Pup] Dude. You’ve been stewing over something that I’m sure everyone else has forgotten _for SIX DAYS._ [/quote] Funny, I first read about it _this morning_. It’s tough to forget something before it happens. > [@](#): > > You brought it BACK UP even though the source of your apprehension is MONTHS away. I brought it _back up_ because **Scylla** _just now_ contradicted his apparent earlier willingness to not make GettysDope the scene of a confrontation. I’m not reaching back in time here, and bringing up old garbage. > [@](#): > > I think the only person who is taking this seriously is you. > > I mean, I’ve been on this board for a while and I don’t even remember who agrees with me or doesn’t in other Pit threads or ANY other threads. I’ve had perfectly reasonable debates with people or backed up perfectly reasonable points made by others, all the while blissfully unaware that they were the same evil, uneducated, obviously mentally deficient, lead-paint-eating, baby-fucking stalker bastard who had the temerity to call me a fuckwit in another thread. And how many of them insisted on having it out with YOU at a party you had planned to attend? I mean, I may be wrong here, but comparing likes with likes would advance the discussion. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/scylla-keep-your-personal-vendettas-out-of-dopefests/399458.md?page=2)