# SDMB All-Out Musicians' Brawl **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 3, 2000, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989 "2000-08-03T14:57:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/41 "2000-08-03T20:05:21Z")
OK, let me try to rephrase that. Come back when you’re prepared not to take this thread (or yourself) so seriously. ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/42 "2000-08-03T20:07:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by iampunha \* > **Hello, friend, did you not see where I wrote "I can drum"** …or when you learn to play something. Whichever comes first. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/43 "2000-08-03T20:09:12Z")
Cat Fight! Cat Fight! Which, coincidentally, must be what two fiddles, a mandolin and a banjo must sound like. ---
**Author:** ![pldennison](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9fc29f/32.png) [@pldennison](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pldennison)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/44 "2000-08-03T20:23:03Z")
> [@](#): > > Fine, I’ll just whip out my Fender Precision 4-string Electric Bass guitar. Turn the volume way up on the amp, and pump out some eclectic grooves to win this brawl. A P-bass? A **P-bass**? Dude, I have a Rickenbacker 4001 here which, considering its heft, could take your head off if swung correctly! \>\>THWACK!!\<\< ---
**Author:** ![ChrisP\_One\_Kenobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e19b73/32.png) [@ChrisP\_One\_Kenobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChrisP_One_Kenobe)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/45 "2000-08-03T20:35:24Z")
You know how flute and clarinet players can park in handicapped parking spaces? They just put their instrument on the dash. heehee :: ducks and runs :: ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/46 "2000-08-03T20:54:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Olentzero \* > \*\*I notice there don’t seem to be any viola players in here. Typical; they’re probably all on the other side of the door 'cos they don’t know an entrance when they see one. \*\* Those viola players are off suffering identity crisises because they can never remember what the name of their instrument is. Is it veye-O-la? vee-O-la? VEE-o-la? How about “I play the ‘I really wanted to play the violin but I suck so bad I couldn’t even make last chair, so they stuck me in the back’ instrument”? (Once someone tells me it’s a brawl, I’m in till I’m the only one standing.) 😛 ---
**Author:** ![JuanDeCuba](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a87d85/32.png) [@JuanDeCuba](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JuanDeCuba)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/47 "2000-08-03T22:13:30Z")
Am I the only trumpet in here? Ay caramba. How do you get two flutes to play in tune? Shoot one. ---
**Author:** ![Silo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ac91a4/32.png) [@Silo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silo)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/48 "2000-08-03T22:32:12Z")
:Takes guitar and smashes it over Olentzero’s head: :WOW, still in tune!: ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/49 "2000-08-03T22:41:28Z")
Awright, LET’S GET IT ON!!! **Olentzero** , since you started this whole thing way back in the conductor thread, I’m going for you first. Take that, string boy! ::whacks Olent across the chops with a rawhide chime mallet:: Keep the damn tempo! Oh, and I play piano, too, to after I’m through rearranging your face with my drumsticks, I’m gonna throttle your pencil neck with my arpeggio-strengthened fingers. ::rolls a Keith Moon riff off Olentzero’s skull:: _ **PERCUSSIOOOOOOOON!!!** _ ::turns to Ukelele Ike:: You’re next, horn boy! You’ll have a double reed for a lower lip by the time I get through with you! ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/50 "2000-08-03T22:47:03Z")
{deftly slips into a 1920-vintage BBb Conn Sousaphone} Come at me, pal! Show me what you got! {ducks gracefully, glancing the huge brass bell off **DAVE’s** skull with a satisfying BONG while he’s still well over an arm’s length away, then briskly swings into the bass part of “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida.” } ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 10:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/51 "2000-08-03T22:50:39Z")
Playing Iron Butterfly on a brass instrument! Heretic! ::pelts Ike with finger cymbals and Latin percussion instruments:: ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/52 "2000-08-03T22:57:05Z")
Trombonist. For _seven looong years_ I played that thing. I think it’s the reason why I’m clinically depressed. It’s also probably the reason why I’ve been told I am (ahem) really good with my lips. :::Persephone whips out her Recording Olds, snags Ike’s ankle, jerks him on to his fanny::: Oh yeah, I’m _married_ to a lead guitar player. :::glares evilly at all the guitar players in the house::: You wanna piece o’ me? Huh? C’mon! I live with this crap day in & day out! My kids are inheriting the music gene! My life is a musical nightmare! :::grabs guitar closest to hand & starts to swing at Dave::: Whoops. Not the '35 Martin. :::looks for another guitar, finds husband’s Tele copy, brains Dave::: Wow! I feel sooooo much better! ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/53 "2000-08-03T23:19:39Z")
::rubs knot on head where Persephone conked him:: It’s because I ate the last wing in the other thread isn’t it? Sorry. Damn, that hurt. ::wings a Zildian 18" crash cymbal like a Frisbee at Persephone:: Catch this, slide wench! ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/54 "2000-08-03T23:30:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by missbunny \* > Double-ha! HA HA HA!!! I spit on your “I am an elephant in heat” instruments! I throw both you and your hellish noisemakers in the case of my upright grand and then I nail down the lid! And then I play some of Rachmaninoff’s loud, thundering chords! And I do not stop, ever!!! > > Now wacky and I are going to go make some REAL music. **sniff** \*\* ::placing bell of susaphone over missbunny’s head:: ::plays very loud:: ::smashes upright grand with spare tuba:: ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [August 3, 2000, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/55 "2000-08-03T23:59:49Z")
:::leaps & catches cymbal in mid-air, chews it up::: Ptui! I forgot how much I hate the taste of brass! :::quickly lassoos Dave with a tied together set of Dean Markleys::: Hahaha! Now I torture you with my lack of talent! :::begins puffing worst-ever version of “Michael Row the Boat Ashore” on a Huang C-harp::: ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/56 "2000-08-04T00:03:44Z")
_sneaks into room, and jabs Myrr with her violin bow_ ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/57 "2000-08-04T00:08:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AudreyK \* > \*\*_sneaks into room, and jabs Myrr with her violin bow_ \*\* Owww, quit it! ::plays low B-flat very loudly while flailing arms about it vaugue attempt at self-defence:: ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/58 "2000-08-04T00:14:29Z")
::plays grating, banshee-shriek-like note she learned while onstage:: Cover your ears, Myrr, before they POP! BUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/59 "2000-08-04T00:17:53Z")
::struggles to free himself from Persephone’s Markley’s:: Must…get…snare… ::manages to roll the snare drum into his arms:: Eat Ludwigs, you tone-deaf harpy! ::smashes snare drum over Persephone’s head, making her look like she’s wearing a Shakespeare ruffled collar:: Help me, somebody, the Dean Markleys are cutting off the circulation to my hi-hat foot! ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/60 "2000-08-04T00:21:24Z")
::covers ears, and moves on up to an F, for variety’s sake:: Fortunately, I don’t need my hands to play these notes… ::chases Audrey with bell of susaphone blaring:: ha HA! Fear my wrath! (or at least don’t stab me again…please?) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989.md?page=4)