# SDMB All-Out Musicians' Brawl **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 3, 2000, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989 "2000-08-03T14:57:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/81 "2000-08-04T02:50:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AudreyK \* > \*\* ::thinking fast, Audrey stuffs Hamburger Helper down Myrr’s tuba:: \*\* ::turns to face assorted guitarists, blows really hard:: hee hee, that’ll learn em! 😃 Durn it, where’d she sneak off to this time? ::looks around in confusion:: ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/82 "2000-08-04T02:59:23Z")
I think Sakura just drowned in Cheeseburger Macaroni. And she was just about to start her Torme routine. ::sigh:: Oh well. Jack, let’s dig in! ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/83 "2000-08-04T03:24:33Z")
Hey, tag-team with Myrr21 here… **swings his sousaphone onto his shoulder** Don’t make me Rain Chant! Oh, and Audrey, I’d never dream of pushing you over… But I just mght accidentally turn around too fast and knock you over. Great thing about the big horn, ya know? ---
**Author:** ![aschrott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/aca169/32.png) [@aschrott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aschrott)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/84 "2000-08-04T03:47:06Z")
[menacing gleam in eye] **arrives, warms up bass-baritone pipes…sings opera at the top of his lungs, sending anime-style destructo sound waves that blast all of the lame-o instrumentalists out of the room, while still saving enough breath for a haughty laugh** That’s right–singer’s rule. We RULE. **RUUUUUUUUUULE** - **Saxophone?** Please–the bastard wind instrument–can’t even decide what family it’s from. Half brass, half woodwind. It’s about as ugly as a great dane - chihuahua mix. - **Guitar?** For those of you who can actually play something, bravo–sit in a room and don’t bother anybody. But you electric rock jocks don’t seem to think of much except turning it up to eleven on the amp. Useless. Oh…and learn at least ONE new chord. Please. -String players? Sissies. “oh, I have to fill my violin humidifier or else it’ll dry out and crack”, “oh, I need more rosin for my bow, boo hoo”, “I have an ugly hickey on my neck from pressing this silly wooden box into my chin all day trying to learn one silly orchestral excerpt”… -Clarinet players? Can you say Star Trek Convention and Mac devotees? [/menacing gleam] Wow. I didn’t know I had it in me. [back to menacing]… bring it on!!! ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 3:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/85 "2000-08-04T03:49:21Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Myrr21 \* \*\* > [@](#): > > :: placing bell of susaphone over missbunny’s head :: > > :: plays very loud:: > > :: smashes upright grand with spare tuba:: \*\* WTF?? My head has been reverberating since 7:30 PM. And now I realize there wasn’t a power blackout after all. Hey Myrr, how you gonna play those duck-quack wannabes when your fingers are all swollen up? (big, heavy piano lid “accidentally” falls on Myrr’s hands) ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/86 "2000-08-04T04:46:10Z")
Chronos: don’t you dare knock Audrey over; you may play the right instrument, but that’d be askin for it. And how are you going to play with a broken piano ::smashes missbunny’s piano to smithereens:: Plays B-flat again, loudly (no fingers needed for that one). ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 4:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/87 "2000-08-04T04:52:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Chronos \* > \*\*Oh, and Audrey, I’d never dream of pushing you over… But I just mght accidentally turn around too fast and knock you over. Great thing about the big horn, ya know? \*\* You horny guys! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/88 "2000-08-04T04:56:43Z")
We sure are! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Cy\_Coe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4da419/32.png) [@Cy\_Coe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cy_Coe)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 5:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/89 "2000-08-04T05:52:44Z")
While aschrott is badmouthing those who play instruments and praising singers, Cy Coe sneaks up and firmly implants a reed right below the shoulder blade. Also, he creates a nice no-friction zone courtesy of key oil and cork grease. ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/90 "2000-08-04T11:42:59Z")
::kicks aschrott where it will make him sing soprano:: That’s for dissing the instrumentalists, Pava-freakin’-_rotti!!_ ---
**Author:** ![Sakura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Sakura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sakura)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/91 "2000-08-04T12:09:39Z")
::Digs herself out of the Cheeseburger Macaroni, narrowly avoiding Audrey’s & Jack’s forks:: Not my time! Just so all know, I was annoying \* myself\* by singing the dreaded Britney. I knew it’d start something. So instead, heeeeeereeee’sssss Mel! Zweebi dob dob daba daba zonka bree-ap schweee-do! ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/92 "2000-08-04T12:15:38Z")
**Myrr, resurrecting her was a mistake.** 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Sakura](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/898d66/32.png) [@Sakura](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sakura)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/93 "2000-08-04T12:23:28Z")
Blame Dave - he’s the one who told me to do Mel. You can go beat \* him \* up & I’ll sing scat in my corner. ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/94 "2000-08-04T12:57:50Z")
Sheesh, if you don’t like her Mel Torme, you should hear her sing Frank Zappa. ::runs from all the menacing musicians advancing on him:: ---
**Author:** ![Myrr21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e495f1/32.png) [@Myrr21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Myrr21)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/95 "2000-08-04T13:06:49Z")
Well it wasn’t \* my \* idea to resurrect her–I was just taking orders. Humph! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![DAVEW0071](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e19b73/32.png) [@DAVEW0071](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DAVEW0071)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/96 "2000-08-04T13:10:34Z")
Hey, has anyone seen **Olentzero** lately? He started this whole thing and then slunk away like the craven string player he is. ---
**Author:** ![Ukulele\_Ike](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/df788c/32.png) [@Ukulele\_Ike](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ukulele_Ike)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/97 "2000-08-04T14:21:51Z")
Hey! Before you disrespect **Frank Zappa,** go listen to his 1972 all-instrumental jazz-based concept album, THE GRAND WAZOO. He was into the whole horn-players vs. string-players idea 28 years before we took it up! He didn’t mention anything about the percussion section, though. Some things just go below the radar of the true visionary. ---
**Author:** ![missbunny](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/76d3ee/32.png) [@missbunny](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/missbunny)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/98 "2000-08-04T14:45:35Z")
I guess Myrr has trounced me. It’s okay, I mean my piano was only given to me by my poor beloved grandmother - _sniffle_ - who got it from her mother - _sniffle sniffle_ - who brought it as her sole possession from the Old Country - _watering eyes_ - before she froze to death in her 7th floor tenement walk-up - _tear_ - leaving her poor husband and 12 starving children all alone - with only that piano as a remembrance - but that’s okay, I’ll just go find a washtub or something to play - **BAAWWWWWLLLLL** ---
**Author:** ![Olentzero](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/90ced4/32.png) [@Olentzero](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Olentzero)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/99 "2000-08-04T15:15:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by DAVEW0071 \* > \*\*Hey, has anyone seen **Olentzero** lately? He started this whole thing and then slunk away like the craven string player he is. \*\* _grabs **DaveW0071** by the throat, forces his mouth open, and threads his nasal passages with a couple Domninant brasscore nickelwound G-strings_ Listen, ya two-stick, no-brain goofball, _ **somebody** _ decided it would be a good idea to render me unconscious with a well-placed blow to the cranium with a guitar… _tying the ends coming out of **DAVE** ’s mouth around and behind his ears, and putting tuning pegs on the ends coming out of his nose, winding 'em up **hard** _ …and besides, I post from work. I got family priorities, you know! _taking a bow, cramming it in the only remaining available orifice of proper size, and demonstrating proper double-stop technique_ Check it out, folks! The only drummer in the world capable of carrying a tune. Give him a hand, folks! ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [August 4, 2000, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989/100 "2000-08-04T15:19:34Z")
Sqrl! Yes I put steel strings on my classical! AND IT HAS SCARS FROM THE PICKUP I PUT IN ONCE! MUwhwhahahaha [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-all-out-musicians-brawl/27989.md?page=6)