# SDMB, give me strenght ´cause I´m fessing up to her... **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 16, 2004, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419 "2004-07-16T14:56:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/1 "2004-07-16T14:56:15Z")
At this moment I´m writting to a friend I´ve known for the last 3 years how much I´d like to take our relationship to the next level, my insecurity is tearing me appart and head is spinning. I´d be hearthborke if this letter backfires and I end up loosing such a good friend, but I can´t hold it anymore, I´ve got to tell her and be done with it. Now, to make this a bit interactive, how do you come around taking the leap of faith needed to take friendship to love? ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/2 "2004-07-16T15:05:43Z")
First of all, declarations of this sort should really be done in person, not in a letter. Secondly, have you made any physical advances that have been well received? I’ve just had a relationship end where my physical contact was not reciprocated, a sure sign that the other person is just not interested…and I’m talking something as simple as a touch on the arm, a peck on the cheek…not groping! Third, good luck. Leaps of faith are often rewarded. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/3 "2004-07-16T15:10:00Z")
ACK, I hit submit… _alea jacta est_ I´d would have wanted to say this in person, but both of us have horribly busy agendas; we don´t see each other very often. My insecurity stems for the mixed signals I´m getting from her, one day she hints me towards a relationship, other days she seems to keep her distance. I can´t stand going around any longer; so I take my chance here and now. I´m even crossing my toes at this momtent. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Binarydrone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Binarydrone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Binarydrone)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/4 "2004-07-16T15:35:17Z")
I have mentioned this bit of wisdom in other threads, but I really think that it is worth repeating. As my grandmother lay on her deathbed, succumbing to cancer, she passed on some very important wisdom to me that informs most of the choices that I make. What she told me was that when you are dying, and you look back on your life, it is not the things that you tried and failed at that you regret. It is the things that you never tried. In other words, go for it. The worst that could happen is that you are rejected. Contrast that with the best that can happen. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [July 16, 2004, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/5 "2004-07-16T15:55:54Z")
> [@Binarydrone](#): > > I have mentioned this bit of wisdom in other threads, but I really think that it is worth repeating. As my grandmother lay on her deathbed, succumbing to cancer, she passed on some very important wisdom to me that informs most of the choices that I make. What she told me was that when you are dying, and you look back on your life, it is not the things that you tried and failed at that you regret. It is the things that you never tried. In other words, go for it. The worst that could happen is that you are rejected. Contrast that with the best that can happen. 🙂 Exactly what I expressed in a part of my letter, that I rather regret things that I´ve said that regret I´ve never said them. ---
**Author:** ![Burrido](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3be4f8/32.png) [@Burrido](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Burrido)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/6 "2004-07-17T00:10:07Z")
_Shooting positive rays towards you_ Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![look\_ninjas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@look\_ninjas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/look_ninjas)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/7 "2004-07-17T02:27:37Z")
Go for it, my man. Best of luck to you. ---
**Author:** ![JimSox5](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b5a626/32.png) [@JimSox5](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JimSox5)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 2:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/8 "2004-07-17T02:38:50Z")
I had a situation very similar to this. I happened a little more spontaneously over AOL, but, well, two years later, we’re still together and very, very happy. Go get her, tiger 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/9 "2004-07-17T02:51:30Z")
Go for it! Best of luck and all that. Drone’s Gramma was right. You ALWAYS regret what if’s. ---
**Author:** ![Silentgoldfish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e36b37/32.png) [@Silentgoldfish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silentgoldfish)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/10 "2004-07-17T03:02:43Z")
You do realise you now have a duty to report back what her answer is, for better or for worse. No disappearing! _shooting my 1920’s style good luck ray at you_ ---
**Author:** ![John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/2bfe46/32.png) [@John\_Carter\_of\_Mars](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Carter_of_Mars)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/11 "2004-07-17T03:15:19Z")
_"I´d would have wanted to say this in person, but both of us have horribly busy agendas; we don´t see each other very often._" Dude, re-examine your priorities. _MAKE_ a time and opportunity to do this in person, not by letter. Hint: If she does like the idea, you seriously want to be there when she gets your message… 😉 Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/12 "2004-07-17T03:43:37Z")
Wow, I know how scary and yet exhilarating it can be to have this kind of talk with someone. Good luck, man. No matter how it turns out, you definitely deserve some respect for having the courage to do this. ---
**Author:** ![SandyHook](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@SandyHook](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SandyHook)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/13 "2004-07-17T03:46:11Z")
**WHAT JOHN CARTER SAID!!!** If you can’t take the time to go look her in the face with this. . . . I gotta wonder. It has been my experience that when you have something difficult to say, the best thing to do is just say it. Don’t waffle, hint, or beat around the bush, just do it. But the thing is, you have to go to her. I wish you all the luck in the world. ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/14 "2004-07-17T03:50:36Z")
> [@Silentgoldfish](#): > > You do realise you now have a duty to report back what her answer is, for better or for worse. No disappearing! > > _shooting my 1920’s style good luck ray at you_ Well, of course, for good or bad I´ll report back. **JCoM** Yes, I would have prefered to say it in person; I would have stuttered, babbled and fumbled like a drooling idiot, but still… 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Albert\_Rose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9de053/32.png) [@Albert\_Rose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Albert_Rose)\ **Post date:** [July 17, 2004, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/15 "2004-07-17T03:52:36Z")
> [@Ale](#): > > …Yes, I would have prefered to say it in person; I would have stuttered, babbled and fumbled like a drooling idiot, but still… 🙂 That makes it better. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![Ale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Ale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ale)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2004, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/16 "2004-07-18T01:20:56Z")
No reply so far… =S ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2004, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/17 "2004-07-18T01:24:20Z")
> [@Ale](#): > > No reply so far… =S Even if one is overjoyed by such a revelation, sometimes the object of affection needs time to figure out how they feel and what to say. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2004, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/18 "2004-07-18T01:41:33Z")
You did run spell check before you sent it, didn’t you? ---
**Author:** ![AngelicGemma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/439d5e/32.png) [@AngelicGemma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AngelicGemma)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2004, 6:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/19 "2004-07-18T18:12:04Z")
Hope it works out for you. But I _really_ think you should have told her in person. I hate it when guys ask me out via letters, their friend, or even msn. Just to let you know it can work out though. I was friends with my boyfriend for a few years before we became a couple. We have now been together over a year. ---
**Author:** ![Fiona\_Orange](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7feea3/32.png) [@Fiona\_Orange](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fiona_Orange)\ **Post date:** [July 18, 2004, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419/20 "2004-07-18T19:23:17Z")
You _do_ mean postal mail, and not e-mail right? Because e-mail is so tacky. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-give-me-strenght-cause-i-m-fessing-up-to-her/255419.md?page=2)