# SDMB Presidential Debates - Invitations to Candidates **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 10, 2000, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422 "2000-10-10T16:01:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2000, 9:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/21 "2000-10-11T09:38:38Z")
> [@](#): > > Sheee-it. Where the hell are the rest of the candidates? My apologies for my tardiness, Mr. Beer (and, may I remind you, that you are starring in my creation, [The SDMB Comic Book](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=40703)? Just thought you’d like to know). I, for one, accept the challenge, and issue this query to my other honorable (and those that may not be so honorable, be there any) opponents: Will we go with negative ad campaigns? (If so, I believe they should all be reserved to the Pit, and the standard SDMB rules, especially those of repeat/cross posting, will apply). And in response to **Tripler** … > [@](#): > > Are we going to limit the number of questions, or are we going until all but one drop from exhaustion? If we’re going to just go at it until we’re exhausted, we might as well settle this in the ring with the WWF. I would suggest no more than a dozen questions (dozen being a fun word to say), though I’d prefer to keep it about half that in order to prevent clutter from arising. Also, I propose that we discourage the usage of cheesy catch phrases like “fuzzy math”. However, phrases like “code blue” are cool (according to Bill Watterson). Anyway… bring on the debates! And I think Tripler was referring to me when he said that someone prefers the later hours. ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2000, 10:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/22 "2000-10-11T10:12:44Z")
Mr. Fate, Immigrants in favour of Deportation magazine bi-monthly. what are the candidates proposed solutions for the removal of shameless flirting hijacks? ---
**Author:** ![woolly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ebca7d/32.png) [@woolly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/woolly)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2000, 11:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/23 "2000-10-11T11:23:01Z")
Mr Moderator; (genuflects then turns to the candidates) [adapts deferential tone] SDMB has been fighting ignorance since 1973 and the US faces a situation of either Big Al or Bubya becoming its venerable leader. To what extent would you accept personal responsibility for this? Do you consider this an example of “cause and effect” or a plain case of “shit happens”? As a supplementary, would the candidates give an undertaking on whether they would be prepared to offer afficionados, for an appropriate tariff, the right to spend a night on the Cecil Adams couch to supplement their campaign funds? [/adapts deferential tone] (returns to chair, takes out notepad, begins to doodle) ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2000, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/24 "2000-10-11T14:10:55Z")
Okay, well, I think we have a problem. I…er…haven’t seen steeljaw around in a while. I’m gonna post a thread looking for him, but if he doesn’t show up by tomorrow, we may have to take drastic action. As his vp candidate, though, if he doesn’t show up, I’ll be happy to represent the “I wanna live in a big-ass house” party in the debate, and the race. If he doesn’t show, just consider the tickets flipped. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2000, 2:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/25 "2000-10-11T14:53:07Z")
:::Arriving Late, taking seat::: Mr. Beer, I apologize for being late, but I was busy raising campaign funds on the White House Front Lawn.::::: I shall adress Mr. Sofa King ( Any relation to Stephen King?) on the important subject of \*When you share your bed with your SO, who sleeps in the wet spot? \* The Dog. ( Who is not my significant other.) ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2000, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/26 "2000-10-11T14:57:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mullinator \* > \*\*How often does each candidate exercise the old “pocket veto” if you know what I mean. \*\* Sir, I have never exercized in my life, as my waist line will attest to that. Next question, please. ---
**Author:** ![iampunha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/74df32/32.png) [@iampunha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iampunha)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2000, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/27 "2000-10-11T15:05:59Z")
Sir Mr. UncleBeer, esq., I wish to announce my candidacy on behalf of the “abolish shirts forever!” party. I promise to do away with monkeysuits and nooses (suits and ties) and furthermore to prohibit the use of anything covering the chest and/or upper body of an attractive man/male person. I also promise to pass legislation prohibiting attractive females from wearing shirts, as it interferes with their ability to tan. A picture of me demonstrating my campaign promise is obtainable [here](http://www.angelfire.com/va2/iampunha1/paddynoshirt.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2000, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/28 "2000-10-11T15:35:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jester \* > \*\*Okay, well, I think we have a problem. I…er…haven’t seen steeljaw around in a while. I’m gonna post a thread looking for him, but if he doesn’t show up by tomorrow, we may have to take drastic action. > > As his vp candidate, though, if he doesn’t show up, I’ll be happy to represent the “I wanna live in a big-ass house” party in the debate, and the race. If he doesn’t show, just consider the tickets flipped. \*\* Maybe steeljaw went the way of Vince Foster… Hey, I had nothing to do with that either!( Note to self: Work on alibi) Resurrect the Dead Chipmunk. ( Or would that be Re-Animate hime?) ---
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2000, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/29 "2000-10-11T15:40:06Z")
Okay, well, he still hasn’t showed, and I have to leave soon, so, unless he climbs out of the river that I dumped him i…errr…turns up, consider the tickets officially flipped, meaning that everybody’s ol buddy **Jester** will be takin his place! \ Vote Jester! Cause who really gives a fuck? ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2000, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/30 "2000-10-11T17:41:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > > And in response to **Tripler** … > > > [@](#): > > > > Are we going to limit the number of questions, or are we going until all but one drop from exhaustion? > > If we’re going to just go at it until we’re exhausted, we might as well settle this in the ring with the WWF. I would suggest no more than a dozen questions (dozen being a fun word to say), though I’d prefer to keep it about half that in order to prevent clutter from arising.\*\* I’d agree to that. Say 7 or 8? Keeps the chatter down, and lets us focus on the _really important_ questions on Doper’s minds. Bring it on. . . Tripler The second so far and only really-motivated guy to win. Vote Damn Good Third Choice!! ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2000, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/31 "2000-10-11T22:39:19Z")
Sounds good. I also suggest that all candidates taking part in the debates have the eventually-created debate thread set to E-mail them whenever someone replies to it. And Shirley… no responding to the questions 'til the debates! These here are only suggestions for questions that will be asked during the debates. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/32 "2000-10-12T00:29:02Z")
Spoofe: E-mail, good call. Also, when is our “Election Day”? And shall we have running polls in another thread? Tripler It’s all about the numbers, baby. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/33 "2000-10-12T02:22:14Z")
Sorry, my hearing aid was turned off. ---
**Author:** ![MysterEcks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f475e1/32.png) [@MysterEcks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysterEcks)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/34 "2000-10-12T04:05:15Z")
**Mr. iampunha** : Will you extend this proposed “no shirts” legislation to women? And, if not, how do you justify such gender-based legislation? **Ms. Ujest** : As a former member of the Dead Chipmunk campaign team, it is my sad duty to inform everyone that the candidate is no longer available to hold office. Alas, maggots ate him. This leads to this question–what is your position on maggot control, and should this be a federal or state issue? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/35 "2000-10-12T06:20:12Z")
I further propose that all candidates in the debates follow a strict dress code… nudity only. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![UncleBeer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/977dab/32.png) [@UncleBeer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleBeer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/36 "2000-10-12T15:54:00Z")
So, how many candidates do we have now? [list=1] [li]Shirley Ujest[/li][li]Jester, sitting in for steeljaw[/li][li]Tripler[/li][li]Spoofe Bo Diddly[/li][li]iampuhna[/li][li]and dpr[/li][/list=1] Is that it? It also seems we have a movement underway to limit the number of questions to the candidates. That seems fair. How about ten? Is that acceptable to everyone? I’d also like, at this time, to ask everyone to speak loudly. Apparently Shirley has a malfunctioning hearing aid. Shirley, do you know about [ear-candling](http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a5_098.html)? ---
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 4:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/37 "2000-10-12T16:17:44Z")
I thought this might be a cool place to let everyone know that I want to run for VP. I’d be a really cool addition to any ticket. For an example of my ability to implement wide-ranging, paradigm-shifting, world-changing policies, please read my manifesto on Ramen noodles in [this thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=41937) I’d run for president, but I think the VP slot would more effectively allow me to accomplish my goal of simply coming up with great ideas, but not really doing anything. ---
**Author:** ![Persephone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@Persephone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Persephone)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/38 "2000-10-12T17:39:12Z")
My question to the esteemed candidates: What, in your opinion, is a fair price for use of the Lincoln Bedroom, and would you charge extra if any of your (ahem) “friends” did the Wild Thing in it? ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/39 "2000-10-12T20:15:37Z")
I would formally like to claim THespos as my running mate, or at least my Minister of Ramen Noodle For Everyone Department. To save time ( and to bump this up) here is one of the finest rambles on a subject near and dear to my heart and waistline, the Ramen Noodle: nstant rules. I don’t know what “fresh Ramen” is, but I’m sure it doesn’t cost 5/$1. I went to the supermarket last night and there are so many new flavors! I am so completely jealous of those who are in college right now (KHespos, mylittle sister included). You can’t fully appreciate Ramen Pride until you spend your last two dollars on Monday to buy Ramen that will feed you until Friday. Here’s my big philosophical question of the day… Why can’t we end world hunger with Ramen noodles? A brick of Ramen: 1. Costs next to nothing 2. Is very portable and nearly unbreakable 3. Is easy to prepare 4. Comes in a variety of flavors and is very yummy This is my plan: - We need to build a worldwide infrastructure that allows us to distribute Ramen noodles anywhere in the world in a fairly quick manner. Something like FedEx, but only for Ramen. - We must add to our Ramen production facilities so that we might feed the world. - The U.S. Government must be made to cooperate. Assumptions: - Ramen costs 10 cents/brick to make. This is generous. I’ve seen them sell 10/$1 in stores when I was in college, which was only 6 years ago. - There are 828 million undernourished people in the world, according to [worldhunger.org](http://worldhunger.org). Liberals always pad the figures, so let’s assume this is a generous assumption, too. - These people need to be fed every day. That’s generous, too. Even if you’re in some weird underdeveloped nation, you have to be able to find at least something to eat at least one day out of the freaking year on your own, for chrissake. - You would never pay more for shipping something than the actual cost of goods (unless you are some sort of insane e-commerce business). Calculations: The cost of producing all of this Ramen is $30.222 billion per year. Throw in another $30 billion or so for shipping. $219 for every man, woman and child in America. It would be a lot less, though, because we could get other governments to chip in. Everybody loves America again, because no one’s hungry. No more burning U.S. flags, because the U.S. put together the program that ended world hunger. Risks: - There are probably more efficient ways to do this. - It’s flagrant socialism. - Living on Ramen noodles would give everybody a freaking heart attack. - We’d never get the Russians to cooperate. They’d stall it by suggesting that we use microwave burritos instead, or something. - Corruption and the political nonsense surrounding government contracting would artificially inflate the cost of buying up all the Ramen. Palm-greasing might make this prohibitively expensive. Well, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. Unca Cecil, help me out here. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2000, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422/40 "2000-10-12T20:21:31Z")
> [@](#): > > Living on Ramen noodles would give everybody a freaking heart attack. This is not a bad thing. While feeding the starving of the world, if half of them kick up their toes because of a Ramen noodle only dietary plan, then there is less to feed and we solve the world overpopulation problem at the same time. Kinda a retroactive birth control. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-presidential-debates-invitations-to-candidates/36422.md?page=3)