# SDMB Searching 101 **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 4, 2001, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394 "2001-11-04T03:06:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lateralus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@Lateralus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lateralus)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2001, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/21 "2001-11-05T20:11:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Esprix \* > \*\* > > Just so’s ya know. > > Esprix \*\* Well, thank you for informing me of that. And for realizing I would not have known that, me not having been posting here long. (Whew, did that make sense?). But anyway, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![Lateralus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@Lateralus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lateralus)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2001, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/22 "2001-11-05T20:33:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jodi \* > \*\* > . . . ask yourself if he or she isn’t whispering conspiratorially because s/he is a fucking conspiracy wingnut. > \*\* I asked myself. Myself didn’t tell me that **Searching** was a fucking conspiracy wingnut, but myself directed me to this: **joke** n. [LIST=1] [li]Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line.[/li][li]A mischievous trick; a prank.[/li][li]An amusing or ludicrous incident or situation.[/li]Informal. [li]Something not to be taken seriously; a triviality: _The accident was no joke._[/li][/LIST=1] Note entry #4. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Green](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Blue\_Green](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Green)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2001, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/23 "2001-11-05T20:53:40Z")
The board is really slow right now, but how do we know searching is the rason? There seem to be **"Currently Active Users: There are currently 203 member(s) and 67 guest(s) on the boards.** Wouldn’t this alone bring the forum to a halt? If you can’t even get a post going every 10 minutes, what would make you want to search? Those take too long on good days. ---
**Author:** ![Tars\_Tarkas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Tars\_Tarkas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tars_Tarkas)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2001, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/24 "2001-11-05T21:09:54Z")
Gee… when i tried to get out of this thread and go back to the pit, i got me a file not found error. There can be only one explination: Y’all Fools are using the “SEARCH” function again!!! When will you learn! The “SEARCH” function was forged by Lucifer Himself! Sent here to trap the innocent in a world of darkness! the only way out is to light a candle of searchlessness! Come now, children, cast off your shackels of searching, and join me in a promise land of searchless harmony, where you have your hearts desire without searching! I call it Silver Platter Land! ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2001, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/25 "2001-11-05T21:38:48Z")
Using the search function makes the Baby Jesus cry. It’s probably just out of frustration at how long it takes, though. ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2001, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/26 "2001-11-05T22:34:48Z")
I note Entry No. 4, and I further note that under that definition this entire thread is a joke. ---
**Author:** ![Kamandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5daacb/32.png) [@Kamandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamandi)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2001, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/27 "2001-11-05T23:12:09Z")
**Lateralus** , you brought the newbie shit upon yourself with your sig. If that wasn’t at the bottom of your OP shooting your argument’s credibility in the ass, nobody would have brought it up. A bigger problem is that your OP’s tone is a bit presumptuous, and would sound so even coming from a member of the SDMB Newbie-Hater’s Clique. No matter how well-intentioned you are, it raises your audience’s hackles when you tell them they’re doing stuff all wrong. [sub](Kamandi, Vice-Chancellor of Condescension, SDMBNHC) ---
**Author:** ![darkcool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/5f8ce5/32.png) [@darkcool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/darkcool)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 2001, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/28 "2001-11-05T23:26:07Z")
I saw this and I thought, “Oh goody, I need that!”. Then to my dismay I find it was just a Newbie Dipstick[sup]tm[/sup] who doesn’t know his grass from a hole in the ground. Oh, well, sez I, I still have something to say about this (noting the obvious). But I slid in late and most has already been said. Ahem… Still, I’m here, I’m posting. **Lateralus** , I didn’t notice ‘mod’ or ‘admin’ under your name so, like \*\* Esprix\*\*, I’m wondering how you came by this vital data? I notice you were asked but have yet to respond. I hope you haven’t scared off anyone who actually uses ‘search’. The alternative is worse. And are ‘any’ and ‘pity’ supposed to rhyme? Most grade-level helpers are supposed to. Now on to bigger and better things. Ok, I don’t get to be a member of the **Clique** [sup]tm[/sup]. Sure it hurts, but so be it. Now I find out there is a **Super Secret Dopers Club** [sup]tm[/sup] ! Damnit. You guys have all the fun. : pouty face : And don’t come in behind me bragging about the de-coder rings and stuff. I don’t want to hear it… Back to the OP, I notice that a 2 word entry (to help narrow the search down) doesn’t seem to work. Could someone more knowegable than I explain the _real_ best way to use search? Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Searching\_For\_Truth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4da419/32.png) [@Searching\_For\_Truth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Searching_For_Truth)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2001, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/29 "2001-11-06T03:44:00Z")
This is the reason why I usually never post in the Pit. This is the reason I won’t post in the Pit. **Lat** , [sub]If I can call you that…well, hell, according to Jodi we’re sweethearts, so I’ll call you cupcake if that’s alright\*\* thanks. For y’know, being my rock when I was down. -sniffle- For understanding me when no one else could…-sobs openly on your shoulder- For b-b-being my f-friend…[/sub] Ok, ok. I’m sorry I pissed you off with my silly paranoia, **Jodi**. I’ll try to keep it down, hm? Time to tiptoe back to MPSIMS where I belong now. ---
**Author:** ![thinksnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thinksnow/32/2849_2.png) [@thinksnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thinksnow)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2001, 4:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/30 "2001-11-06T04:15:09Z")
In an effort to help (and eradicate ignorance), I cobbled together a quick list of threads that might help: [li][Is the board REALLY slow today or…](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=62342)[_][What would make the board slow when no one is posting?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=67004)[_][A speed question](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=70991)[_][why is the message board often painfully slow?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=76853) [_] [The board is getting slow again!!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=92001) [_] [Is the SDMB always this slow and crappy looking?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=47521) [_] [Damn, this site is slow!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=68335) [One advantage to an incredibly slow board](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=70418)[/li] Don’t worry, I’ve taken _Advanced Search, 502,_ so it’s alright. ---
**Author:** ![rsa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@rsa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rsa)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2001, 4:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/31 "2001-11-06T16:46:21Z")
Jesus Fucking Christ! I can’t believe some of the responses to this thread. The OP is a mild rant about hypothetical dopers who _might_ not be using the search function efficiently and provides some reasonable suggestions. Why do some of you take it so personally? I’m sure there may be a few folks who aren’t computer geeks who might learn some good tips from the OP. It’s no wonder that the “old timers” (most of whom are great) get stereotyped the way they do. ---
**Author:** ![Kamandi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5daacb/32.png) [@Kamandi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kamandi)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2001, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/32 "2001-11-06T17:31:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rsa \* > **The OP is a mild rant about hypothetical dopers who _might_ not be using the search function efficiently and provides some reasonable suggestions. Why do some of you take it so personally?** Why do we take it personally? I dunno, maybe we don’t like being insulted: > [@](#): > > I know your fucking 2-year old intellect urges you to push a lot of buttons, but KEEP OFF THE GODDAMN SEARCH BUTTON! > > [snip] > > For those of you with the common sense of an ebola-infected gibbon with ADD, I will now instruct you on proper search-conducting behavior: Mild rants are great. Instruction on how to search is appreciated. But around here, insulting your audience will get your scrotum inserted into a waffle iron. ---
**Author:** ![rsa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/839c29/32.png) [@rsa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rsa)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2001, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/33 "2001-11-06T18:30:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kamandi \* > Mild rants are great. Instruction on how to search is appreciated. But around here, insulting your audience will get your scrotum inserted into a waffle iron. I dislike insults as much as anyone, but I just looked at the OP as an IMHO that he choose to post Pit Style[sup]TM[/sup]. Even if I was “search challenged”, I couldn’t really bring myself to see it as a personal insult. But I’ve been known to be wrong before. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Lateralus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/35a633/32.png) [@Lateralus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lateralus)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2001, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394/34 "2001-11-06T20:12:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by rsa \* > **I dislike insults as much as anyone, but I just looked at the OP as an IMHO that he choose to post Pit Style[sup]TM[/sup].** _Exactly_. It wasn’t a personal attack on anyone. But I’ll concede the point that I didn’t make it that clear, so it is understandable some people misconstrued it to be. Live and learn, I guess. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-searching-101/91394.md?page=1)