# SDMB too slow for you? Leave!!

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184>\
**Category:** The BBQ Pit\
**Created:** [November 14, 2003, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184 "2003-11-14T04:38:34Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 20\
**Page:** 2

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**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/21 "2003-11-14T17:38:34Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by World Eater \*  
> \*\*Or, in my case, to do some work. 😛 \*\*

Well I was _trying_ to imply that I don’t cruise the boards while at work…

😉

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**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/22 "2003-11-14T18:50:25Z")

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This comes up frequently in ATMB, generally attached to a complaint about frugality and/or adding capacity. [ul]_Throw 10 grand at a new server! Heck, I’ll put in $100 right now!_

_Charge membership dues to pay for a couple of T3s with redundancy!_[/ul]The best answer I’ve heard to these types of requests, in summary:

**The SDMB has been almost continually upgraded and maintained.  
As soon as there’s an upgrade, the performance benefits are eaten up  
by an increase in traffic.**  
When it’s really, really slow, I like to think of myself as a lowly sperm, tirelessly struggling to bury my head in the fecundity of the Sweet Dope Ovum. When I’m rejected, it often gives me pause; perhaps the resulting foetus will be hellspawn.  
Personally, I believe the Board’s lassitude (and the subsequent frustration) is a Rite of Passage, a true test of dedication to this community. Like holding a seething cauldron with one’s forearms. Every day, from 6 a.m. to 8:30 a.m., 11:00 a.m.-1:00 p.m. and 3:30a.m.-6:30 p.m., PST.

And on the weekends. All day.  
Dear Friends, one suggestion:

I ALWAYS copy my entire message prior to hitting Preview. If the delays are significant, I’ll often paste it into Notepad just for safekeeping and take my dog Blue for a walk. Or tend my orchids. Or research an OP. Or drink heavily. Or meditate, trying not to obsess. If when I return my thoughts are still relevant, I submit them.

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**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/23 "2003-11-14T19:00:04Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by elucidator \*  
> **A brief ceremony was followed by burial “at sea”.**

Did the deceased swirl around the bowl clockwise or counterclockwise? I guess since Chicago is in the Northern Hemisphere, it had to be counterclockwise…

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**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/24 "2003-11-14T19:05:29Z")

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Actually, I very seldom have problems with speed either - I have broadband at work and DSL at home - I can just about always connect and post.

So perhaps the people offering to throw $$ at the SDMB server should use it to upgrade their own equipment instead. I dunno.

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**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/25 "2003-11-14T19:18:28Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by lezlers \*  
> \*\*Well I was _trying_ to imply that I don’t cruise the boards while at work…
> 
> 😉 \*\*

What boards? 😉

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**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/26 "2003-11-14T19:25:03Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Duke \*  
> \*\*Did the deceased swirl around the bowl clockwise or counterclockwise? I guess since Chicago is in the Northern Hemisphere, it had to be counterclockwise… \*\*

Sir! I most emphaticly deplore your attempt to cheapen the somber gravity of the event. Clearly, you are one of those for whom the phrase “Support Our Hamsters” has no heartfelt resonance.

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**Author:** ![Jpeg\_Jones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/4bbf92/32.png) [@Jpeg\_Jones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jpeg_Jones)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/27 "2003-11-14T19:28:11Z")

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I disagree. I have DSL at work but dialup at home.

It seems like the dialup is more reliable than the broadband for some reason, when it comes to the SDMB. Of course, it’s usually nighttime when I’m at home.

Besides, I can’t get broadband at home unless I wanna drop a grand on a satellite.

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**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 8:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/28 "2003-11-14T20:14:02Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Duke \*  
> \*\*Did the deceased swirl around the bowl clockwise or counterclockwise? I guess since Chicago is in the Northern Hemisphere, it had to be counterclockwise… \*\*

The water pressure is so bad that the level just sinks slowly, with just enough of a gurgle at the end to get Leadfoot into the sewers. Several mods have suggested installing a pay toilet to finance an increase in water pressure, but the slow flushes are part of the charm for some.

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**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/29 "2003-11-14T21:21:46Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \*  
> \*\*Actually, I very seldom have problems with speed either - I have broadband at work and DSL at home - I can just about always connect and post.
> 
> So perhaps the people offering to throw $$ at the SDMB server should use it to upgrade their own equipment instead. I dunno.\*\*

Yes, you can connect and post. But you have to wait a couple minutes for the homepage to load, a couple minutes for the forum to load, a couple minutes for the post to load, click the Quote button to reply to someone, then wait a couple more minutes for that page to load. Write your post. Click preview and wait a couple minutes. If satisfied, click submit and wait a couple minutes to get to the screen thanking you for your post, then a couple more minutes to load the thread with your new post in it.

Also, for good measure, replace “couple minutes” with “five minutes, time out, refresh, and a couple more minutes” in a few random places in the preceding paragraph.

Then again, sometimes pages load instantly, even at peak times. You might only have a few seconds of fast-page-load-time, so you use them wisely. Open up five or ten threads as quick as you can, because, at any second, you know that somebody is going to do a search and the board is going to slow to a crawl.

So the speed is very sporadic. I’m pretty sure (someone please correct me if I’m wrong) that the vast bulk of the slowdown is from searches of the SDMB’s gigantic database of posts. The fact that I’ve had numerous times where the board would crawl for a minute, then speed back up in the middle of the night on weekends would seem to corroborate this.

To suggest that the SDMB’s performance issuses are imaginary and rest solely on the clients’ machines is absurd. I’ve had problems accessing the boards from two different 1.5Mbps DSL providers in two different locations, a cable Internet providerb and a university T1. And on several computers with different operating systems, browsers, etc.

If you “very seldom have problems with speed,” you either:

A - Don’t know what speed is  
B - Rarely access the boards and only in the middle of the night  
C - Get lucky and manage to always post at the _perfect time_ when nobody is doing a search  
D - Work at the Chicago Reader  
E - Are lying

The board is slow. There’s no denying that. But we put up with it and keep coming back. We hope for upgrades, but understand that the _Chicago Reader_ has limited resources. Those hamsters have a mighty big wheel to spin and we’re only making it bigger.

Sure, sometimes we throw our hands up in the air and yell “GOD DAMMIT, JUST SUBMIT MY POST, YOU WORTHLESS, PIECE OF SHIT, MESSAGE BOARD!,” especially when we’re trying to submit that one, last, informative post before leaving for work, the board times out five times, and we end up twenty minutes late. Try explaining _that_ one to your boss.

But at the end of the day, we realize that the SDMB is a uniquely incredible source of accurate information and fascinating people, and the endless timeouts and eaten posts end up not mattering quite so much.

As message boards go, I’ll take slow, knowledgeable, and highly literate over fast, ignorant, and misspelled.

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**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 10:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/30 "2003-11-14T22:47:42Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> Sure, sometimes we throw our hands up in the air and yell “GOD DAMMIT, JUST SUBMIT MY POST, YOU WORTHLESS, PIECE OF SHIT, MESSAGE BOARD!,” especially when we’re trying to submit that one, last, informative post before leaving for work, the board times out five times, and we end up twenty minutes late. Try explaining that one to your boss.

I have _no_ idea what you’re talking about. Nope. No idea whatsoever. 😃

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**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/31 "2003-11-14T23:24:15Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by neutron star \*  
> \*\*E - Are lying \*\*

Yes, that’s it. I’m lying.

Listen, Ass, I wouldn’t have posted my observations if they wern’t true.

As a mater of compairison, when I’m at my parent’s house where they have dial-up, I don’t post at all because - it’s slow.

I very seldom have a problem. I have broadband and DSL.

Perhaps the two are related.

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**Author:** ![Achren](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/898d66/32.png) [@Achren](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Achren)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/32 "2003-11-14T23:30:59Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by neutron star \*  
> \*\*The board is slow. There’s no denying that. But we put up with it and keep coming back. We hope for upgrades, but understand that the _Chicago Reader_ has limited resources. Those hamsters have a mighty big wheel to spin and we’re only making it bigger.
> 
> Sure, sometimes we throw our hands up in the air and yell “GOD DAMMIT, JUST SUBMIT MY POST, YOU WORTHLESS, PIECE OF SHIT, MESSAGE BOARD!,” especially when we’re trying to submit that one, last, informative post before leaving for work, the board times out five times, and we end up twenty minutes late. Try explaining _that_ one to your boss.
> 
> But at the end of the day, we realize that the SDMB is a uniquely incredible source of accurate information and fascinating people, and the endless timeouts and eaten posts end up not mattering quite so much.
> 
> As message boards go, I’ll take slow, knowledgeable, and highly literate over fast, ignorant, and misspelled. \*\*

_applauds_

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**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/33 "2003-11-14T23:44:37Z")

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**neutron star**

You’re my new hero.

😃

And **alice** , you don’t have problems posting, ever? Bully for you. Doesn’t mean the problem is with everyone else and their equipment. There are way too many posters with way too many variations in equipment that have problems with the board speed to imply otherwise.

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**Author:** ![lezlers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/258eb7/32.png) [@lezlers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lezlers)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/34 "2003-11-14T23:49:03Z")

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Man, I just read **neutron** ’s post again.

Fucking classic. **Opal** needs to stick that bad boy on the Page O Flames.

Brav-fucking-O, buddy.

😃

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**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\
**Post date:** [November 14, 2003, 11:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/35 "2003-11-14T23:56:39Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \*  
> \*\*Yes, that’s it. I’m lying.
> 
> Listen, Ass, I wouldn’t have posted my observations if they wern’t true.  
> \*\*

I didn’t really think you were lying. That’s why I made it the last option.

> [@](#):
>
> As a mater of compairison, when I’m at my parent’s house where they have dial-up, I don’t post at all because - it’s slow.

My DSL account has backup dialup account. In surfing the SDMB on dialup during busy times, it’s been pretty much the same as it’s been on my DSL connection. The low speed of the SDMB server seems to negate any speed gain I’d get from DSL.

> [@](#):
>
> I very seldom have a problem. I have broadband and DSL.

What do you mean “I have broadband?” Do you know what broadband means? The term’s original meaning is analog signalling over multiple frequencies, whereas baseband would be digital over a single channel. Lately, however, the term has been corrupted to mean high speed Internet access of almost any kind. So, basically, that statement doesn’t mean much of anything.

> [@](#):
>
> Perhaps the two are related.

The two what?

Look, honestly I don’t think you’re lying. Maybe you’re just mistaken. But you can’t tell me you haven’t waited several minutes for pages to load, and if you browse during peak times, you can’t tell me that it hasn’t happened with some frequency. I just don’t believe it. You can’t tell me that during peak times, you can’t pull up the grapics-laden pages of [cnn.com](http://cnn.com), [abcnews.com](http://abcnews.com), and a couple other sites of your choice in the time that it takes to load one page of text on the SDMB.

How can you maintain that there’s no speed problem when the very people who maintain the board say that there is?

\*On preview:\*_blushes_ Wow, thanks guys. 🙂

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<div class="post-metadata">

**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\
**Post date:** [November 15, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/36 "2003-11-15T00:13:31Z")

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The speed of your connection has exactly _dick_ to do with how fast the boards load. We have cable modems, where damn near everything else on the entire net loads instantly. Yet, somehow, the Dope still loads at exactly the same speed it did back when we had dialup. It’s the boards and how much traffic they have, not what sort of connection you have.

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**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\
**Post date:** [November 15, 2003, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/37 "2003-11-15T01:31:40Z")

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I apologize for the tone of my OP. It was never intended to be a rant to begin with. I was trying to express what the boards mean to me and,as usual,made a total botch of it.This is why my post count is so low,I dont express myself well and on the rare occasions that I try,you see the results.(Plus all the good stuff has already been said by the time I get here ) Again I’m sorry.

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**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\
**Post date:** [November 15, 2003, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/38 "2003-11-15T01:55:51Z")

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> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by Jpeg Jones \*  
> \*\*I disagree. I have DSL at work but dialup at home.
> 
> It seems like the dialup is more reliable than the broadband for some reason, when it comes to the SDMB. Of course, it’s usually nighttime when I’m at home.
> 
> Besides, I can’t get broadband at home unless I wanna drop a grand on a satellite. \*\*

C’mon! It only cost me $700! And it’s worth every penny out here in the sticks.

And I burst up past 1.5MBps sometimes.

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**Author:** ![Creative\_Munster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Creative\_Munster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creative_Munster)\
**Post date:** [November 15, 2003, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/39 "2003-11-15T02:57:38Z")

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3697 posts, Alice. Everyone else seems to notice how slow these pages load, or how they often don’t load at all. And you are surprised that some people are skeptical of your “observations”. I’m extremely skeptical myself.

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**Author:** ![Creative\_Munster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Creative\_Munster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Creative_Munster)\
**Post date:** [November 15, 2003, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/sdmb-too-slow-for-you-leave/213184/40 "2003-11-15T02:59:21Z")

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However, I have noticed that today they are loading more quickly than usual. I wonder if that has anything to do with Uncle Beer locking those pointless, asinine threads in MPSIMS.

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