# Seagal or Van Damme? **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 15, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182 "2010-12-15T00:05:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/1 "2010-12-15T00:05:18Z")
Judge by any criteria you like. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/2 "2010-12-15T00:06:58Z")
Jean-Claude got my vote. **Bloodsport** remains one of my favorite movies ever. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/3 "2010-12-15T00:13:40Z")
Van Damme. 1. His moves are cooler. 2. I never got the impression he took any of it seriously. 3. Honestly, he’s a better actor. ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Stone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Sam\_Stone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Stone)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/4 "2010-12-15T02:21:47Z")
Judging both as martial artists in their prime - Steven Seagal. Van Damme is a kickboxer/dancer/bodybuilder who was never a serious martial artist (he does have a black belt, but I think it’s only a Shodan). Seagal is, I believe, a 6th Dan in Aikido, was one of the only Caucasians to run an Aikido dojo in Japan, and was a serious practitioner of the art for many years. As actors, I’d give the nod to Seagal in his prime, even though it’s a very low bar since neither of them can act particularly well. But Seagal was pretty good in _Above the Law_ and _Under Siege_. As an action star, I’d probably go with Van Damme, because he has very flashy movie-tuned moves, a better physique, and has starred in more movies that didn’t totally suck. Seagal’s best two movies were better than anything Van Damme has done, but outside of those two movies Seagal’s work was godawful, while Van Damme put out a string of movies that were at least watchable. Plus, Seagal runs like a girl. As human beings, they both suck. One’s a bloated serial prevaricator and resume distortionist, and the other is a coked-up violent idiot. In a battle of egos, it’s not clear who would win. ---
**Author:** ![Ruby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/13edae/32.png) [@Ruby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ruby)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/5 "2010-12-15T03:02:57Z")
I don’t care for Segal’s preachy style so I voted VanDamme. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/6 "2010-12-15T03:17:24Z")
> [@Sam\_Stone](#): > > As human beings, they both suck. One’s a bloated serial prevaricator and resume distortionist, and the other is a coked-up violent idiot. Which is which? ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/7 "2010-12-15T05:10:21Z")
It was close, but I think Seagal is slightly more inadvertently hilarious. ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 7:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/8 "2010-12-15T07:05:16Z")
Seagal movies are way more fun due to the unintentional comedy. Each had a couple great stupid action movies and each had a bunch of terrible ones, I call that a wash. Seagal’s fighting style and moves are more unique and generally bad-ass while Van Damme’s moves looked a lot like every other martial artist’s over choreographed moves. Van Damme was way more ripped, but I’m not sure that’s a selling point being that I’m a straight male. In fact Seagal’s paunchiness kinda made him appealing as an everyman. _Above the Law, Under Siege_ and \*Bloodsport \* are absolute classics but Seagal at his worst is far worse than Van Damme. Van Damme is like 5’8", Seagal has an awesome ponytail. Seagal for the win! Kumite! ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 7:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/9 "2010-12-15T07:35:52Z")
I voted that Seagal is the bigger asshole. That;s what I assumed the poll was about. ---
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/10 "2010-12-15T14:54:22Z")
> [@Miller](#): > > Which is which? I assume “resume distortionist” refers to Seagal claiming that he once worked for the CIA. ---
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/11 "2010-12-15T14:56:15Z")
> [@Omniscient](#): > > _Above the Law, Under Siege_ and \*Bloodsport \* are absolute classics but Seagal at his worst is far worse than Van Damme. Van Damme is like 5’8", Seagal has an awesome ponytail. > > Seagal for the win! Kumite! [Bloodsport](http://www.movieprop.com/tvandmovie/reviews/bloodsport.jpg) was Van Damme. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/12 "2010-12-15T14:59:49Z")
Even with the accent, Van Damme was easier to understand as Seagal was the hoarse whisperer. ---
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/13 "2010-12-15T15:40:09Z")
As others have mentioned Van Damme doesn’t really seem to have a problem making fun of himself and being something of a goofball. Yeah, he still comes off as kind of a douche, but those self-deprecating qualities make him pretty likable. Seagal, on the other hand, constantly feels like he has to play up his badassery, even going so far as to say he once worked as a spook. And every movie he’s in, it seems, has to have the obligatory scene where the bad guys talk about how tough is. Also, he claims to be a reincarnated Buddhist lama. And no that’s not a joke. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/14 "2010-12-15T16:11:41Z")
Does Van Damme have his own [energy drink](http://www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/Steven_Seagal_s_Lightning_Bolt.aspx)? No he does not. Advantage Seagal, baby! (Actually. I’m convinced that Steven Seagal’s entire persona is a decades long Andy Kaufmanesque put on/performance art piece, which he will reveal on his deathbed.) ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/15 "2010-12-15T16:15:12Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > Does Van Damme have his own [energy drink](http://www.agonybooth.com/agonizer/Steven_Seagal_s_Lightning_Bolt.aspx)? No he does not. Advantage Seagal, baby! Tried that. Hurt my throat. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/16 "2010-12-15T16:21:45Z")
You guys have clearly never seen “Fire Down Below,” in which Steven Seagall is an agent of some kind, who is sent down South to beat up some bad guys for polluting the environment. He’s also a part-time folk singer or something in the movie. It is awesome. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/17 "2010-12-15T17:24:04Z")
I’m not crazy about either of them, but I can’t _stand_ Steven Seagal. ---
**Author:** ![Wile\_E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c37758/32.png) [@Wile\_E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wile_E)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/18 "2010-12-15T17:25:31Z")
Jackie Chan ---
**Author:** ![Capitaine\_Zombie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e95f7d/32.png) [@Capitaine\_Zombie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Capitaine_Zombie)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/19 "2010-12-15T17:33:07Z")
You know one of the things that I really appreciate in being French is that I can enjoy something unaccessible to our friends across the seas: a Van Damme interview in French. It is absolutely mind blowing, like a Koan school of thought brewed up in the pits of Brussels, with a generous coating of completely nonsensic Franglish. They even published books with the best samples of Van Dammeries… You cant beat that, you just cant. Van Dammage FTW! ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [December 15, 2010, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182/20 "2010-12-15T18:36:02Z")
Van Damage all the way. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seagal-or-van-damme/564182.md?page=2)