# Secret Gross-Out Illuminati? A word, please... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 9, 2001, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316 "2001-04-09T03:42:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mr.Cynical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ee59a6/32.png) [@Mr.Cynical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Cynical)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/21 "2001-04-10T13:27:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > \*\*The Toothbrush story: Despite Mr. Cynical’s seeming obsession with it, it simply involves me sticking a toothbrush up my ass to see what anal stimulation is like. Needless to say, it was interesting, but it quickly occurred to me that I had a fuckin’ toothbrush (no pun intended) up my ass, and I quickly removed it and threw it away. > > (Damn, I’m good…) \*\* Dirty boy. Dirty, dirty boy! And, how’s that for a sentence you never thought you’d read? It quickly occurred to me that I had a fuckin’ toothbrush up my ass. ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/22 "2001-04-10T13:54:11Z")
Remind me not to tell you folks what happens to your penis when you use liquid dishwashing detergent as a lubricant for masturbation. ---
**Author:** ![erislover](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/71e660/32.png) [@erislover](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erislover)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/23 "2001-04-10T16:53:36Z")
Toothbrush, yes well, this isn’t, shall we say, an isolated incident in the annals of mankind. Though I must admit that _toothpase_ is a new one on me. Never was much fro lubricants while growing up, but stuffed animals? Wellllll ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2001, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/24 "2001-04-10T23:32:22Z")
> [@](#): > > Never was much fro lubricants while growing up, but stuffed animals? Wellllll I should introduce you to my best friend, Kia. She had a stuffed Unicorn (wink wink…). ---
**Author:** ![Dijon\_Warlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a9a28c/32.png) [@Dijon\_Warlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dijon_Warlock)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/25 "2001-04-11T01:25:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by aynrandlover \* > \*\*Toothbrush, yes well, this isn’t, shall we say, an isolated incident in the _annals_ of mankind. \*\* You realise, I hope, that you just let a priceless Freudian slip opportunity escape with that particular turn of phrase… ---
**Author:** ![Kyomara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/8edcca/32.png) [@Kyomara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kyomara)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2001, 9:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/26 "2001-04-11T09:14:27Z")
er…I could be wrong, but doesn’t toothpaste have little grains in it to make it mildly abrasive? Isn’t that one of the reasons they used to use baking soda? It would certainly explain all the cute. And toothbrushes…you’re weird, man. When I got curious about that I just used my fingers or a carrot. ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/27 "2001-04-15T11:16:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > \*\*Hash… it was the Toothpaste Incident that taught me that I need to learn how to whack off dry. \*\* Um, I’d appreciate it if you’d rephrase this. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2001, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/28 "2001-04-15T18:27:49Z")
But, DRY… don’t you want to proclaim our secret mutual masturbation and hand-job sessions to the world? Don’t deny our relationship! ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/29 "2001-04-16T01:48:15Z")
ok, I have a feeling I’m going to be sorry, but I have to ask. Why don’t you have pubic hair? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 4:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/30 "2001-04-16T04:03:17Z")
You’ve never heard of a razor? Du-u-u-u-uh! ---
**Author:** ![delphica](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9a140/32.png) [@delphica](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/delphica)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/31 "2001-04-16T05:11:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > \*\*Aside from that, though, I’ve found that most hand lotions provide a nice feeling… although, being a poor college student with limited funds and transportation, I’ve been unable to get my hands on “professional” lube like KY jelly or such. \*\* My goodness, this has been troubling me **all day** (and what a way to spend Easter, eh?). I will _send_ you some in the mail if it is really that difficult to get. Maybe I should start a foundation to get these products to poor college students everywhere. It seems the future of America is at stake. Toothpaste! I never. ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2001, 6:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/32 "2001-04-16T06:59:19Z")
Okay, okay, okay… I hereby vow to never, ever, EVER relate the Toothpaste Story on these boards ever again. And I also vow to never, ever relate the status of my pubic hair ever again. Unless I have a fit of temporary insanity, in which case I ask that everyone hurl monkey dung at me. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Creant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b487fb/32.png) [@Miss\_Creant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Creant)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 3:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/33 "2001-04-17T03:12:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > \*\*You’ve never heard of a razor? > > Du-u-u-u-uh! \*\* Well, I figured as much, I just wondered, WHY? Is it a personal preference? Hygyine? I’m just curious. I figured if you comfortable enough to tell us you have no pubic hair, you would mind telling us why? ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/34 "2001-04-17T07:15:31Z")
It just feels nice. So smooooooth… and, for some reason, I never have a problem with itching. Of course, if I actually had someone to impress with a shaven groin area, I’d enjoy it even more… ---
**Author:** ![evilbeth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/evilbeth/32/2268_2.png) [@evilbeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/evilbeth)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2001, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/35 "2001-04-17T09:39:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > \*\*Of course, if I actually had someone to impress with a shaven groin area, I’d enjoy it even more… \*\* Well, **SPOOFE** , _I’m_ impressed! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![SPOOFE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c5a1d2/32.png) [@SPOOFE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SPOOFE)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2001, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/36 "2001-04-18T05:51:16Z")
Wow, now I REALLY enjoy it! ---
**Author:** ![DRY](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a87d85/32.png) [@DRY](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DRY)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2001, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316/37 "2001-04-22T10:35:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SPOOFE Bo Diddly \* > \*\*But, DRY… don’t you want to proclaim our secret mutual masturbation and hand-job sessions to the world? Don’t deny our relationship! \*\* Sorry, **SPOOFE** , but while I’m sure you’re a swell guy, I’m a firm believer in no love = no sex. Hell, I’m an open minded guy, though. Are you the type of person I could fall in love with? Compatible interests? I guess you’d past that test. Leaving the toilet seat down/up? You’d pass that one, too. Sharing toothbrush/toothpaste? :eek: OOPS…Sorry, better luck next time. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-gross-out-illuminati-a-word-please/61316.md?page=1)