# secret outsider buying spouse's ticket? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 2, 2015, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421 "2015-11-02T15:12:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lowdown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c57346/32.png) [@Lowdown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lowdown)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2015, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/21 "2015-11-02T19:28:56Z")
> [@cedman](#): > > This member has told their spouse of the trip but the airline ticket was NOT purchased by them, it was bought by someone else. The traveling spouse refuses to tell the other spouse who bought the ticket. Unless stay-at-home spouse has some serious hang-ups with money, I can’t think of a legitimate reason to hold back this information. Gender doesn’t matter. In a marriage, you’re supposed to be a team. Willfully withholding information is not a hallmark of a healthy relationship. Personally, I’d start forming an exit strategy. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2015, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/22 "2015-11-02T19:34:45Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Obviously if the spouses already have a crap relationship this is probably not a material increment on the already towering pile of crap. Don’t you feel like that is the situation here? Or maybe they’re newlyweds and they haven’t had to deal with these kinds of issues yet and are just fumbling around. ---
**Author:** ![bup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6bbea6/32.png) [@bup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bup)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2015, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/23 "2015-11-02T19:44:11Z")
I need more info. Is it possible traveling spouse was given the ticket on the condition they not tell who bought it? If traveling spouse says, “I’m not allowed to tell you. It was one of the conditions of the gift,” then fine. But if traveling spouse just refuses to tell who bought it, and refuses to tell why they won’t tell, then something’s weird. It’s a long jump from there to “spouse is cheating on me!” though. A cheating spouse would just lie. “College roommate traveling companion bought it,” for instance. ---
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2015, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/24 "2015-11-02T19:50:18Z")
It sounds really suspicious to me, and I can’t think of a good reason for it. Even if there are major issues and Traveler thinks Questioner will respond badly, I can’t see how saying the name of the buyer would make anything worse than letting Questioner assume it’s the worst possible person, which is what Traveler’s choices lead to. I can think of lots of reasons why someone would pick up a ticket - old friend or family who really wants to see Traveler, someone with extra airline miles about to expire, someone with enough cash that they don’t care about the price, someone won a ticket in a contest and doesn’t have use for it, and many more. But I can’t think of any reasonable reason to hide who’s paying for the ticket. ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2015, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/25 "2015-11-02T19:53:33Z")
A lie of omission is still a lie This doesn’t pass the smell test for me ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_Bravo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_bravo/32/493_2.png) [@Johnny\_Bravo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_Bravo)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2015, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/26 "2015-11-02T20:01:18Z")
> [@bup](#): > > If traveling spouse says, “I’m not allowed to tell you. It was one of the conditions of the gift,” then fine. Nooo, still sketchy as hell. The traveling spouse should say, “Well then I really can’t accept your gift, Cousin Creepy, because it will look suspicious as hell when I tell my husband that I’m ‘not allowed’ to tell him who is financing my trip.” I’m sure there are relationships out there where Spouse A would tell Spouse B that secret gifts worth hundreds of dollars are A-OK, but I can’t imagine there are many. Super, super sketchy. ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2015, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/27 "2015-11-02T20:11:28Z")
Assuming it’s a real life scenario the most likely explanation is that the non-travelling spouse is a bit of a blabber mouth and the ticket payer is a family member who either (1) can’t be seen for whatever reason to have that kind of disposable money on tap or (2) someone coming to the gathering who didn’t have their ticket paid for would raise holy hell if it came out that ticket payer is playing favorites. Also maybe that unpaid person is friend of stay at home spouse. The main issue in this scenario is that by agreeing to this silliness it’s hugely disrespectful to the stay at home spouse and IMO would be a big red flag for the marriage. Is your marriage worth the price of plane ticket? That’s the real question. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/28 "2015-11-03T00:29:31Z")
- clicks link \* - reads OP and a handful of replies \* Yep, mono people’s drama. ---
**Author:** ![Heracles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/heracles/32/487_2.png) [@Heracles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heracles)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/29 "2015-11-03T01:34:51Z")
- Traveling Spouse will not be traveling at all. The whole family is coming to visit that weekend for Non-Traveling Spouse’s birthday. The “I can’t tell you who bought the ticket” part is just to explain why there’s no charge anywhere on the couple’s credit cards. - Traveling Spouse has a secret stash of cash under TS’ side of the mattress. This was used to purchase the ticket. So, when asked where the money came from, TS improvised a “secret” that made the situation worse. - Traveling Spouse intends to hitch-hike all the way, but doesn’t want Non-Traveling Spouse to worry. - Traveling Spouse is expecting a large amount of money from a deposed Nigerian minister who must get some cash out of Nigeria. - Traveling Spouse is expecting a large amount of money because the horoscope said so. - Traveling Spouse intends to carry a large quantity of cocaine in exchange for free travel. - Traveling Spouse is actually a government agent in charge of spying on College Friend (Same Sex). ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/30 "2015-11-03T03:37:32Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > - clicks link \* > - reads OP and a handful of replies \* > > Yep, mono people’s drama. What does that mean? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/31 "2015-11-03T03:39:08Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > What does that mean? He’s not into monogamous relationships. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/32 "2015-11-03T03:46:56Z")
He’s been quite open about being in a polyamorous relationship, in fact. OP, is Traveling Spouse’s traveling companion married (or in a monogamous committed relationship?) Wondering if Traveling Companion needs Traveling Spouse as a cover story for his/her own SO, and the trip is being financed by Traveling Companion’s paramour. ---
**Author:** ![Dewey\_Finn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dewey_finn/32/4222_2.png) [@Dewey\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dewey_Finn)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/33 "2015-11-03T03:47:10Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > > [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > > > What does that mean? > > He’s not into monogamous relationships. Thank you. That sounds as dismissive and unhelpful as saying, “First world problem.” ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/34 "2015-11-03T03:53:03Z")
If the ticket is/was ‘Part A’ of a multi-part plan for a surprise gift for spouse, I could see the logic - ‘If spouse knows C is paying for my ride spouse may realize that C (spouse’s long-lost, assumed dead twin) would be returning with me’. But that is a huge reach. ---
**Author:** ![Snnipe\_70E](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/b5a626/32.png) [@Snnipe\_70E](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snnipe_70E)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/35 "2015-11-03T04:28:53Z")
My wife and I do not keep secrets from each other. ---
**Author:** ![Mudshark](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Mudshark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mudshark)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/36 "2015-11-03T05:31:52Z")
Seems kind of strange. There should be no secrets like that in a relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/37 "2015-11-03T07:46:42Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Wondering if Traveling Companion needs Traveling Spouse as a cover story for his/her own SO, and the trip is being financed by Traveling Companion’s paramour. Least-implausible theory so far, IMO. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/38 "2015-11-03T13:04:21Z")
Cheating doesn’t come to mind, since a cheater would almost certainly just lie. I’d assume it is some kind of surprise that involves me. I’d definitely think it odd and it might bother me, but Id probably assume the truth would come out in the end and there would be some good reason for it. ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/39 "2015-11-03T13:33:17Z")
> [@AHunter3](#): > > - clicks link \* > - reads OP and a handful of replies \* > > Yep, mono people’s drama. Really no cause for this. Please don’t threadshit. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/40 "2015-11-03T14:50:01Z")
The unwillingness to be open about the purchase of the ticket, without explanation, would likely end this relationship for me. I highly value, openness, honesty, integrity. If I’m already in a committed relationship with you, I would already believe you live these values. Or at least be aware how much I do. So this turn of events would be a very serious blow, for any relationship of mine. Possibly even a fatal blow. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421.md?page=3)