# secret outsider buying spouse's ticket? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 2, 2015, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421 "2015-11-02T15:12:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 6\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Pantastic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3bc359/32.png) [@Pantastic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pantastic)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/41 "2015-11-03T16:02:07Z")
> [@Dewey\_Finn](#): > > Thank you. That sounds as dismissive and unhelpful as saying, “First world problem.” It’s also wildly incorrect, because poly people can have merged finances and be concerned about a partner keeping secrets too. Most poly people that I know would not be OK with a partner having a **secret** lover across the country. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/42 "2015-11-03T16:13:51Z")
That was my reaction to **AHunter3** ’s post as well. I have no direct experience with poly relationships, but ISTM … In a poly arrangement the need for openness is greater, not less, than it is in 2-party relations. The issue in the OP is, IMO, not that the traveling spouse might be, _gasp_, cheating, but rather that the traveling spouse is keeping a secret over the (apparent) objections of the non-traveling spouse. The secret is the issue. The why behind the secret is almost immaterial. ---
**Author:** ![AHunter3](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ahunter3/32/368_2.png) [@AHunter3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AHunter3)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2015, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/43 "2015-11-03T17:09:36Z")
I don’t see it as a “behind your back” secret. She’s quite open about the fact that she has received a ticket from someone and does not intend to tell him from whom. People are entitled to keep secrets. They get to keep them for their own reasons, and to keep those reasons _themselves_ secret as well. If it happened to me, my reaction would be: “Oh, OK”. I’m probably projecting a kinder tone of voice onto her when she tells him “I’ve got a ticket. I’m not telling you who paid for it and I don’t want to go into that at all”, or however she words it, than you may be. [QUOTE=Asimovian] Please don’t threadshit [/quote] Apologies. ---
**Author:** ![kopek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kopek/32/337_2.png) [@kopek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kopek)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2015, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/44 "2015-11-04T01:29:59Z")
> [@lazybratsche](#): > > Maybe the buyer was a family member that doesn’t want it to be known that they’re making several hundred dollar favors for certain family members but not others? That’s the most innocent thing I can come up with. That was actually my first thought. A relative is married to someone who does not like my wife and me much. Were we to slip her a ticket or something it would have to be under the table. (I think he would be less offended if it came from some guy she works with than he would knowing it came from us) ---
**Author:** ![cedman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cedman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cedman)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2015, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/45 "2015-11-04T23:00:49Z")
Updated info… the stay-at-home spouse knew about the trip but only learned of the purchase situation from an overheard phone conversation by the traveling spouse. A few other items have led me to believe I know the couple in question and they are the weirdest couple you’d ever meet. So maybe this strangeness is normal for them? ---
**Author:** ![cedman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cedman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cedman)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2015, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421/46 "2015-11-04T23:02:41Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > He’s been quite open about being in a polyamorous relationship, in fact. > > OP, is Traveling Spouse’s traveling companion married (or in a monogamous committed relationship?) > > Wondering if Traveling Companion needs Traveling Spouse as a cover story for his/her own SO, and the trip is being financed by Traveling Companion’s paramour. The travelin companion IS married, at least as far as I know from seeing them in early 2013. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-outsider-buying-spouses-ticket/736421.md?page=2)