# "Secret Santas" in the workplace should be OPTIONAL! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 5, 2004, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-santas-in-the-workplace-should-be-optional/278209 "2004-12-05T13:46:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-santas-in-the-workplace-should-be-optional/278209/61 "2004-12-07T00:27:13Z")
**Bienvenille** (sp?) can’t you just send out a memo saying you won’t take part in the secret Santa, telling the person who picked your name, to come to you where you will give that person the name you yourself picked? That should solve the problem. Otherwise just buy an DH18"IBJD for your unfortunate pick, that will ensure people will ask in future if you want to participate. ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-santas-in-the-workplace-should-be-optional/278209/62 "2004-12-07T00:56:46Z")
I dunno. If I thought I were going to get a DH18"IBJD from a Secret Santa, I’d want to participate **all** the time. Could be just me though. ---
**Author:** ![Yeticus\_Rex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/a698b9/32.png) [@Yeticus\_Rex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yeticus_Rex)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-santas-in-the-workplace-should-be-optional/278209/63 "2004-12-07T01:10:32Z")
> [@dalej42](#): > > At most places, I would say about 10% or so of the cow-orkers really get into things like Secret Santa. For the rest of us, they are an annoyance. If it isn’t Secret Santa then whatever “bonding” experience you come up with is still going to piss me off. Ten percent? Ours was about 55%. Unpressured. Announced on an invitation only once without any verbal encouragement. Ten percent? Really? ---
**Author:** ![MaddyStrut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/dbc845/32.png) [@MaddyStrut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MaddyStrut)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-santas-in-the-workplace-should-be-optional/278209/64 "2004-12-07T01:27:28Z")
> [@fluiddruid](#): > > So, as a boss holding a Secret Santa, would you all be so kind as to tell me if my plans are objectionable? > > I first held a survey asking about various holiday activities, such as potluck, Secret Santa, cookie exchange, etc. explicitly detailing that participation is completely optional and furthermore they didn’t even need to sign their name. From this I decided to hold Secret Santa only due to the preferences of the group. > > I handed out little forms asking for name and gift preferences/ideas with instructions to spend no more than $10. I will hand out the forms (my boss recommend I not participate) to the participants. Nowhere will I indicate who participated and who didn’t, and due to the pool of people I am pulling from (about 25) who are working all kinds of hours and over my area of the building, I don’t think anyone will work it out (and we’re not the kind of workplace where people would care, I would think). > > About half of people participated, about half not. Because many of the people are low-income temps with kids, I don’t think that non-participants are grinches at all – but I desperately want to do things that make people happy and excited (but I have little money to work with). > > Any objections here? If I read your post correctly, I think your plan was fine. The way I read it, you only need send the form back if you want to participate and not if you dodn’t. So you only keep track of the names of who is in. That’s fine. I wouldn’t feel pressured by that at all. Also, you’re keeping track of the names yourself. You haven’t delegated it to an over-eager junior associate who thinks he/she can impress the boss by getting a high SS participation percentage (don’t laugh, I see that at my office). So you won’t have someone running around trying to push people into participating. Finally, you offered a vote up to everyone. I’m not a SS fan but, if the majority of people in my office wanted it, I wouldn’t begrudge them their fun. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-santas-in-the-workplace-should-be-optional/278209/65 "2004-12-07T01:42:28Z")
> [@Bippy the Beardless](#): > > **Bienvenille** (sp?) can’t you just send out a memo saying you won’t take part in the secret Santa, telling the person who picked your name, to come to you where you will give that person the name you yourself picked? > That should solve the problem. Actually the problem has already been solved. **bienville** ’s name was still in the hat, so **bienville** removed it and placed the original pick back into the hat. ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-santas-in-the-workplace-should-be-optional/278209/66 "2004-12-07T08:17:45Z")
> [@av8rmike](#): > > I’ve read **bienville** ’s post three times, but never saw the part where his co-worker told him participation was _mandatory_, or the part where **bienville** tells the co-worker “no thanks, I’d prefer not to participate.” Three times, huh? Again, my name had already been put in the bowl without my consent. _MOST OF THE NAMES HAD ALREADY BEEN PICKED_ _NO RECORD WAS KEPT OF WHO PICKED WHAT NAME_ If someone had picked my name- which was a very real possibility and at this point a statistical probability- there was NO WAY of knowing who that person was. That person could have picked my name the day before- my day off- spent the next day buying me a present _BEFORE I WAS EVEN AWARE THAT THEY HAD ORGANIZED A SECRET SANTA EXCHANGE_. Even if that person didn’t go out the next day to pick out a present: because no record was kept, because everyone’s days off are staggered, because of the size of the staff IT COULD HAVE TAKEN DAYS TO FIND OUT WHO HAD PICKED MY NAME, giving that person more time to buy me a present before being told I was not participating. Thus the only way I could opt out would amount to saying, “Sure, somebody can buy _me_ a gift, but I’m not buying a gift for anyone else.” I could have either waged a huge battle over it or I could do only what I did do: grudgingly pick a name and go along with it, then at the first opportunity address Management and insist it be done differently _next year_ (which does me no good this year.) So, you’re right, no one said the words, “bienville, this is mandatory.” But it was presented in a way that (had I not, by simple luck, found my name still in the bowl) I had no option in the matter. What I did have, however, was the opportunity to vent my frustration by typing “Fuck their miserable fucking faces” on an anonymous Messageboard in a Forum _specifically intended for_ sentiments like “Fuck their miserable fucking faces” rather then direct that frustration at the innocent person who presented me with the bowl, since that person was no more involved in the organization of the Secret Santa than I was- she just happened to be the person whose shift was ending when mine was beginning. Complaining to her would not have helped. Complaining on a Messageboard at least afforded me the opportunity to blow off some steam. Three times, indeed. If the “Putz!” Smilie wasn’t winking I’d be tempted to use it right about now. ---
**Author:** ![CrazyCatLady](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dfb087/32.png) [@CrazyCatLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrazyCatLady)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-santas-in-the-workplace-should-be-optional/278209/67 "2004-12-07T10:09:43Z")
Oh, get the bug out of your shorts. It’s not assholish to point out that you had options and chose not to exercise them. You’re being unnecessarily pettish and obnoxious to Mike. You’re also being unnecessarily pettish and obnoxious about your coworkers. They were just trying to make sure you didn’t feel left out, fercryinoutloud. You don’t want to participate in Secret Santa, fine. Don’t participate. It’s not any skin off anyone’s ass, really. Even if whoever had gotten your name had already bought you a gift, it’s not like it would have been so special and personalized that they couldn’t have given it to someone else. As you’ve pointed out, these people barely know you. But have the testicles to actually say, “no thanks, I’d rather not.” Don’t expect them to read your mind and know that although you smile and nod, you’re secretly seething with anger and resentment about the whole thing and plan to send a secret email to management detailing your mistreatment. That two-faced shit is for weasels. ---
**Author:** ![bienville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4bbf92/32.png) [@bienville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bienville)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-santas-in-the-workplace-should-be-optional/278209/68 "2004-12-07T10:51:15Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > you smile and nod, you’re secretly seething with anger and resentment about the whole thing and plan to send a secret email to management detailing your mistreatment. That two-faced shit is for weasels. . . . uh? Two-faced how? It’s the management staff that’s responsible for organizing and sanctioning the activity in question- I’d be taking my complaint _directly_ to the responsible party. It would somehow be more appropriate to complain to the random person who just happened to be there at that shift-change who was instructed to hand me the bowl? How is it more appropriate in your estimation to bitch to co-workers about a management issue rather than go directly to management? ---
**Author:** ![MsRobyn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/90ced4/32.png) [@MsRobyn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsRobyn)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2004, 11:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-santas-in-the-workplace-should-be-optional/278209/69 "2004-12-07T11:46:56Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Oh, get the bug out of your shorts. It’s not assholish to point out that you had options and chose not to exercise them. You’re being unnecessarily pettish and obnoxious to Mike. You’re also being unnecessarily pettish and obnoxious about your coworkers. They were just trying to make sure you didn’t feel left out, fercryinoutloud. > > You don’t want to participate in Secret Santa, fine. Don’t participate. It’s not any skin off anyone’s ass, really. Even if whoever had gotten your name had already bought you a gift, it’s not like it would have been so special and personalized that they couldn’t have given it to someone else. As you’ve pointed out, these people barely know you. But have the testicles to actually say, “no thanks, I’d rather not.” Don’t expect them to read your mind and know that although you smile and nod, you’re secretly seething with anger and resentment about the whole thing and plan to send a secret email to management detailing your mistreatment. That two-faced shit is for weasels. Christ, **CCL**. Relax. **Bienville** ’s beef is that s/he was included not only without his/her consent, but before s/he was even aware that there was an exchange, thereby negating any possibility of gracefully getting out of the exchange. If his/her name had already been picked, s/he would’ve _felt_ obligated to participate, even if no such actual obligation existed. Make sense now? Robin [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secret-santas-in-the-workplace-should-be-optional/278209.md?page=3)