# Secrets your parents left for you to discover when they died. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 7, 2010, 6:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893 "2010-09-07T06:17:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/61 "2010-09-12T03:52:36Z")
> [@astro](#): > > > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > > > My father was not my biological father. Blood and DNA tests have proved it. > > > > Since both he and my mother are dead, I’ll never know how I was conceived and even who else was in the room at the time besides my mother.. > > Out curiosity how do it come to the point that it was necessary to perform those tests when you were an adult? Most of the time it’s child paternity and CS disputes that prompt these tests. Never mind. I see the question was already answered. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/62 "2010-09-12T04:35:47Z")
My first sister will be in charge of finding out secrets, as she’s the geographically closest. I only expect to hear what she thinks we (me, her, our siblings) should know. I trust her to do right. I don’t expect any paternity secrets, as except for my white hair, I take after my paternal side. Nor do I expect maternal secrets, due to the white hair. That said, I have a hard time expressing if I’d be interested in going through my parent’s private papers. I’ve spent my whole life believing that their private life is none of my business, and I think I’d find it difficult to change that just because they are dead. I suspect that if it was up to me instead of my sister, I’d do a whole lot of burning. ---
**Author:** ![hellpaso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecae2f/32.png) [@hellpaso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hellpaso)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 6:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/63 "2010-09-12T06:11:30Z")
I don’t know of any parental surprises, but I remember when my grandmother died nearly 30 years ago my Mom and her sister were going through her things and found her marriage certificate with their step-dad (whom they adored). The both kinda hollered out, saying, “but that was 2 years after we all moved to St. Louis together!” Evidently they assumed their mother was already married to their step-father at the time. How scandalous! They were “living in sin” in the '30s! ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/64 "2010-09-12T06:19:16Z")
After my mother died, I found some safe deposit keys. The bank in question had no problem with me closing her account and walking away with the check, but the **would not** let me open said box. Whatever was in there, it’s gone now, as I just couldn’t fucking deal with those assholes. I’m sure it wasn’t anything important. Maybe some Microsoft stock from 1980, leftover moon rocks from the Apollo missions, South African gold coins-- you know, junkdrawer stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 7:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/65 "2010-09-12T07:28:13Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > My first sister will be in charge of finding out secrets, as she’s the geographically closest. I only expect to hear what she thinks we (me, her, our siblings) should know. I trust her to do right… I thought that about my cousin when our uncle died. He lived 3 miles away, I lived in another state. But my cousin’s family got their panties in a bunch, and my cousin had to bow out, and I had to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 7:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/66 "2010-09-12T07:30:39Z")
> [@Darth\_Nader](#): > > After my mother died, I found some safe deposit keys. The bank in question had no problem with me closing her account and walking away with the check, but the **would not** let me open said box. Whatever was in there, it’s gone now, as I just couldn’t fucking deal with those assholes. > > I’m sure it wasn’t anything important. Maybe some Microsoft stock from 1980, leftover moon rocks from the Apollo missions, South African gold coins-- you know, junkdrawer stuff. Was your name on the account? That’s the only reason I can think that they gave you the money but wouldn’t open the box. If you have court papers making you thr administrator of her the estate, they have to give you access. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Nader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Darth\_Nader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Nader)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/67 "2010-09-12T17:09:34Z")
It was soon after her death. I had a death certificate, her will (sole heir, and executor), and the power of attorney docs. I’m sure I could have fought with 'em longer and maybe succeeded, but, god damn it, I just wasn’t up for it. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/68 "2010-09-12T18:22:18Z")
This secret didn’t come out after my mom’s death (she’s still alive) but after her last sibling died. All our lives we had been told that one of Mom’s brothers had died young of tuberculosis, which was true. But what we hadn’t been told was that he contracted the tuberculosis while in jail or prison for a crime he didn’t commit. The Italian mob was a big force in the old neighborhood and when two young Italian guys got in trouble, they forced my uncle to take the fall for them and go to jail (we aren’t Italian, but Slovene). The threat they used to get him to do this was what they would do to his younger sister if he didn’t. that sister was the one who died not too long ago. When we asked my mom about this event (she was a few years older than her sister) she professed ignorance of the entire thing, and said “I was always the outsider in the family…they never told me anything”. I find it hard to believe that she was totally oblivious to her brother going into jail and the family fighting to get him out when he became ill, but then again…it was obvious to us all our lives that she, and we, were definitely outsiders. Wonder what other scandals she missed out on. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/69 "2010-09-12T18:41:38Z")
> [@Darth\_Nader](#): > > It was soon after her death. I had a death certificate, her will (sole heir, and executor), and the power of attorney docs. I’m sure I could have fought with 'em longer and maybe succeeded, but, god damn it, I just wasn’t up for it. How long ago was this? If the box was “abandoned” the property is supposed to go to the state, which is then supposed to make “reasonable” attempts to find the owner and return it. Usually the institution hangs on to it for a couple years, then it goes to the state, and the state publishes the owner’s name somewhere, Both Ilinois and Wisconsin have a web page where you can look for stuff. I’ve reclaimed money from my dad’s estate, and even found a small amount I left behind in a bank account when I moved 30 years ago. I would not give up on this if I were you. There could be valuable stuff in there. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/70 "2010-09-12T19:00:05Z")
I just went back t the WI website and I found there are three different items listed under my name, all from former employers. Presumably they were checks issued for some things that I never cashed. I will find out in a few weeks when I submit the paperwork to claim them. ---
**Author:** ![velvetjones](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5f9b8f/32.png) [@velvetjones](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/velvetjones)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/71 "2010-09-12T19:33:20Z")
Not my parents and not posthumous but I overheard a conversation at a recent family gathering that floored me. My husband’s aunt who is the childhood friend of my father in law and the widow of his brother said “I always wanted you to love me” to which he replied “I should have married you” My mother in law was in another room at the time. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 12, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/72 "2010-09-12T20:16:45Z")
> [@Darth\_Nader](#): > > It was soon after her death. I had a death certificate, her will (sole heir, and executor), and the power of attorney docs. I’m sure I could have fought with 'em longer and maybe succeeded, but, god damn it, I just wasn’t up for it. Your location says Texas, so on the off-chance your mom was in texas too, here is the [Texas site](http://www.window.state.tx.us/up/) to search for unclaimed property. ---
**Author:** ![maplekiwi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a4c791/32.png) [@maplekiwi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/maplekiwi)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2010, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/73 "2010-09-13T03:15:00Z")
Some interesting stuff here. MY dad just died in May. My youngest sister found out a lot more about his war service from him just before he died & we have found out more ourselves. The last surviving member of Dad’s squadron came to the funeral & we are intending to visit him soon. A minor surprise that we thought him a very tidy man & he was, but he hadn’t thrown out any paperwork since they moved back to NZ in 63 (& last weekend while sorting out stuff for a garage sale I found his Canadian tax returns from the early 60s!) As children we were told we were not allowed to go into my parents’ private drawers/filing cabinets & we never did. Every time he filled up a filing cabinet he bought another one. The house itself to all appearances is tidy (my mum is an immaculate housekeeper, but when you opened a drawer… Mum’s own papers however are neat & orderly. The other was that I remember him being quite rigidly honest - the sort who wouldn’t take so much as a ballpoint pen. Although he never talked about it I knew he had been a Mason in Canada. The newsletters still came to the house for many years after they emigrated here. & Mum a couple of times said that dad should gave given back the diamond. Well after he was gone & we sorted his stuff we found a huge box of mason related paraphernalia. My niece googled & it sounds like he was entitled to keep the diamond, the pocket watch appears to be a personal gift but there is other regalia that should have gone back. Dad packed up the house while Mum was in Nova Scotia with the kids saying goodbye to her parents. I don’t think he could be bothered sorting things out. He also worked for a firm that was part of NZ’s history. My youngest sister was home when a chap writing a book about this firm phoned wanting information. My dad said he didn’t know anything & couldn’t help him. We found about 20 manila folders filled with useful information. :mad: The book has been written but when everything else has settled I may get in touch with the author in case he is wanting to do a reprint. ---
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2010, 5:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/74 "2010-09-13T05:34:29Z")
I sometimes wonder if my mom might have had a miscarriage with some major complications, or barring that, something major must have happened to her. In photos taken before I was born, she was quite large for her height - and had always been big since childhood. But ever since I’ve been around she’s been very petite - even in the face, which seems to be the last place you’d lose weight. When I asked about this as a kid, I was only ever told that before I came into the picture (as the eldest child) she got sick. No other info - just cryptic references to her being “very sick”. And I know she took some "miracle pills’ to be able to have me. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2010, 12:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/75 "2010-09-13T12:21:51Z")
> [@Ann\_Onimous](#): > > > [@Annie-Xmas](#): > > > > Realizing both my parents were blood type A and I was B. > > > [@](#): > > > > DNA testing proved that my mom was my mother, but dad wasn’t my father. I’ve asked around, and nobody admits to knowing nothing. > > Join the club. Both my parents were O, and I’m A. My dad was also in prison during the time that I would have been conceived. My dad doesn’t care, cause to him I’m his regardless: my mom insisted that he was my bio dad. And I’ll never find out, short of putting an ad in the paper asking if anyone slept with my mom in mid-late 1963 or calling Maury Povich. Punchline to a related joke: “well, I didn’t fuck the cow either, but nobody disputes that the calf is mine :p” ---
**Author:** ![Anne\_Neville](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Anne\_Neville](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anne_Neville)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2010, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893/76 "2010-09-13T14:25:09Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > In photos taken before I was born, she was quite large for her height - and had always been big since childhood. But ever since I’ve been around she’s been very petite - even in the face, which seems to be the last place you’d lose weight. Not for everybody. I’m on a diet board that had a thread about where you lose weight first. Some people did lose in the face first. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/secrets-your-parents-left-for-you-to-discover-when-they-died/552893.md?page=3)