# See if I return to YOUR church, then **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 2, 2002, 9:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363 "2002-04-02T09:00:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 12\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363/21 "2002-04-03T05:09:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by heresiarch \* > \*\* > According to scripture, you would spontaneously combust and catechism booklets would rain down from the heavens. > I, uh, don’t remember the exact chapter and verse at the moment. But I’m pretty sure it was from **Paul’s letter to the San Luis Obispoans**. \*\* You made my Catholic fiancé burst out laughing. Now he’s walking around quoting Monty Python and smacking his head (“Ea Jesu domine - smack - Dona e es requiem”). ---
**Author:** ![Jurhael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/cab0a1/32.png) [@Jurhael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jurhael)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363/22 "2002-04-03T05:29:19Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by lorinada \* **Well, tlw, being 44 years old I can hardly be called the “MTV generation”. The problem with church services, as I see it, is not the sermon. It usually lasts about 15 minutes. The problem is the other hour - the announcements, the tired hymns, the offering, the “children’s time”, and “passing the Peace of Christ” etc. etc. The announcements are already in the bulletin, and it is assumed we can all read, so why are they gone over, word for word as they are in the bulletin, each Sunday? Why can’t the offering be accomplished by the deacons standing with their plates in the foyer/narthex or whatever just before or just after the service? Why is this phony “passing the Peace” even done, when a greeting and a hug/handshake are meaningless when something other than sincerity are compelling you to proffer them? And why are the same 10 century-old hymns being sung (or, at another church I attended, the same 10 “hip, new” hymns) with the chorus repeated x number of times? On Sundays, I can’t wait to get to the sermon, because I haven’t yet figured out how any of the rest of the service has to do with worship, and I haven’t yet figured out how to sit through it without being bored.** WOW! Sounds like when I used to go to the Greek Orthodox church! AHAAAH!! The best part for me was the Sermon because then I knew that service was almost over! \*\*The closer I become to God, the less I go to church. I think church gives God a bad name. \*\* Yea, it certainly could… ---
**Author:** ![Curate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/49beb7/32.png) [@Curate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curate)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 7:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363/23 "2002-04-03T07:38:09Z")
I’m behind the pulpit almost every week and I don’t find people moving around in back particularly distracting. In fact, if there’s a fussy baby or I prefer that the parent try to do a little walking around to calm the child. I did have an unusual walking-around-related experience last Sunday, though. Our parish isn’t so big that visitors go unrecognized, and a fairly large group of newcomers was seated on the first few rows. I was planning on introducing myself to them when we passed the peace about halfway through the service, but during the prayers they all stood up, smiled, and left. I’m not the greatest preacher in the world, but my sermons rarely drive entire families out of the building. One of the ushers had the impression that the family had come in believing that we were a Roman Catholic church and only discoverred after the service began that they were in an Episcopal church. Apparently we need a better sign. ---
**Author:** ![Wikkit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wikkit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wikkit)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363/24 "2002-04-03T11:12:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tlw \* > **Okay, this is the pit, so I’m going to let loose in my underspoken, TLW kind of way.** Still the pit, and I think I’ll go with a weak sarcastic kind of way.\*\* > [@](#): > > What is this nonsense about a church service being “too long.” Even if a church service clocks in at two hours, it is still shorter than a play, a concert, and most (worthwhile) movies, and you don’t have to shell out cash to go to church.\*\* Don’t have to, but it seems to be expected at a lot of them. There’s some entertainment value in even non-worthwhile movies that is absent from the church services I’ve attended.\*\* > [@](#): > > But more importantly. you go to church to interact with, and hear from GOD, you know, the Almighty, the Creator of the Universe, the Holy One?\*\* Funny, all I ever heard from was the long winded pastor. He might have been God, but I think God would have kids who don’t act like ‘the pastors kids’.\*\* > [@](#): > > How can spending two hours, once a week, in the company of like minded people, worshipping the Author of All Life be _too long_?\*\* When I spend quality time with people we don’t usually sing songs at each other out of key or listen to why some guy we don’t really like explain how little he knows about his religion.\*\* > [@](#): > > Now maybe when your pastor starts in on his/her sermons, you don’t feed like you’re hearing from God anymore. That’s a signal that you need to find another church.\*\* Yeah, they usually don’t like it when you eat during the sermon, especially when you throw food at the pastor. Anyway, why find another church? All your friends go to that church, and all your marketing time will be wasted if you switch now.\*\* > [@](#): > > But this too long business is just stupid. If God isn’t worth two hours of your time once a week, you need to reevaluate your priorities. \*\* I agree with this. If he isn’t worth two hours, he isn’t worth any. I go with any. Ben ---
**Author:** ![Wikkit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wikkit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wikkit)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363/25 "2002-04-03T11:16:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by featherlou \* > \*\*Just a little (I hope) hijack - hypothetically, what would happen if I, a Pantheist Neo-Christian, were to partake of communion in a Catholic church? \*\* Obviously, they’d have to charge you. It’s just some stale bread and a bit of grape juice, after all. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363/26 "2002-04-03T18:45:48Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by **tlw** _ > > How can spending two hours, once a week, in the company of like minded people, worshipping the Author of All Life be _too long_? ‘Cause it’s all bunk n’ hooey! (Oh, damn, I said that out loud, didn’t I? Will I go to hell for that? 😃 ) > [@](#): > > If God isn’t worth two hours of your time once a week, you need to reevaluate your priorities. Atheism - it’s the _waaaaaaaaaaave_ of the future! 😃 Y’all are such amateurs - try going to a Unitarian Universalist church service if RC’s or Baptists are getting you down. You’ll get what you need (we are, after all, a “come as you are” religion, and somewhere you’ll find your religion), nobody minds if you sit, stand, yawn, or stare at the squirrel out the window (and our minister admitted that she’s done as much in sermons herself), a wide range of music from liturgical to pop, and if a baby starts to cry, our minister _stops the service_ and asks the mother to take it outside. Now _that’s_ religion! 😃 Esprix ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363/27 "2002-04-03T19:04:27Z")
> [@](#): > > How can spending two hours, once a week, in the company of like minded people, worshipping the Author of All Life be too long? I agree that the younger generation needs to return to the religion of their fathers. Why, I can recall as a young’un how we could spend all day at the sacrifices as the priests ripped the hearts from the chests of warriors and offered the still-beating organs to Huitzlopochtli, the god of war. Nowadays, the modern generation can barely spend an hour at the Great Temple and not even wait to get the blood splashed on them properly, as a devout person ought to do. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363/28 "2002-04-03T21:00:06Z")
Because God isn’t stupid. Don’t you think he can tell when people are sitting there, bored off their asses? How is THAT showing duty to God? How is that helping him? He knows what you’re thinking-he can tell. I think he’d tell you to get lost. I don’t think church should be about boredom, or entertainment. It should be about YOU getting closer to God. When I’m in church, I generally sit there and meditate on things. I sit there and try to relax, and just think about God and why I’m there. That’s all. A little bit of peaceful reflection. Take some time out to think about things. THAT is what church should be about-getting closer to God. Not sitting there, going through the motions because it’s your duty. Because then it doesn’t mean jackshit. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 9:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363/29 "2002-04-03T21:50:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cardinal \* > \*\* > C: You’re actually going to make an issue of this? > > SU: Yes. > > \*\* I can’t believe you made an issue of this. You were a guest in their church… ever hear of “when in rome…”? When you stood up, if the Usher asked you to sit, you should have sat or you should have just left sans look of disgust. What’s the difference between this and the following situation: You are invited to dinner at a friend’s mom house. They ask you to please remove your shoes per their custom. F’s M: Can you please remove your shoes? Cardinal: No… SU: I would really appreciate it if you took them off. C: You’re actually going to make an issue of this? f’s m: Yes. C: Why? f’s m:In my culture it is a lack of respect to leave your shoes on. C: By taking my shoes off? SU: Yes. Honestly, I would have found your behavior boorish, too, because the way your conversation reads it was a battle of the wills and you simply were arguing to be difficult. damn, he just asked you sit down. It’s not like he asked you to sever your arm. ---
**Author:** ![Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5fc32e/32.png) [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2002, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363/30 "2002-04-03T21:53:13Z")
I don’t know how, but that damn SU crashed your friend’s mom’s dinner… 😃 that should reaf “F’s M” and not SU! ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363/31 "2002-04-04T00:41:57Z")
\*I have rarely, if ever, gone to church to communicate with God. I have gone to church because my parents forced me or for the social interaction during my early teenage years. God was not a part of the equation. \* _I have a very strong bias against the “church is where you communicate with God” mindset because I think it’s horseshit. I don’t get close to God because some man behind a pulpit says I should. The only time during a service that I am close to God is when I am immersed in the music, and during communion. The sermon, the scripture readings? Well, if they work for the other congregation members, fine, but they don’t do anything for me._ Hmm? I don’t think church is the only place that one can communicate with God, either. I don’t find it easy or always fun to attend, but I do think that there is a great deal of strength in learning to get along with people we might not agree with, or necessarily like, but with whom we share a faith. (slight hijack, not directed at anyone) I don’t like the idea that a church is there entirely to make one feel good, like taking e, going clubbing, or hanging out with friends. Like it or not, worship is at least partly a community activity. One of the things I appreciate about church is that I don’t pick the people who go there. If I did, it would be entirely composed of peole who agreed with me, and to quote Kathleen Norris, “that’s not a church but a political party” 🙂 I think that community should be founded in diversity, and that God does a pretty good job of it when it comes to churches… not picking on you, **Nocturne** , just sounding off. “The only hypocrite I have to worry about on Sunday morning is myself.” ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2002, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363/32 "2002-04-04T04:36:39Z")
> [@](#): > > Not sitting there, going through the motions because it’s your duty. Because then it doesn’t mean jackshit. Actually, it does mean jackshit. It’s the difference between paying regular tuition and non-parishoner tuition. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/see-if-i-return-to-your-church-then/101363.md?page=1)