# Seeking Emotional Abuse Resources **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 5, 2015, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865 "2015-04-05T09:54:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2015, 9:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/1 "2015-04-05T09:54:21Z")
Wondering if anyone can point me in the direction of resources for those in emotionally abusive family relationships, specifically in dealing with family who can’t recognize or acknowledge that the situation is an abusive one. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2015, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/2 "2015-04-05T21:25:51Z")
Bump. ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [April 5, 2015, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/3 "2015-04-05T21:53:47Z")
Subscribing because I have an aunt in a similar situation and would love to point her to anything (beyond the therapy that she already gets) that might help. ---
**Author:** ![Whatever4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@Whatever4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whatever4)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/4 "2015-04-06T04:27:00Z")
Check out The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense by Suzette Elgin. I found it very helpful. ---
**Author:** ![jimbuff314](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c57346/32.png) [@jimbuff314](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimbuff314)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/5 "2015-04-06T04:53:10Z")
**Eliahna** , I found [this](http://www.wire.org.au/) in a Google search. It sounds like it could be helpful. > [@](#): > > WIRE Women’s Information provides Victorian women with free and confidential support, information and referrals on any issues statewide. We take time to listen to and support women like you via our Women’s Support Line, our Women’s Information Centre, our online chat and email support services Next paragraph : > [@](#): > > Last year more than 12,000 women contacted us for information, support and referrals. Women of all ages and from all walks of life in Victoria contact us about matters such as family relationships and legal issues; domestic/family violence; housing and homelessness; emotional well-being; mental health—anxiety, fear, stress and depression; and job search, study options and community volunteering. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 12:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/6 "2015-04-06T12:42:49Z")
Thanks. It’s not for me, it’s for a guy, but I’ll keep that service in mind just in case. Does anyone have any anecdotes or advice? The situation is one where the mother is emotionally abusive, the father is a passive enabler, the two (adult) sons are treated like dirt and the (adult) daughter is treated like gold, though that comes with its own form of abuse where obligations are used to control and dominate her life. One of the sons got tired of the abuse and tried to terminate his relationship with his mother, only to have the sister and the father come to mother’s defence and cut him out, with a heaping dose of emotional blackmail and manipulation to drag him back in after they’d sufficiently punished him. He values those relationships too much to let them go, so he has capitulated. Now he seems resigned to his father and sister never seeing that his mother’s behavior is abuse. He’s excusing them on the grounds that they don’t get that they have essentially forced him back into an unhealthy, abusive relationship he doesn’t want to have with a woman he despises. They simply don’t understand it’s abuse. At that point he seems to give up, believing there’s nothing he can do. His aim is to see as little of the mother as possible and try to enjoy the time he can spend with his father and sister now they’ve laid down their weapons and are treating him like family again. Surely that can’t be the end of it? There must be other people who’ve dealt with similar situations. Is there a good way to reach out to the victims-slash-family of narcissistic abusers and help them to see that it’s not “just mum’s way”? That it is actually abuse, and unacceptable? I know there’s no such thing as a technique that would work on everyone, but I find it hard to accept that he has no options at all, especially as he’s now the family villain who they have forgiven out of the goodness of their hearts despite his cruel treatment of poor mum. The other brother gets it, but has mental health issues that make it easy for his family to dismiss anything he says. ---
**Author:** ![eclectic\_wench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ac91a4/32.png) [@eclectic\_wench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eclectic_wench)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/7 "2015-04-06T13:00:58Z")
In a rush - don’t know any sites about abuse but I do remember reading about one for families of narcissists. That might be an angle to try. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/8 "2015-04-06T13:30:30Z")
> [@eclectic\_wench](#): > > In a rush - don’t know any sites about abuse but I do remember reading about one for families of narcissists. That might be an angle to try. They seem to advocate cutting off the family who side with the abuser. I’ve been looking through them all day trying to find answers for someone who values those relationships too much to end them. ---
**Author:** ![Wesley\_Clark](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wesley_clark/32/20581_2.png) [@Wesley\_Clark](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wesley_Clark)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/9 "2015-04-06T14:22:28Z")
Beverly Engel or Patricia Evans write books about verbal and emotional abuse. No idea about dealing with a narcissist though, I failed pretty badly at that. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/10 "2015-04-06T23:33:30Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > Beverly Engel or Patricia Evans write books about verbal and emotional abuse. No idea about dealing with a narcissist though, I failed pretty badly at that. Thanks. Checking them out. ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2015, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/11 "2015-04-06T23:50:02Z")
You might find something useful at [Captain Awkward](http://captainawkward.com/). Search for “Darth Vader”. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/12 "2015-04-07T03:40:27Z")
> [@ENugent](#): > > You might find something useful at [Captain Awkward](http://captainawkward.com/). Search for “Darth Vader”. This is brilliant! The Darth Vader stuff had some overlap, but then I found the story of Alice - whose behavior may not the same plant but is definitely a weed from the same botanical family - and that’s lead into some really interesting and insightful stuff. Thank you! ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 12:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/13 "2015-04-07T12:22:07Z")
Was coming in to recommend Captain Awkward, so I’ll second her instead! ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Hedonia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ann_hedonia/32/319_2.png) [@Ann\_Hedonia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Hedonia)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2015, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/14 "2015-04-07T13:45:02Z")
Is alcohol a factor? If so, you should definitely check out Al-Anon. If not, you might want to check it out anyway, it looks like they have lots of podcasts and message boards and the like, and the majority of them seem to deal specifically with narcissism and emotional abuse. ---
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/15 "2015-04-08T05:15:22Z")
> [@Ann\_Hedonia](#): > > Is alcohol a factor? > > If so, you should definitely check out Al-Anon. If not, you might want to check it out anyway, it looks like they have lots of podcasts and message boards and the like, and the majority of them seem to deal specifically with narcissism and emotional abuse. Alcohol isn’t a factor. I followed up on this suggestion anyway, and have been blown away by how useful it has been. Codependency is definitely major contributing factor here and I foresee progress through addressing it. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Imp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58956e/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Imp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Imp)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 6:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/16 "2015-04-08T18:51:20Z")
Saw this book linked on CA and thought of you! [The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists: Coping with the One-Way Relationship in Work, Love, and Family by Eleanor D. Payson | Goodreads](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/116590.The_Wizard_of_Oz_and_Other_Narcissists) ---
**Author:** ![Fallen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e99b99/32.png) [@Fallen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fallen)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2015, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-emotional-abuse-resources/716865/17 "2015-04-08T18:55:04Z")
Even if there isn’t physical violence, most national domestic abuse hotlines can point you in the right direction in terms of local resources. Ultimately, what can be done depends on your goal. Rather obviously, the person has to want to get help and no amount of shoving brochures or other information in his/her face will change the mindset. However irrational it may seem to another, it’s a matter of that torture being a comfort zone, thinking it’s deserved, whatever.