# Seeking innovative vengeance - please help... **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 6, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498 "2003-05-06T20:33:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Sidewinder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@Sidewinder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sidewinder)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/1 "2003-05-06T20:33:25Z")
Without boring you with the details, I want some vengeful-deity style revenge on my ex-wife. The short version of the story: She ran off with my (married) best friend, leaving me to clean up a huge financial mess that she left behind. It has been a few years, but I recently learned that she’s back in my area. She’s an asshat, but I’d like to find an elegant way to make sure she knows that. Judging from the bile and vitriol spewed forth here daily, I thought maybe y’all would like to help me exact my vengeance. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/2 "2003-05-06T20:36:29Z")
Anything illegal won’t be allowed here. The best revenge, my friend, is to live well. It should be obvious how much better you are doing now than then. Haj ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/3 "2003-05-06T20:42:07Z")
Do you have access to her home? Do you know her e-mail address? I can think of a million fun things you could do. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/4 "2003-05-06T20:44:30Z")
Oreo her car. It’s harmless, and besides, you can’t trace an Oreo. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/5 "2003-05-06T20:49:12Z")
First, find out where she works. When she’s leaving work one day, wait till she’s walking down the street. Fill a bunch of pillows with $100 bills, but make sure they can fall out. Drive by in a Bentley full of strippers, having a pillow fight, laughing, whilst money floats all over the inside of the vehicle. Don’t forget to laugh real hard to make your ex think you’re enjoying yourself. That should teach her. ---
**Author:** ![Sidewinder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@Sidewinder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sidewinder)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/6 "2003-05-06T20:52:19Z")
I’m not interested in anything destructive or illegal. I’m after more of the psychological trauma sort of revenge. I know her e-mail address, and I’m pretty sure I’ve found her home phone number, address, and I think I know where she works. AFAIK, she doesn’t know where I am. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/7 "2003-05-06T20:54:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sidewinder \* > **I’m after more of the psychological trauma sort of revenge.** That would be called stalking. Trust me - stick with the Oreos. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/8 "2003-05-06T20:58:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Sidewinder \* > \*\*I know her e-mail address, and I’m pretty sure I’ve found her home phone number, address, \*\* Spam, telemarketers, and unsolicited mass mailings might interest her. ---
**Author:** ![slice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@slice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slice)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/9 "2003-05-06T21:00:11Z")
_Sweet Revenge_ by Regina Barreca. Check your local bookstore. And um, living well is the best revenge. Yeah. ---
**Author:** ![hajario](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hajario/32/171_2.png) [@hajario](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hajario)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/10 "2003-05-06T21:07:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tdn \* > \*\*Spam, telemarketers, and unsolicited mass mailings might interest her. \*\* Here we go. I knew this was coming. She screws you over in just about the worst possible way and you’ll…sign her up for junk mail? What kind of lame-ass revenge is that? It’s like a minor annoyance that she won’t even recognize as an attack. That is Jr. High level vengence at best. Seriously, anything that she truely deserves probably can’t be discussed here. The other stuff are silly pranks. The best thing that you can do for yourself is to live a great life and never think about her anymore. This has the added benefit of being rightous revenge. Haj ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/11 "2003-05-06T21:20:50Z")
By the way the longer you think of this bullshit, the longer she wins. She’s already winning because she most likely hasn’t thought about you for years. Move on with your life, people who are currently in prison once had the some thoughts you are having at this moment. Let it go. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/12 "2003-05-06T21:23:30Z")
Revenge never solved anything- and when it is found out, leads either to a cycle of more revenge, or sharing a cell with “Bubba”. Don’t do it. Ok, if you must. Find out when she will be going to a social event, like a ball or something. Show up in a real spiffy leased car, in a super nice suit, and get somebodies trophy wife or even an escort (nothing trashy looking though) to go with you and gaze at you adoringly. Find one of the bigwigs at the event- who is also divorced. Explain the situation. Get him to make a fuss over you- maybe call out your name & have you stand up- as a “great guy and a major asset to the communtity”. He’ll do it- (Hell- I’d do it), he has walked a mile in your moccasins. This will make her jaw drop, think she made a huge mistake, and make her feel lower than snake shit. And- it is all legal, and better- not immoral. Don’t do any of that immature cheap juvenile and illegal crap. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/13 "2003-05-06T21:34:33Z")
I love the $100 bill idea – lovely! But think how you’ll feel when she says: “Sidewinder? Is that you? Oh, dear – I thought you were over me by now. But that really is a sweet gesture; I’m really touched that you wanted to make an impression on me. Listen, call me sometime!” Live well. Daniel ---
**Author:** ![Sidewinder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/53a042/32.png) [@Sidewinder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sidewinder)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/14 "2003-05-06T21:38:53Z")
Wow, I must admit to being impressed. I thought I had better post this in the Pit for fear of eliciting a slew of “dead gopher in a coffee can” responses that might not be appropriate elsewhere. Keep 'em coming… ---
**Author:** ![Pedro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/919ad9/32.png) [@Pedro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pedro)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/15 "2003-05-06T22:01:14Z")
World Eater, thanks for the laugh! Sidewinder that’s got to hurt, I wish you well. But it doesn’t bode well for you that you are tracking her down. I’d just run across her on the mall or something and ignore her. If she talks to you I’d just say “What makes you think I have any interest in talking to you? Goodbye, take care… or don’t, either way leave me alone”. Say it naturally and chalk it up to yourself as “letting go”. Remember - she’s history and you are better off now! Maybe it’ll peak her interest too and give you new opportunities to show her just how much she has been forgotten as a bad mistake. I absolutely guaranty you (like other posters) that nothing will rub her off more than knowing you pulled yourself together and are doing well. ---
**Author:** ![Pedro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/919ad9/32.png) [@Pedro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pedro)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/16 "2003-05-06T22:11:29Z")
Actually forget what I said since “running into her” would probably require you to follow her around. ---
**Author:** ![FranticMad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c68b51/32.png) [@FranticMad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FranticMad)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/17 "2003-05-06T22:39:00Z")
I’m not really comfortable with the idea that you might boil her rabbit. If it’s been a few years and you’re still thinking about pschological revenge, then getting away from you was the smartest thing she ever did. I suggest you find a hobby to take your mind off your misery. Oh, make some friends too. Don’t drive by her place to see if she’s in. Rent the video “War of the Roses” and watch it. Get your own life and leave hers alone. She’s already proven that she’s smarter and meaner than you, so revenge will only give her an excuse to really fuck you up next time. Then you’ll be crying to us about the restraining order and the unfairness of probation. Get a massage instead. ---
**Author:** ![Pedro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/919ad9/32.png) [@Pedro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pedro)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/18 "2003-05-06T23:02:24Z")
Hey FranticMad, fuck you. Easy enough to say, how would you feel if your wife/husband ran away with your best friend and left you a mess? > [@](#): > > She’s already proven that she’s smarter and meaner than you, so revenge will only give her an excuse to really fuck you up next time. Then you’ll be crying to us about the restraining order and the unfairness of probation. Did he cry about anything? :rolleyes: You’re an idiot. ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/19 "2003-05-06T23:31:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by FranticMad \* > \*\*She’s already proven that she’s smarter and meaner than you, \*\* How has she done that? ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2003, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498/20 "2003-05-06T23:49:30Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by World Eater \* > First, find out where she works. > > When she’s leaving work one day, wait till she’s walking down the street. > > Fill a bunch of pillows with $100 bills, but make sure they can fall out. > > Drive by in a Bentley full of strippers, having a pillow fight, laughing, whilst money floats all over the inside of the vehicle. > > Don’t forget to laugh real hard to make your ex think you’re enjoying yourself. > > That should teach her. Haha! The biggest laugh I’ve had in a while. Thanks. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seeking-innovative-vengeance-please-help/173498.md?page=2)