# Seemingly Innocuous Last Names That You'd Refuse to Live With **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 14, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473 "2012-08-14T15:32:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![drastic\_quench](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e36b37/32.png) [@drastic\_quench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drastic_quench)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/1 "2012-08-14T15:32:04Z")
So you head off to the courthouse to change it on your 18th birthday, family be damned. Bold them, please. I could not live my life as a **Roach**. I don’t care if I’m Hal Roach III. I believe people are impressionistic, and I don’t want an uphill battle every time I introduce myself wherein I have to start by inserting a disgusting image into peoples’ minds and then winning them over. **Finger**. Ever since middle school, I’ve known this to be a verb. A filthy, filthy, hilarious verb. I couldn’t live down the shame of being even something as innocuous as “Steve Finger” let alone a true howler like “Armand Finger” or “Harry Finger.” It’s worse for girl names. ---
**Author:** ![Colophon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Colophon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colophon)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/2 "2012-08-14T15:34:11Z")
Anything -bottom. Winterbottom, Higginbottom, Sidebottom (which is the worst of all, a mere 90 degrees from Frontbottom). Also, names like Biggins and Wiggins I find inexplicably horrid and ugly, although strangely I could live with Higgins. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/3 "2012-08-14T15:36:19Z")
I know a fellow whose last name is ‘Butland’. No, thank you. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/4 "2012-08-14T15:46:52Z")
> [@drastic\_quench](#): > > So you head off to the courthouse to change it on your 18th birthday, family be damned. Bold them, please. > > I could not live my life as a **Roach**. I don’t care if I’m Hal Roach III. I believe people are impressionistic, and I don’t want an uphill battle every time I introduce myself wherein I have to start by inserting a disgusting image into peoples’ minds and then winning them over. > > **Finger**. Ever since middle school, I’ve known this to be a verb. A filthy, filthy, hilarious verb. I couldn’t live down the shame of being even something as innocuous as “Steve Finger” let alone a true howler like “Armand Finger” or “Harry Finger.” It’s worse for girl names. Huh. I went to high school with a Roach and a Finger, both female. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/5 "2012-08-14T16:40:58Z")
The last name Hogg is problematic. Even more so, if your parents name you [Ima](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ima_Hogg). ---
**Author:** ![Diceman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/22d042/32.png) [@Diceman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diceman)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/6 "2012-08-14T16:50:22Z")
A few months ago, I came across a woman named Gail **Snodgrass** :eek: Bonus: she lives in West Virginia. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/7 "2012-08-14T16:54:30Z")
Mullett was a common family name where I grew up. Early on, I always thought of a fish, and now I think of bad haircuts. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/8 "2012-08-14T16:54:35Z")
Hoare Goodick I have worked with gentlemen with both these last names. ---
**Author:** ![Sudden\_Kestrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Sudden\_Kestrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sudden_Kestrel)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/9 "2012-08-14T16:59:42Z")
I would not want to live with the name **Kuntz**. **Whitehead** is another one that would bother me. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/10 "2012-08-14T17:01:43Z")
If your German Immigrants were lucky, at Ellis Island their last name would be Anglicised from **Fuchs** to Fox ---
**Author:** ![Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/son_of_a_rich/32/5439_2.png) [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Son_of_a_Rich)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/11 "2012-08-14T17:03:04Z")
Seman or Cockburn would be awful names to attend Jr High with. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/12 "2012-08-14T17:08:44Z")
Peed. There’s a Peed Plumbing near here, and there used to be a local sheriff named Carl Peed. I always felt a pang of sympathy for what it must have been like for him as a kid at roll call: “Carl Peed. Here.” The other kids probably snickered every day, “Ewww, right at his desk!” Maybe that’s why he went into law enforcement. ---
**Author:** ![nate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nate/32/13085_2.png) [@nate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nate)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/13 "2012-08-14T17:09:18Z")
I know a girl with the last name Buttram. I don’t think she’s married yet, though. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/14 "2012-08-14T17:21:20Z")
Dick Cocaine Yes, I knew people with those names. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/15 "2012-08-14T17:21:57Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > Dick > > Cocaine > > Yes, I knew people with those names. I just met a ‘Cocayne’ in the last month! He is a cop. True. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/16 "2012-08-14T17:22:01Z")
> [@nate](#): > > I know a girl with the last name Buttram. I don’t think she’s married yet, though. Used to work with a guy whose last name was Butt, which would be even worse. ---
**Author:** ![M.Constant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3ab097/32.png) [@M.Constant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/M.Constant)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/17 "2012-08-14T17:22:32Z")
Hyman. And to make it worse, his first name was Manual. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/18 "2012-08-14T17:26:17Z")
> [@nate](#): > > I know a girl with the last name Buttram. I don’t think she’s married yet, though. Reminds me of the aptronym of the proctologist called Anil Ram. I wouldn’t want to have the surname Ram even without that first name, even though at frist blush it seems strong and masculine. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/19 "2012-08-14T17:29:38Z")
> [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > I just met a ‘Cocayne’ in the last month! > > He is a cop. True. The Cocaine that I know doesn’t play well with cops. And when they ask what his name is, things never go well. ---
**Author:** ![freckafree](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/freckafree/32/3050_2.png) [@freckafree](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/freckafree)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2012, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473/20 "2012-08-14T17:34:23Z")
Branstool, which seems to be a fairly common family name in Ohio. There are also a lot of people named Spittle around here. I’ll take a pass on both of those. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seemingly-innocuous-last-names-that-youd-refuse-to-live-with/631473.md?page=2)