# Seems like girlfriend isn't being honest **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 2, 2015, 10:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999 "2015-03-02T10:14:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2015, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/41 "2015-03-03T00:24:08Z")
> [@usedtobe](#): > > O Look! > > Another 1st post by someone with a relationship problem. > > We hardly ever get these! And all in one paragraph too! ---
**Author:** ![Giraffe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giraffe/32/129_2.png) [@Giraffe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giraffe)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2015, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/42 "2015-03-03T00:45:30Z")
> [@Pursuitofhappiness](#): > > The issue is that I do not want to be lied to. While I can live with her smoking, I am not cool at all with being lied to about it. Yes, you are. She’s obviously lying to you, you’re putting up with it. You can tell us what you want reality to be until you’re blue in the face, but reality is what reality is. You can either complain about it, do something about it, or accept it. I recommend the second one. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2015, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/43 "2015-03-03T14:52:41Z")
> [@Drunky\_Smurf](#): > > Never get into a relationship with someone who snorts the marijuana. Right back achoo, square! ---
**Author:** ![PookahMacPhellimey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pookahmacphellimey/32/3175_2.png) [@PookahMacPhellimey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PookahMacPhellimey)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2015, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/44 "2015-03-03T16:55:28Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > No it isn’t. What are you talking about? > > I give you $20 to go to the store and buy some milk which I know costs $5. I TRUST you to bring back the right change. You come back and tell me the milk costs $12. Not only that, you have powdered sugar on your shirt and I know your sweet tooth weakness. Looks like you just enjoyed yourself some donuts. But you assure me you haven’t as you hand me $8 in change. Should I just accept the sudden steep rise in the price of milk as “the end of it”? We’re not saying that the OP or anyone else should blindly trust untrustworthy people. We are saying that once you decide a person can’t be trusted (regardless of whether you are right of wrong about it), it’s not a good idea to be dating that person. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2015, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/45 "2015-03-03T17:08:30Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > No it isn’t. What are you talking about? > > I give you $20 to go to the store and buy some milk which I know costs $5. I TRUST you to bring back the right change. You come back and tell me the milk costs $12. Not only that, you have powdered sugar on your shirt and I know your sweet tooth weakness. Looks like you just enjoyed yourself some donuts. But you assure me you haven’t as you hand me $8 in change. Should I just accept the sudden steep rise in the price of milk as “the end of it”? It depends. Do you trust me? Or do you think I’m the kind of person who would steal doughnut money and lie to your face about it? If you trust me then - you believe me and you give me the benefit of the doubt as to why I have powdered sugar on my shirt. (And I probably do! I nearly always have something on my shirt! Ask me about it - it might be a good story!) If it’s the latter, then you should just move on - regardless of whether you’re right or wrong about your suspicions. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2015, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/46 "2015-03-03T17:28:58Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > It depends. Do you trust me? Or do you think I’m the kind of person who would steal doughnut money and lie to your face about it? > > If you trust me then - you believe me and you give me the benefit of the doubt as to why I have powdered sugar on my shirt. (And I probably do! I nearly always have something on my shirt! Ask me about it - it might be a good story!) > > If it’s the latter, then you should just move on - regardless of whether you’re right or wrong about your suspicions. If I didn’t trust you, I’d never have given you the $20 in the first place. But since I did and since you’ve proven yourself un-trustworthy - which the OP’s girlfriend appears to have done - continuing to trust you would be a foolish decision on my part. So it isn’t just that you have powdered sugar on your shirt. It’s that you short changed me and told me an obvious lie about the price of milk. In terms of the OP, who seems have first hand experience with what being stoned on pot looks like, the trust he put in his girlfriend is undermined by the (obvious to him) lie she told about not smoking pot with her cow-orkers. In either case, it’s unfair to expect him to continue to trust, as illustrated by this quote: “Trust is an action, not a feeling. You asked her, she said no. If you trust her then that’s the end of it.” It reads to me like you’re actually encouraging the OP to continue to trust in the face of evidence to the contrary. Unless I’m reading you wrong. I’m realizing now that what you might be saying when you say, “that’s the end of it”, is that that’s the end of the trust(relationship) he thought he had to this point. Am I parsing things you’re saying incorrectly? Apologies, if I am. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2015, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/47 "2015-03-03T17:31:40Z")
Yes, she is still smoking. Did that help you any? Look, judging by your reference to her being in school, and the tone of your posts, I’m going to guess that both you and she are young - probably high school, but maybe college. In that case, you should know that it is ok to get in relationships, decide that they aren’t right, and move on. Each time, you’ll learn a little about yourself and want you want - or need - in a partner, which makes you a little bit better able to develop longer, more meaningful relationships as you get older. So, you’ve learned that you don’t want to date a perpetual stoner. No biggie. Break up with her and start meeting the girls in the advanced classes who are more motivated for success. Good luck! ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2015, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/48 "2015-03-03T21:05:12Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > It depends. Do you trust me? Or do you think I’m the kind of person who would steal doughnut money and lie to your face about it? > > If you trust me then - you believe me and you give me the benefit of the doubt as to why I have powdered sugar on my shirt. Okay, fine. Why is there powdered sugar in your nose? ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/49 "2015-03-05T00:42:27Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Yes, she is still smoking. > > Did that help you any? Look, judging by your reference to her being in school, and the tone of your posts, I’m going to guess that both you and she are young - probably high school, but maybe college. In that case, you should know that it is ok to get in relationships, decide that they aren’t right, and move on. Each time, you’ll learn a little about yourself and want you want - or need - in a partner, which makes you a little bit better able to develop longer, more meaningful relationships as you get older. > > So, you’ve learned that you don’t want to date a perpetual stoner. No biggie. Break up with her and start meeting the girls in the advanced classes who are more motivated for success. > > Good luck! Drive by posting, but this is sound advice. ---
**Author:** ![Moriarty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/moriarty/32/49_2.png) [@Moriarty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moriarty)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/50 "2015-03-05T00:52:48Z")
> [@Cabin\_Fever](#): > > Drive by posting, but this is sound advice. Thanks? (I do apologize for not posting enough to be a known persona around here, but how many posts to this thread are required before my contribution isn’t a mere “drive by”). ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/51 "2015-03-05T20:43:21Z")
Whether she’s smoking or not, it doesn’t sound like the two of you are compatible. ---
**Author:** ![Merneith](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/52 "2015-03-05T21:51:38Z")
> [@QuickSilver](#): > > If I didn’t trust you, I’d never have given you the $20 in the first place. But since I did and since you’ve proven yourself un-trustworthy - which the OP’s girlfriend appears to have done - continuing to trust you would be a foolish decision on my part. > > So it isn’t just that you have powdered sugar on your shirt. It’s that you short changed me and told me an obvious lie about the price of milk. I have not proved myself untrustworthy in your example. I can think of half a dozen reasons why I have powdered sugar on my shirt, including, but not limited to: - There were donut samples and I had a few. - I bought myself a donut using my own money, not your change - I haven’t washed this shirt since the last time I ate donuts. - I was just baking something when you asked me to run out - That ain’t powdered sugar, son The presence of powdered sugar doesn’t prove that I stole your money to pay for it. Your insistence that I must be a thief means we shouldn’t be dating. (And also that you can run your own stupid errands next time.) > [@](#): > > It reads to me like you’re actually encouraging the OP to continue to trust in the face of evidence to the contrary. > > Unless I’m reading you wrong. I’m realizing now that what you might be saying when you say, “that’s the end of it”, is that that’s the end of the trust(relationship) he thought he had to this point. > > Am I parsing things you’re saying incorrectly? Apologies, if I am. Well, sort of. I’m partly saying that I don’t think the OP has evidence that proves his girlfriend is smoking. He has evidence that raised his suspicions, but that’s not the same thing. And I’m also saying that no one here knows the girlfriend (and we’re only hearing one side of this) so no one here can really say what’s up with her. Mostly I’m saying if the op wants the relationship to survive, he needs to let it go and give her the benefit of the doubt. If he can’t do that, then the relationship is over whether she’s guilty or not. ---
**Author:** ![Learjeff](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/94ad74/32.png) [@Learjeff](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Learjeff)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/53 "2015-03-05T22:00:41Z")
My suggestion, if you’re at all serious about her. Apologize for being in her face about smoking, and that it’s her business whether she gets high or not. Tell her you won’t ask again, and that she can feel free to talk about it, though you might need to work on not being a jerk about it. Then let it go. Make it a non-issue, and forget about it. If she’s a liar, other things will come up and you’ll find out. Don’t worry about it, that’s not giving her the respect she’s due. If it happens and you find out, it’ll hurt. But in the long run, it’ll hurt a lot more to mistrust a trustworthy person. This really isn’t about her; it’s about you. ---
**Author:** ![Honey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honey/32/5074_2.png) [@Honey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Honey)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2015, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/54 "2015-03-05T22:56:11Z")
> [@Moriarty](#): > > Thanks? > (I do apologize for not posting enough to be a known persona around here, but how many posts to this thread are required before my contribution isn’t a mere “drive by”). I think **Cabin\_Fever** was talking about himself being the drive-by poster, not you. He was just driving by to say that he agreed. At least I hope so, otherwise it was rude. I agree also, very good advice. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![handsomeharry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e9c0ed/32.png) [@handsomeharry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handsomeharry)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/55 "2015-03-06T00:30:43Z")
> [@Merneith](#): > > How the hell should we know? I don’t think the OP asked us what we knew of the situation; he asked us what we think, in this IMHO thread. My guess is that she’s still smoking, and, your goofiness is compelling her to keep quiet about it. Your harping about ‘just wanting the truth’ sounds a bit judgmental and strange. If you don’t care, why should you ‘want the truth?’ If course, your answer will be that stuff about ‘honesty between lovers, etc…’ but, why do you have to keep badgering her about an answer? If she’s hot, keep her; if not, use the smoke as an excuse to drop her. ---
**Author:** ![Arrendajo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Arrendajo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arrendajo)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2015, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999/56 "2015-03-06T01:51:58Z")
What does she see in you? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seems-like-girlfriend-isnt-being-honest/713999.md?page=2)