# Seen on a sign across from Wal-Mart. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 6, 2006, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630 "2006-05-06T01:28:41Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 1:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/1 "2006-05-06T01:28:41Z")
Across from the local wal-mart, there is an undeveloped lot with a large “for sale” sign on it. Underneath this sign, a woman had placed two large pieces of cardboard with this written in sharpie. > [@](#): > > WAS IT YOUR CHILD THAT FOUND THE USED CONDOM AND BLEW IT UP LIKE A BALLOON I FOUND TWO MORE IN THIS VERY LOT CEASE ALL FORNICATION AND HOMOSEXUALITY OR JESUS WILL > STOP BLAMING GOD FOR DISEASES. What made this slightly more ridiculous was that the woman who had apparently written the sign was there, peeking above the sign and scowling at people who drove by. Today was a funny kind of day. ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/2 "2006-05-06T01:34:03Z")
I’d like to find where she lives and make condom-wiener dogs and tie them to the antenna of her car. > **[Dumbfounded by this woman's logic.](https://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=370383)** > > We’ve had a previous thread on Westboro Baptist Church and their ridiculous tirade against…well…everyone. Someone sent me this video the other day, though, and I can’t find it anywhere on here. Most of you have probably already seen it, though. ... I think they’re spreading. Terminate with extreme prejudice. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/3 "2006-05-06T01:34:58Z")
Wait…Jesus is currently blaming God for diseases? Is that supposed to mean Jesus has some sort of hereditary condition? ---
**Author:** ![Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c77e96/32.png) [@Speaker\_for\_the\_Dead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Speaker_for_the_Dead)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/4 "2006-05-06T01:40:27Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Wait…Jesus is currently blaming God for diseases? > > Is that supposed to mean Jesus has some sort of hereditary condition? To tell you the truth, I actually read it like that until I realised that there’s supposed to be a definite break after that “will.” ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/5 "2006-05-06T03:11:08Z")
> [@Speaker for the Dead](#): > > To tell you the truth, I actually read it like that until I realised that there’s supposed to be a definite break after that “will.” Took me a minute too. It was a great mental picture though. “Daaaaaaaad. Cut it out with all the diseases. You’re mean.” ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 3:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/6 "2006-05-06T03:34:49Z")
> [@Least Original User Name Ever](#): > > I’d like to find where she lives and make condom-wiener dogs and tie them to the antenna of her car. That would take too many condoms. I’m looking at a clown balloon. My measuring tape reveals it to be 11.5" long by 3/8 wide. A condom just doesn’t have the write aspect ratio. Twists would also be dificult as rather than pinching a small section back down to 3/8, you’d have sections about an inch across. In balloon art, it’s necessary for sections to exert pressure on each other. You’d have to tie off sections of condom, and the knots would space the bubbles too far apart. You could use more than one condom. But, this quickly becomes an expensive joke. Clown balloons OTOH cost roughly six cents per. Plus, your hands (and either your mouth or your pump) would smell like lubricant and spermicide. I say just go with either a single finger cot, or a finger cut from a surgical glove. Pour in some softboiled egg white and some salt, inflate and tie off. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/7 "2006-05-06T03:47:51Z")
Me, I’d be going into the Wal-Mart, buying the biggest box of condoms they had, and waiting untill nightfall. ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/8 "2006-05-06T03:50:01Z")
I guess I should clarify: I’m thinking “condom crop circle.” ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/9 "2006-05-06T05:29:44Z")
So, I’m pledging to do something reactive to this. **Mr. Wolf,** are you close enough for a Doper-Society intervention? ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/10 "2006-05-06T06:23:50Z")
> [@Speaker for the Dead](#): > > To tell you the truth, I actually read it like that until I realised that there’s supposed to be a definite break after that “will.” So if I don’t cease all fornication and homosexuality, then Jesus will carry on with _his_ in perpetuity? Jesus is in some big bisexual celestial clusterfuck, somewhere? I’m not sure I like parsing it that way, either. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/11 "2006-05-06T06:31:04Z")
> [@Harborwolf](#): > > What made this slightly more ridiculous was that the woman who had apparently written the sign was there, peeking above the sign and scowling at people who drove by. This reminds me of that great saying, “Dear Lord, protect me from your fan club.” ---
**Author:** ![gabriela](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/db5fbb/32.png) [@gabriela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gabriela)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 10:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/12 "2006-05-06T10:31:12Z")
> [@DocCathode](#): > > That would take too many condoms. I’m looking at a clown balloon. My measuring tape reveals it to be 11.5" long by 3/8 wide. A condom just doesn’t have the write aspect ratio. Twists would also be dificult as rather than pinching a small section back down to 3/8, you’d have sections about an inch across. In balloon art, it’s necessary for sections to exert pressure on each other. You’d have to tie off sections of condom, and the knots would space the bubbles too far apart. You could use more than one condom. But, this quickly becomes an expensive joke. Clown balloons OTOH cost roughly six cents per. > > Plus, your hands (and either your mouth or your pump) would smell like lubricant and spermicide. > > I say just go with either a single finger cot, or a finger cut from a surgical glove. Pour in some softboiled egg white and some salt, inflate and tie off. Now this is a great post. (whips off hat and stands with head bowed for thirty seconds) ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Clam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3bc359/32.png) [@Happy\_Clam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Clam)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/13 "2006-05-06T10:40:15Z")
> [@](#): > > Now this is a great post. > (whips off hat and stands with head bowed for thirty seconds) Agreed. Only on the SDMB. ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 11:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/14 "2006-05-06T11:02:47Z")
What made this slightly more ridiculous was that the woman who had apparently written the sign was there, peeking above the sign and scowling at people who drove by. Killjoy is here! (if you’re old enough to get it) ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 11:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/15 "2006-05-06T11:14:23Z")
> [@A.R. Cane](#): > > What made this slightly more ridiculous was that the woman who had apparently written the sign was there, peeking above the sign and scowling at people who drove by. > > Killjoy is here! (if you’re old enough to get it) I am – though only second-hand, of course 😉 – and I laughed. ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 11:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/16 "2006-05-06T11:18:54Z")
> [@A.R. Cane](#): > > What made this slightly more ridiculous was that the woman who had apparently written the sign was there, peeking above the sign and scowling at people who drove by. > > Killjoy is here! (if you’re old enough to get it) And if you are old enough to get it, you’d remember that it was [Kilroy was here](http://www.nohavica.cz/ontheroad/images/foto/2005_10_18/wash_killroy.jpg). 😉 That’s pretty much what it looked like too, only more scowly. I’ve got to head back up to Wal-Mart today after work. I’ll let you know if she’s still there. ---
**Author:** ![A.R.Cane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee7513/32.png) [@A.R.Cane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/A.R.Cane)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 11:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/17 "2006-05-06T11:28:14Z")
> [@Harborwolf](#): > > And if you are old enough to get it, you’d remember that it was [Kilroy was here](http://www.nohavica.cz/ontheroad/images/foto/2005_10_18/wash_killroy.jpg). 😉 That’s pretty much what it looked like too, only more scowly. > > I’ve got to head back up to Wal-Mart today after work. I’ll let you know if she’s still there. T’was meant to be a paraphrase, that’s what was s’posed to make it humorous. ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/18 "2006-05-06T11:30:30Z")
> [@A.R. Cane](#): > > T’was meant to be a paraphrase, that’s what was s’posed to make it humorous. 'Twas in fact what made me laugh. ---
**Author:** ![Harborwolf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 11:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/19 "2006-05-06T11:42:59Z")
> [@A.R. Cane](#): > > T’was meant to be a paraphrase, that’s what was s’posed to make it humorous. :smack: Anybody else hear a whooshing sound? :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e480ec/32.png) [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)\ **Post date:** [May 6, 2006, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630/20 "2006-05-06T15:29:02Z")
Dude, I _smelled_ the whoshing sound that time. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/seen-on-a-sign-across-from-wal-mart/355630.md?page=2)