# Self-publishing ventures that are destined to fail **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 6, 2009, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162 "2009-04-06T20:08:51Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![JR\_Brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JR\_Brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JR_Brown)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/1 "2009-04-06T20:08:51Z")
While moseying around a “food that should not exist” thread on another site, I came across a link to a [truly groundbreaking cookbook](http://www.lulu.com/content/4956212): > [@Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes](#): > > Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food. This book hopes to change that. Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients - you will love this cook book! And for only $25, you too can own a copy of this lovely 61-page volume, complete with full-color photographs of the tempting dishes presented. Preview it [here](http://www.lulu.com/browse/preview.php?fCID=4956212). I wonder how many copies Mr Photenhauer has sold… I’m _almost_ certain that this book is a joke. But it’s still a book that someone went to the trouble to write and illustrate, and that you can purchase an actual copy of… ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/2 "2009-04-06T20:15:09Z")
First come, first served. ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/3 "2009-04-06T20:53:06Z")
What, no recipe for jerk chicken? ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/4 "2009-04-06T21:02:04Z")
The oyster recipe is a hoot. “Oysters are so beautiful, it’s a shame to throw away the shells after just one meal.” I’m picturing a lonely guy sitting on his couch, totally bored. The he looks over at his kitchen trash and sees some oyster shells in there. Cue the Barry White music. ---
**Author:** ![Tom\_Tildrum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e95f7d/32.png) [@Tom\_Tildrum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tom_Tildrum)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 9:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/5 "2009-04-06T21:08:36Z")
Now I’m wondering about that creamed spinach I ordered the other night… ---
**Author:** ![Derleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Derleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Derleth)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/6 "2009-04-06T21:16:13Z")
Sales may be flaccid, but it’s unlikely to face stiff competition. I wonder where he got the seed money from. Maybe it was socked away somewhere, ready to grease the right palms. I doubt this stroke of genius will catch anyone’s eye, but don’t think he’s necessarily down for the count: His turgid prose just has to find the right niche and it could plant a whole new subsidiary for he and the mother company to nurture. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/7 "2009-04-06T22:33:01Z")
So _that’s_ what’s in the white sauce. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2009, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/8 "2009-04-06T22:44:32Z")
Thanks, – that’ll go great on the shelf next to my copy of\* [How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?](http://www.amazon.com/How-Good-bye-Depression-Constrict-Everyday/dp/0595094724)\* ---
**Author:** ![hobscrk777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a6a055/32.png) [@hobscrk777](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hobscrk777)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/9 "2009-04-07T00:19:42Z")
That cookbook looks fap-fap-fap-fabulous. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/10 "2009-04-07T00:56:39Z")
Hmmm. I’m thinking I ought to start a semen farm. I’m sure that semen from say, badgers, would have completely different uses from bull semen, for example. Wild and domestic semen, fatty and lean semen, sweet and sour semen, I can just see the semen palette, er. dripping before me. In theory, my semen producers could turn out to be the most enthusiastic and cooperative farm animals in the history of the world. ---
**Author:** ![mhendo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mhendo/32/3159_2.png) [@mhendo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mhendo)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/11 "2009-04-07T01:25:36Z")
Maybe the Dope could contribute a [recipe](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=198659). ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/12 "2009-04-07T01:27:26Z")
[Classic thread.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=198659&highlight=semen)ETA: **mehendo** beat me to it. Also, this has been done [before](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=495915&highlight=semen). ---
**Author:** ![ReuvenB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9fc348/32.png) [@ReuvenB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ReuvenB)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/13 "2009-04-07T01:40:35Z")
I like the disclaimer on page 3. ---
**Author:** ![hobscrk777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a6a055/32.png) [@hobscrk777](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hobscrk777)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/14 "2009-04-07T01:46:11Z")
Wanted: Attractive young females to assist in the production and documentation of independent cookbook promoting the use of all-natural, organic ingredients. ---
**Author:** ![hobscrk777](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a6a055/32.png) [@hobscrk777](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hobscrk777)\ **Post date:** [April 7, 2009, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-publishing-ventures-that-are-destined-to-fail/492162/15 "2009-04-07T01:51:33Z")
> [@XWalrus2](#): > > I like the disclaimer on page 3. I literally laughed out loud at the part that reads, “…all recipes have been tasted by the author…” Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “slaving away in the kitcken,” doesn’t it? “Don’t _shit_ where you eat,” but you can sure as hell jack off! Those are some dishes that your guests _won’t_ be adding more salt to at the table!