# Self-rated: How emotionally damaged are you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [July 29, 2018, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-rated-how-emotionally-damaged-are-you/818783 "2018-07-29T23:18:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Hurk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ecc23a/32.png) [@Hurk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hurk)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2018, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-rated-how-emotionally-damaged-are-you/818783/41 "2018-08-13T22:39:43Z")
> [@Rushgeekgirl](#): > > I am functional in some ways. I have struggled with so many issues my whole life and thought I was just broken and weird. I was molested by my father as a kid and I thought that was probably my main issue. I tried for years to get help, and got so many labels that didn’t quite explain what was going on in my head. And I have so many weird quirks and phobias and issues, I struggle to do things most adults my age mastered around age 15. I can’t get myself to go to a doctor or dentist. I set out for job interviews and end up driving past my appointment, panicking, and going home defeated. But then I also did really good as a parent, at least so far, for what I have going on. My girls are turning out pretty awesome so that’s a good thing. > > A little over a year ago I got a preliminary diagnosis of autism (suggested by my daughter’s OT after I talked about my daughter and I having similar issues and me not knowing if her problem was autism or me being a bad example of how to human) and everything started making a whole hell of a lot more sense. Because I don’t have insurance and to get a full dx would have cost thousands of dollars I’ve just tried to learn from my daughter’s therapists and I’ve joined some groups where I’ve learned so much about how to move forward. I’ve learned about executive function. I see how I have some pretty bad sensory issues. I was in CLUE as a kid, and I apparently have an exceptionally high IQ but I struggle to remember right from left. I have always had twitches and auditory defensiveness. People love me but I struggle to bond. I want relationships but people really, really have to pursue me because I don’t mean to, but I push people away. I don’t answer messages. I forget to call people back. I’m super warm and loving and a good friend when people are with me but I go off in my own world when they’re not present. My brother gets mad at me because I never call. I just get involved with whatever I’m working on and I forget everyone else exists outside this house. And I really, really struggle to leave the house. It’s like being underwater. I am counting the minutes until I’m back home and I really hate that. It’s just a lot of little things like that I never really thought about other than my weird and embarrassing quirks. > > So anyway, I struggle to be functional in the accepted way that adults should function. But lately I’ve been feeling pretty okay about myself and I think that can be pretty functional in itself. As only a casual observer, I would say a lot of your traits are from being an introvert. I am a classic one myself (hardly no one is 100% either way). Famous introverts: Bill Gates Rosa Parks Warren Buffett Michael Jordon Kim Kardashian Courtney Cox Albert Einstein If this is all new to you, I would suggest reading “Quiet,” by Susan Cain, or a less in-depth book, “The Introvert’s Way,” by Sophia Dembling. If indeed you are among us introverts you will find yourself nodding in agreement with every page you read. FWIW: I didn’t realize I was an introvert until a few years ago, and I’m in my late 60s. As for being emotionally-damaged myself: I’ve been divorced twice; both exes have since died; my 2nd wife had an abortion – which we both regretted later (no kids otherwise); I’ve survived cancer; both parents have been dead for years; and I will not be involved in any more relationships with women for the rest of my life – which isn’t my first choice but it’s the cards I’ve been dealt. I suppose I’m somewhat “damaged,” but probably everyone with baggage is to some degree. But I’m enjoying life now, so who cares? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2018, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-rated-how-emotionally-damaged-are-you/818783/42 "2018-08-14T05:42:25Z")
I used to think I was more damaged than the average person but as the years went on I decided I was damaged in certain areas but not as badly as most. I have never allowed myself to get very close in relationships because I simply don’t know how and I am convinced that if a woman really get to know me she won’t like me. Most other areas of my life I seem pretty well adjusted. ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2018, 10:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-rated-how-emotionally-damaged-are-you/818783/43 "2018-08-14T10:26:08Z")
Damaged but still functional, at about equal levels. Outwardly, I’m still doing fine. I perform as well as ever at my job, take care of my daughters, play the piano daily and am looking for new hobbies, preferably in group so that I can meet a bunch of new people. Inside, I’m going through a rough patch. This year has been the proverbial rollercoaster in pretty much every respect, with unusually high highs but also some very scary lows. It’s really wearing me out, especially since, like on a real rollercoaster, the final destination is downwards. I realize that I may have overinvested myself in an unhealthy relationship. I didn’t get a position that until a couple of months seemed pretty much certain. I’ve lost interest in listening to music and the piano pieces that I’ve worked on for months don’t seem to be getting anywhere. And I can’t sleep, but that’s nothing new. ---
**Author:** ![septimus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/septimus/32/410_2.png) [@septimus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/septimus)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2018, 11:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-rated-how-emotionally-damaged-are-you/818783/44 "2018-08-14T11:54:09Z")
I was almost autistic as a youngster and into my 20’s. Not due to any particular abuse; I think it was genetic. In my early 30’s I switched from inferiority complex to superiority complex — maybe they were two sides of the same coin all along. As I’ve said before, I have a peculiar talent and enjoyment for some software coding and circuit design tasks. Without those I’d have ended up institutionalized, one way or another. ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2018, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-rated-how-emotionally-damaged-are-you/818783/45 "2018-08-15T14:36:40Z")
Oh I have some damage. I recently had surgery that technically failed but had positives. So it’s . . . different. I’m going to therapy to just figure out where my thoughts and emotions are now. I have a life that’s not normal, and that’s more fun. ---
**Author:** ![Misnomer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misnomer/32/14897_2.png) [@Misnomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Misnomer)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2018, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-rated-how-emotionally-damaged-are-you/818783/46 "2018-08-15T16:36:38Z")
I only have one real emotional issue – eating – but it negatively affects a few aspects of my life, so I chose “some damage” instead of “little damage.” I could almost definitely use some therapy\*. I’m pretty functional, though, and while I’d love to blame everything on my parents I actually have no idea what the root of the problem is.\*\* \*Not long ago I saw a therapist for about a year, but he was a behaviorist instead of an analyst and we never got into the “why” of anything. At the time I thought that would be enough, but it wasn’t so I stopped our sessions. Someday I will look into analysis. \*\*Hence the usefulness of therapy. ---
**Author:** ![Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/les_espaces_du_sommeil/32/308_2.png) [@Les\_Espaces\_Du\_Sommeil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Les_Espaces_Du_Sommeil)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2018, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-rated-how-emotionally-damaged-are-you/818783/47 "2018-08-16T13:52:09Z")
You know, re-reading this thread, I feel a bit stupid complaining about my “damage”. After all, I’m in reasonably good health, have a family and a steady job, have lived in one of the world’s richest countries all of my life and haven’t been subject to serious abuse or violence unlike… well, a lot of people. I really don’t have the right to complain. Yet, I can’t say that I’m doing well. As said above the past months have been tough emotionally (actually not just this year, I’d say it really started around March 2017). I’ve had a few unusually high highs, but I’m starting to see them as the product of self-delusion or possibly manipulation. And the ones that were real just didn’t lead anywhere. More worryingly, it seems that it’s getting worse. The day before yesterday, I experienced something which has left me feeling like I hadn’t felt since I was a teenager. Utterly humiliated. I sort of expected that what I had hoped for wouldn’t pan out, but I didn’t expect the failure to come so quickly and to be so brutal and complete. Just a few days ago, I had given myself a year to come to a conclusion about a particular situation. Well, it took just 15 hours for the truth to be crystal clear. And today I got the _coup de grâce_. Enough already. Fortunately, I’m much better at dealing with disappointment and failure than I was 30 years ago. I may already be in the process of healing actually. But unfortunately, getting older has also made it more difficult to psych myself into thinking that the best is yet to come (or even the slightly less bad). I’m numbing myself for the moment. But sometimes I feel like screaming or curling up in a corner. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-rated-how-emotionally-damaged-are-you/818783.md?page=2)