# Self-Righteous Clique Official! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 30, 2000, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549 "2000-01-30T00:21:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2000, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/1 "2000-01-30T00:21:00Z")
Well, not exactly official, but what the hell? It’s official as we make it. Here’s the latest news: Head-Honcho: Konrad. and there was much rejoicing. \<\<\\>\> El Presidente numero uno: Satan. and there was much rejoicing. \<\<\\>\> Lackeys (in no particular order): Missy2U Canthearya John Corrado and there was some rejoicing \<\<\\>\> Secret Agent: It’s a secret! But he/she knows who he/she is! Just for clarity sake, we will suplly the code name… Eulb Latsev …and there was a small amount of rejoicing \<\<\\>\> Evil Ninja Assasins (in no particular order): Athena Mullinator Michelle Nu Vo Da Da …and there was only a small amount of rejoicing \<\<\\>\> Mad Scientist: Sylence …and there is no rejoicing as the mad scientist has pulled his hair and shouted \SILENCE!!!\ Sexy assistant (Lewinsky) to Head Honcho: Shadowfox. And there was much, much, rejoicing \<\<\\>\> Sexy Intern to El Presidente: fuzzy-wuzzy, and there was much rejoicing. \<\<\\>\> Man-trapping secret agent: Cristi. Yeah, that’s okay, there was a nominal amount of rejoicing \<\<\\>\> Sergeant Goon: Ursa Major, and there was much grunting. \<\<\\>\> Suicide Squad Under Sergeant Goon: --TBD– Countdown and general announcement voice guy: Nekosoft, and there was no rejoicing. Sorry. Super Secret Double Agent: We are not sure but we suspect she may be female and mother to rodents that are sought after to make coats. Possibly wearing snowshoes. We WILL find her/him! Treasurer in Chief, and janitor: Bluepony, also delivers mail, but can boss around Evil ninja assasins as she/he signs their paychecks. Official lard ass piper who is actually really skinny and boney: UncaStuart, and no, it didn’t ruin your chances, we will just feed you all the carp so you can do your job. Everyone call him “lard ass.” \<\<\\>\> Guy who sits around reading Rolling Stone who has no apparent job but is actually really important it’s just that no one knows what it is he exactly does. We think there is a lot of math involved: Glitch Big Dumb enforcer who is always near the head honcho and el presidente to do the dirty work of beating and torturing and carrying out of summary execution and getting killed by the good guy so the head honcho can get away and so on and so forth: SmickD, and there was little rejoicing, \<\<\\>\> Official Salute: _Snootchie-Bootchies_ Variants that include swear words are also acceptable, but only if you are over 17 or accompanied by UncleBeer, AuntiPam, or Legalguardian. 😃 | | | | || | || | | || || So, that is our organization thus far, and of course, we are still accepting applications. Please apply here and we will get back to you. _**[Disclaimer]: This idea was all Konrad’s, and I do not mean to steal it. I just thought it was so cool that I had to run with it. If anyone is offended, please accept my apologies and my deference to the OP, Konrad. I, much like Cyndi Lauper, just want to have fun, I hope you guys are cool with this, Suggestions and input would be great, feel free to e-mail me: [Santimcd@hotmail.com](mailto:Santimcd@hotmail.com).[/Disclaimer]**_ ## Noonch. “And on the eighth day, God Created beer to prevent the Irish from taking over the Earth.” _~SNOOGANS~_ ---
**Author:** ![Studi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@Studi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Studi)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2000, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/2 "2000-01-30T00:23:00Z")
That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever partially read. Studi * * * Don’t _speak_ ill of your enemies; plot it. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2000, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/3 "2000-01-30T00:29:00Z")
Thanks for the tip. Who are you, my fucking therapist? Take a walk. * * * “And on the eighth day, God Created beer to prevent the Irish from taking over the Earth.” _~SNOOGANS~_ ---
**Author:** ![TVeblen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/4bbf92/32.png) [@TVeblen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TVeblen)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2000, 12:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/4 "2000-01-30T00:39:00Z")
Not to worry, Smick, your summation was cogent and illuminating. T’aren’t many who endeavor to make something approaching order out of chaos…and this place blinkin’ _defines_ chaos. Well done. I do no appear on your roster because my preferred approach to carp is gutted, soaked in milk, stuffed w/ crab, seasonings, mirepoix, breadcrumbs, etc., coated w/ a light seasoned cornmeal and served with a killer remoulade on the side. Sorry. Obviously not taking this in the right spirit, but your summation was masterly. Veb ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2000, 2:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/5 "2000-01-30T02:00:00Z")
Okay, back to the top, I want our member’s to see this… * * * “And on the eighth day, God Created beer to prevent the Irish from taking over the Earth.” _~SNOOGANS~_ ---
**Author:** ![Sassy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@Sassy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sassy)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2000, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/6 "2000-01-30T02:31:00Z")
you left me out… did I mention that, in addition to being a red-head, I am also 100% Irish - and you have hurt my feelings. Be afraid… * * * I am a redhead, you see, and I do not tempt. I insist. -Cristi ---
**Author:** ![Konrad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f475e1/32.png) [@Konrad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Konrad)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2000, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/7 "2000-01-30T05:37:00Z")
Sassy, you’re supposed to be a _secret_ agent. I have to get back to my standing-silhoutted-against-the-moonlight-laughing-evilly workshop now. ---
**Author:** ![fuzzy-wuzzy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b38774/32.png) [@fuzzy-wuzzy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fuzzy-wuzzy)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2000, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/8 "2000-01-30T05:59:00Z")
Ok so I guess we start to work immediately. Geesh I’m so good people don’t even know I’m working yet. * * * “Do or do not, there is no try” - Yoda ---
**Author:** ![Bluepony](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Bluepony](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bluepony)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/9 "2000-02-01T00:50:00Z")
NOT SO FREAKIN’ FAST, PROSPECTIVE FORCES OF CHAOS AND DOOM!! Before you get out there in the general population and spread your death spores and other mayhem, there’s just a few items we gotta cover. OK, in front of each Evil Minion (all grades including the Big Evil Kahuna) you should have a W-4 Form and a booklet of the current Evil Pay Schedule and Benefits Package. Now please turn to page 2 of the cafeteria/401(k) plan while I go over it… * * * “…send lawyers, guns, and money…” ``` Warren Zevon ``` ---
**Author:** ![ChiefScott](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/58f4c7/32.png) [@ChiefScott](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChiefScott)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/10 "2000-02-01T01:01:00Z")
Do ya need a Chief Goon? (Naval contingent) I bring a nuclear-powered carrier and embarked airwing to the table. * * * Smilies, smilies, in a post Which one do I hate the most? Smirks and frowns and evil grins Rolling eyes that really spin They stick their tongues out if you please Who the hell first thought of these? Smilies, smilies, in a post Which one do I hate the most? – Neuro-trash grrrl ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/11 "2000-02-01T01:16:00Z")
Does this mean I can quit my job at the hospital now? I see we have a 401K, what about health insurance and sick days? ---
**Author:** ![Vestal\_Blue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5e9695/32.png) [@Vestal\_Blue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vestal_Blue)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/12 "2000-02-01T01:17:00Z")
Awww, Studi’s just jealous. Here Studi, hold this ::click:: pen for me… (Secret Agent backs away quickly, while Studi fails to notice the faint wisp of smoke emanating from the bo…er, pen) * * * VB Tempus is fugiting all over the place! Carpe that diem! ---
**Author:** ![Mullinator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@Mullinator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mullinator)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/13 "2000-02-01T02:42:00Z")
I will commence my evil ninja assassining as soon as possible, **SIR!!!** Awaiting my first mission… * * * Oh boy, my first official case of sig line writer’s block. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 2:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/14 "2000-02-01T02:57:00Z")
_SNOOTCHIE-BOOTCHIES!!_ Sorry sassy-- But in sooth, tis true, your occupation is secret. Aren’t you the man trapping secret agent? Or is that a different cristi? We can never have enow in any case, so step into my office, will ya? Cuz yer fuckin’ hired! 😃 \Promotion Announcement!\We have new chief goon! He reports directly to Sergeant Goon (Unca Stuart.) He is in charge of recruiting Goons for the goon squad, and referring summary excecutions to the Big Dumb Enforcer, that’s me. And now for Other news: Apparently, the Head Honcho is cool with me doing this. The disclaimer may have helped, but I think it was the Asian hooker(s) and the case of fine tequila, along with the box of Cubanos… As this is the case, I am promoting myself to “Fat guy in a little coat”. My responsibilities in this capacity iclude but are not limited to: Hiring all you’s guys and being a smart-ass. Making everyone laugh at me, so that we can better accomplish our goals. Also, I will maintain this thread! \BULLETIN_BULLETIN_\The amount of Carp are dropping in record numbers! The outraged carp have formed a resistance group, formally known as “Le Caviar Emptor” but commonly known as “Bony- ass fish-smelly chumps who don’t like being killed in record numbers by crazy ass Goons with high tech weapons… and cheese dip.” We credit this mostly to the tireless efforts of Sergeant Goon, and his untold armies of nameless goons. Oh yeah, the official uniform for our goon army has been procured from a second hand costume shop in Hollywood. We got all the old “foot clan” costumes from the hit “Teenage mutant Ninja Turtle” movies. 3 ninjas have yet to respond for outfits for our ninja assasins. fredericks of hollywood has not returned our calls and was filing a class action injuction against us for inquiring into “uniforms” for our lovely assistant. We sent me over there to kick an ass or two and the allegations have been dropped. A formal apology from a CEO flunky will be aired at 7:00 pm EDT on MSNBC for those of you who are interested. Speaking of flunkies, this is a newly created position we have open. Must be short and look like Konrad. Must like to kill people. Must like, not smell like Carp, or will be killed. Til next time, back to the top. Noonch * * * “And on the eighth day, God Created beer to prevent the Irish from taking over the Earth.” _~SNOOGANS~_ ---
**Author:** ![kinoons](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a698b9/32.png) [@kinoons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kinoons)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/15 "2000-02-01T03:10:00Z")
Hea Smick, need a firefighter, or atleast someone to nuckledrag some hose around? ---
**Author:** ![Ursa\_Major](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/a88e57/32.png) [@Ursa\_Major](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ursa_Major)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/16 "2000-02-01T03:11:00Z")
Who’s Unca Stuart? I thought I was Sergent Goon! (I respectfully request that I be promoted to Sergent-Major Goon, Ursa Major. I think that will make it clear that a Navy NCO is sobordinate to me. Chief - I give you full autonomy to use the kamakazi-torpedo suicide squad as you see fit. Do you think you could recruit some scuba goons while you’re at it? I’ve got a shipment of bright yellow wetsuits and high powered spearguns collecting dust in the warehouse. ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/17 "2000-02-01T03:30:00Z")
Whoops, sorry, I was busy looking at Head honchos assistants honchos. Sergeant Goon is \Ursa Major.\ Unca stuart is someone else entirely, I think he makes toys for children in 3rd world countries. Sorry about the mix-up, Athena has already given me the “foreskin in the mother dictionary” penalty. Ouch, I’ll try not to let it happen again. * * * “And on the eighth day, God Created beer to prevent the Irish from taking over the Earth.” _~SNOOGANS~_ ---
**Author:** ![Minxsmom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d07c76/32.png) [@Minxsmom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Minxsmom)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/18 "2000-02-01T03:47:00Z")
WooHoo! I got the job. All my grovelling was not in vain. Super Secret Double Agent Minxsmom reporting for duty, Sir! ::feeding a carp to Minx, the cutest lil black cat on earth - who is currently sleeping in my chair so I have to sit on the floor:: ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/19 "2000-02-01T04:05:00Z")
## Minxsmom, you wouldn’t be tryin’ to sabotage anything here would you? “And on the eighth day, God Created beer to prevent the Irish from taking over the Earth.” _~SNOOGANS~_ ---
**Author:** ![system](https://global.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/original/2X/e/e489c3b7d8fce19c4b355dd4fc3f88cc39c34b87.png) [@system](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/system)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2000, 5:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549/20 "2000-02-01T05:21:00Z")
## \NEW HIRE!\ Say hi to our newest member, kinoons. He is going to be our knuckle-dragging hose mongerer. What we gonna do is, delegate all he duties of my former position (torture, enforcing, spraying the genitals of infidels with fire hoses at ridiculously high pressures, etc) to kinoons. He will be good at it, as he has much experience in the field of hose play. And now for other news: Ve are Veddy concer-ned. Mehnny ov you seem not to hafe added chang-ess to your siga-na-tours. While thees ess no mande-tore, ve are concern-ed that the siga-na-tour thing ees a stoopid idea. Ve desire fed-beck on zis teep. Danke schon. Noonch. ~Santi, _Fat Guy in a Little Coat_ “And on the eighth day, God Created beer to prevent the Irish from taking over the Earth.” _~SNOOGANS~_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/self-righteous-clique-official/13549.md?page=2)