# Selfish demand for reassurance **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [July 27, 2000, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983 "2000-07-27T00:19:19Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Yue\_Han](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eada6e/32.png) [@Yue\_Han](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yue_Han)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2000, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/1 "2000-07-27T00:19:19Z")
Hey, everybody. So there’s this girl. I met her online, because she’s coming to my residential school this fall and she wanted pointers on life in the Academy. We’ve been talking ever since. The other day, she said something that made me realize, I really like talking to her. Like, more than most commonplace things like breathing. (Well, that’s an exaggeration) Seriously, we have a lot in common and I can talk openly and honestly with her about anything without being worried that she’ll misunderstand. She ALWAYS gets me, which is rare for me, especially because I’m a bit of a brainiac and people usually don’t know my references. And I’ve started having feelings for her. In my experience, feelings only cause pain and give fate a lever to smack me with, but I’m always willing to try. If there’s no hope, I can usually uproot my crushes and throw them away without major upset. So if she says no, I’m not going to be affected that much. But SHE might be, and then I would lose this terrific friend. That’s what I’m really scared off, not the rejection. However, I’ve been going insane not telling her, so I just sent her an email running down the situation for her. All I can do know is trust her enough that she’ll handle this maturely, no matter what her response. Or I could delete it. Because we’re both on AOL, and it has that feature. So what I’m asking for here, is cheerleading. If you think I’m making a mistake, go to hell. I want people to tell me not to delete this mail until she reads it, at which point I can’t take it back. Help me prove to myself I was lying when I told the Army recruitment guy I was an indolent coward. (Well, half lying.) Please. –John ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Fire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@Silver\_Fire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Fire)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2000, 12:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/2 "2000-07-27T00:22:39Z")
Rah! Rah! Rah! Goooooooooo, Yue Han!!! WOO HOO!! 😃 I wouldn’t delete it. The most she can do is say no. Hopefully it won’t ruin the relationship the two of you already have, but I have faith that it won’t. Best of luck to you! ::series of flips, kicks, splits, and such:: ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2000, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/3 "2000-07-27T00:30:26Z")
Just keep in mind, that somewhere, someone is not nearly as lucky as you. Wow, you made my fucking day. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2000, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/4 "2000-07-27T00:33:28Z")
Go for it. No pain, no gain. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2000, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/5 "2000-07-27T00:52:37Z")
You can take stuff back on AOL after hitting the [ENTER] key? I’m finally jealous of an AOL feature. You might as well find out if this is going anywhere. She might feel the same. After all, she keeps talking to you. ---
**Author:** ![SuaSponte](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/67e7ee/32.png) [@SuaSponte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuaSponte)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2000, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/6 "2000-07-27T00:55:04Z")
Go fer it. If she is the person you think she is, it won’t affect your friendship if she turns you down. From my personal experience, at your age, I was pretty forthright to women about my crushes on them. Once or twice we started dating. Usually, I got shot down, but our friendship remained, and sometimes strengthened. Luck, man! Sua ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2000, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/7 "2000-07-27T00:57:19Z")
_\o/ __\o/__ \o/_ You know if you don’t do it, you’ll always wonder “what if?” ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2000, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/8 "2000-07-27T01:20:27Z")
Good to see you went for it. I have had a similar situation here not to long ago. Do not worry is she is a good close friend, even if she says no I doubt the friendship will end. Is better to Take the time and little risk and ask her out, of the “what if’s” will catch up to you and haunt you for the rest of your life. Osip ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/9 "2000-07-28T00:14:09Z")
Hey, Han! WTF happened? She like you _in that way_ or not? ---
**Author:** ![Yue\_Han](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/eada6e/32.png) [@Yue\_Han](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yue_Han)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/10 "2000-07-28T05:13:30Z")
She hasn’t read it yet, according to AOL. How the hell can somone not check their mail for 28 hours? (Ahh, it’s called a life. Wish I had one… all my friends are people from school, who live far away in the summer. She’s probably either living it up with her home friends in their last few weeks together, or shopping for stuff for school. I can’t fault her. But my head’s going to explode soon.) –John ---
**Author:** ![Talkinsquirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/f6c823/32.png) [@Talkinsquirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talkinsquirrel)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/11 "2000-07-28T05:24:39Z")
Liiiiife? What is this Life that you speak of? Does it taste like coconuts? ---
**Author:** ![dpr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8797f3/32.png) [@dpr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dpr)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/12 "2000-07-28T05:41:30Z")
I’m glad you haven’t deleted it mate. Life’s too short to live with regrets or opportunities that leave you wondering What if…? _fingers crossed for you_ * * * dpr: email should be available in an IV drip ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2000, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/selfish-demand-for-reassurance/26983/13 "2000-07-28T05:54:33Z")
Good luck, man. At the very least, it won’t hurt your friendship, and at most… Well, you know what that will be better than I or anyone else.